Posted on 06/18/2005 6:18:28 AM PDT by gobucks
"I can DO this! I am ready to PUSH!" That is what Mrs. GoBucks was telling me on Tuesday afternoon, June 14th 2005. I was leaning over her, looking at her shining eyes and feeling a lot better about the next steps.
After 22 hours of utterly non-standard labor, I was relieved to see that. Shortly thereafter, she did it, and our son was born. He is 8lb 14 oz, now eating with gusto (she's making milk in direct proportion thankfully), and sleeping, ahem, 'like a baby'.
This report is a response to requests from other Freepers who had discussed some issues leading up to this beyond- words-happy event in my life. First it was about why epidurals are a deeply political topic, then circumcision, then Castor Oil and golf, and now, well now it is just sweet blissful joy mixed with total relief.
To begin, Mrs. Gb was late by several days. As students of the Bradley Method (Unmedicated Childbirth), our Midwife told us that we were running out of time for achieving that experience.
There are 4 midwives at the local ob/gyn practice, and we liked all of them, but they have to defer to the doctors once certain deadlines are reached. So, after some evaluation, she took a dose of Castor Oil on Monday at noon, and another 2 hours later. At 7pm, the contractions started, and we were elated.
But within about 4 hours, they were getting kind of strong, and oddly, getting close to 2 minutes apart. This is our first baby, and we expected the labor pains to be 4 to 20 minutes apart for awhile. All the Bradley technique stuff we learned was working great to keep the process going, but our midwife told us to go to the hospital. The timing of the contractions were non-standard.
We got there at 2am, and of course we were only at 1.5 cm dialation; then contractions slowed down for awhile, but then speeded up again and got stronger. At 7am, the midwife told us we were up to 7cm. Our elation grew stronger - at least, that was what I perceived. Mrs. Gb appeared to be just thrilled.
Up to this point, there was no medication or intervention. We felt great about the progress. During the next 4 hours, however, the labor pains, as expected, began to intensify to the point where Mrs. Gb was saying stuff that didn't sound so great like "I don't know if I can Do this", and where I was beginning to question the wisdom of 'natural childbirth'. Her contractions would sometimes last 3 minutes w/ a minute inbetween, then stop for 7/8 minutes, followed by a short 1 minute weak contraction. None of the books, traditional or otherwise had prepared us for this, and we had done a lot of homework.
The midwife at 12:00pm reported unhappy news: she was still at 7cm. After 4 hours of solid hurting, this made Mrs. GB not happy in the least, and we agreed to the first intervention - her waters were manually broken. This was supposed to help establish a 'regular pattern'. But it didn't, and her pains intensified, and she started reporting she was not going to be able to do it and wanted the epidural.
The midwife then said an epidural was going to be required along w/ pitocin because the three P's of birth, the 'passage, passenger, and power' indicated the power part was inadequate.
Privately to me, the midwife expressed concerns about turning over the process to the ob for a csection if things didn't turn around real fast. So, there I was, relatively alert, while Mrs. Gb was pretty much wiped out inbetween contractions. All our hard work about preparing for a Bradley Birth was going up in smoke. But for me it was transparent: I was told no progress was being made, thus, help was needed. In short order, the pit drip was established, and the epidural was in zip/zip.
I watched carefully. An array of tubes was soon attached to my wife in all kinds of ways. It was odd that the epidural medicine is actually kept in a transparent locked box, with a key that turns. It was odd that the nurse and epidural guy were moving so quickly through the protocol - but I knew it was normal, for they had done it dozens and dozens of times. Anyway, almost immediately, Mrs. Gb reported feeling a bit better.
The next 10 minutes were straight out of the twilight zone. Her blood pressure, near normal most of the time, suddenly became very low - really low. The beep beep sound of our son's heartbeat, which the whole time had ranged between 125 and 160, now was down to 85.....80 ....82...77....
I said to the midwife, 'is that my wife's heartbeat?' - she said, no, that was the baby's. Time began to stretch weirdly in the room as I watched a growing bee hive of activity around me with calls for more doctors to show up, and that a neonatologist needed to be 'standing by'.
In retrospect, the issue was this: epidurals often will make the blood pressure of Mom drop - and mechanically, if I understand this, it makes the placenta 'deflate' on the Mom's side. Our son, thus, had his air supply cut off, and the lowering heart rate was an indicator of that. I watched as an oxygen mask was placed on Mrs. Gb, and her eyes gave me a look that said this was not going as she'd hoped, and I squeezed her in hand agreement. In truth, I have never felt such complete bone-cold fear. I am absolutely nuts about my wife.
I watched as doctors were called in, consultations made, I watched as Mrs. Gb was told to turn on her side, and then felt a Niagra-Falls like wave of relief sweep through me as the heart tones of my son suddenly zoomed back up to 140.
The tension in the room was not replaced, however, and more consultations were made, and Mrs. Gb was told be still so that our son could catch his breath. However, she was also told the epidural had triggered some kind of 'release', and now she was fully dialated. Mrs. Gb looked hopeful again, and said she was ready to push. At first, the midwife was doubtful, saying things about a 'tight fit' and the head needed to move down more. The doctors too were saying things about how the 'baby wasn't really liking' what was going on and that if a delivery didn't happen in the next 20 minutes, a csection was next.
But Mrs. Gb urgently said to me she could DO this. And the midwife suddenly reported the passenger was making enough progress in the passage, and thus there was enough power.
To describe the next few minutes is simple: he was born, he cried, we cried, I felt the cord pulsate. I cut the cord, I took him to the warmer next to the bed and they checked him and weighed him. Mrs. Gb was thrilled, I was thrilled, but mostly I was nearly falling over from the waves of relief that were sweeping through me.
I am so proud of my wife. I could go on and on, but conclusions about the Bradley method and using a midwife are in order.
First off, the total amount of anxiety Mrs. Gb felt about childbirth itself was near zero - that was directly due to the Bradley class. For this reason at the least we recommend the class. We knew so much more about what was happening than we would have otherwise - we had also taken the hospital class, and it focused about 50 percent on the various interventions and medicines. The midwife we would use again absolutely. Unlike the doctors, her attitude was simple: she wanted us to have the birth experience we planned for, and she got in the way only as necessary for that. She was flat out wonderful. The doctors too were great as were the nurses, but the midwife was simply committed to what we planned for in a way that made ALL of the decisions we had to make easier.
And over the last few days, I have reviewed all the books and materials we have and discovered a book I hadn't spent much time in: Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin. Not picking this book apart page by page was our mistake in this experience, but only in hindsight.
Mrs. GB from the getgo had 'dysfunctional labor' patterns. What we didn't know was that there are some midwives who don't believe in that, that it is a label invented by the medical establishment that ensures the odds are maximized that Mom and Baby leave the hospital alive and kicking. And thus, that the odds of a lawsuit are minimized.
I read about two women who were stuck at 7cm in this book, and then read about how that got resolved. And then, the clincher: the difference between the 3 P's philosophy, and the 'Sphincter Law'. I was pretty astounded. After reviewing that, I went to my wife and I asked her this question: was she afraid of anything during those final few hours?
And she started crying. Mrs. Gb comes from, ... ahem, an odd family.
Being a Mom was something that is loaded w/ all kinds of baggage. And she told me that during the labor (in fact, at the very moment when she initially learned she was all the way to 7cm) she began to fear that she couldn't DO this - not the give birth part, but become a good Mom.
In the book, the Sphincter Law basically is this: if deep, spiritually-related fears are not spoken and directly confronted, the cervix is likely to freeze up.
Now, as a rabid golfer, I understood this concept - but, we didn't know about the 'Sphincter Law' as it related to the upcoming work of labor and delivery. Our midwife didn't mention it, but our mid-wife also took a neutral view of our spirituality (we're both typical bible thumper high-on-Christ types). Our Bradley instructor didn't mention it either. All the websites we visited didn't mention it. But, it is clear to us in retrospect that the Sphincter Law was what took over. The hospital, no fault to them, was pretty much following what they have no choice but to follow, and we do indeed have a healthy baby as a result.
For for each hour after a certain deadline based on time of admission, the odds of a multimillion dollar lawsuit grow ... in short, once you enter the hospital as a woman, you have a ticking clock imposed on you (though they won't outright say that) and if you don't have that baby, they will get it out of you whether you are getting it out by your self or not.
So, our objective all along was beat the deadline and avoid the Csection - for we knew recovery and child care was going to be much, much harder with a Csection.
But now in retrospect, our objective from the start should have been 'look for the spiritual knowledge about childbirth that is out there first'. I am thinking had we done that, we might have succeeded. We have talked it over endlessly since, and of course, the next time will try again for totally unmedicated. And next time, I think we'll be successful. But in the meantime, I am going to have to endure the knowing smirks from an awful lot of women at church we know who thought we were nuts for even thinking about the Bradley Method. I intend to be gracious even so.
Now that all said, I must report the breastfeeding stuff over the next two days was nearly as stressful as the birth. By the grace of God, we had an appointment w/ a woman referred to us by La Leche League, and sure enough, all the tips, advice and what was actually taught to us by the professionals was just not right. This woman simply grabbed her breast in a way none of the others had, and held little Gb's head and then basically popped him on like a cork on a bottle. It was unreal the difference Mrs. Gb reported, and less than 12 hours later her milk came in. The relief from that was nearly as great, for at least THAT part of the plan was working out.
So now, I sit here typing, not really looking forward to tomorrow. My mother-in-law is arriving 'to help'. I love her of course, for without her, my life would really be awful b/c Mrs. Gb wouldn't be in it. But she says stuff that directly contradicts my authority in my own home. When I am visiting her home, I shut up, and go along to get along ... but now she is coming here, and wants to transplant her home rules into mine.
I don't know how to make her understand that Mrs. Gb is indeed a woman with a name that I gave her on her wedding day (in fact, Mrs. Gb and I realize that her wedding day was more like her 'birthday'. After that talk, the importance of wedding anniversaries took on a whole new meaning for me). I have a challenge ahead of me in any event.
So, given that I always love Freeper Advice as it is usually excellent, anyone out there know of a spiritual management book for Mother's in Law you'd recommend? :)
Warmest Congratulaltions!
May God Bless you and your growing family and may He shower you with many, many graces.
21 inches ... but that was last tues ... after evaluating him just now, carefully, I think he is now 22 inches..
Thanks for the book suggestion ... and I'll update periodically too...
And the sleep part ... I assure you, I am quite aware of how critical that is .... for it is only during sleep that the serotonin cycle goes to the 'produce phase', so I'm not a bit surprised you reported your depression got worse. I'm making sure she gets plenty of protien shakes too...
So far, not a whisper of post partum despression...
Many thanks to you, and everyone else.
I do plan to write a few more threads. It is only a matter of time before some whacky lady or dude in a grocery store is going to say something about my son, something so far out there, that I will have to ping freerepublic central and get the full broadside of adequate opinion.
They should rename freerepublic to FreeSamizdat!
WRT your mother-in-law, my spiritual advise is this: whenever you feel uncomfortable or troubled during her stay, do not think about it or her but meditate on Jesus. His Spirit will get you through anything. (Psalms 23, Philippians 4:6-7)
LOL, I tried to get him to be up to speed from the getgo, but he was mighty uncooperative. I'm sure I've learned the right lessons and get the next one properly briefed prior to labor.
:)
Thank you so much AG.
And as for the meditation, you are so correct, and I have an update: Shortly after I posted this, she called.
I was dreading her words, for I had sent her a huge email telling her, in short, that I really needed her help in protecting my wife and at the same time honoring our home. She said that last night, she 'gave it God' and she cried a little bit and told me not to worry. If she was here I would have kissed her.
The relief that has swept over me. I am really pleased. So thanks again.
Awwww. :O)
Congratulations!
Oh, and PICTURES! Did you post pictures yet???
Good job. Sounds like you guys are up on things. What kind of protein shakes do you give her?--I might want to try one of those.
Mrs. Gb, who really gives me a hard time for the time I spend on FR (for it means it pirates potential time I could be giving her ... which is fair) has indicated to me that pics would be 'inappropriate'.
But she did say I could describe him as much as I would like.
I think his eyes will end up brown but I'm not sure yet. Hair is light brown, skin is bright pink. Arms are long, and I think he will be tall someday. His fingers are very long, and I think he'll play piano and golf very well some day...just like his Daddy. :)
She prefers chocalte flavored EAS whey protein mixed into skim milk.
Her mood goes almost to 'instant happy' when she drinks that stuff....
which reminds me...I have to take a break and interrupt her current visitor and make sure she eats something. I find when mrs. gb gets too hungry, mr gb pays....:)
Thanks for the update - may God bless your family with that which is most important in life.
Regarding MIL, perhaprs don't attempt direct rebuttals if she is argmentative, but just don't DO what she says. Like, nod and say hmmm mmm and then go about your business.
I have them, but they're making me throw up right now.
Thanks, and congratulations to you, too :-).
Thanks!
Congratulations.
It's wonderful to be in love again.
Congratulations!! Thanks so much for sharing your journey. :)
And have a wonderful first Father's Day!
Congrats to you too! I knew you wouldn't let me get away from you. ;)
Thanks - how are you doing?
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