Posted on 06/13/2005 1:22:08 PM PDT by gobucks
The priests of golf frequently state that just before you begin your swing, you should think your 'swing thought'. It is supposed to relax you, just before you swing, such that the result doesn't provoke the smirks, chuckles, and sympathetic looks from your golfing buddies. The only problem is that most golfers are unaware of the Golf Conspiracy.
The powers that be in the Pro Golf world are fully aware of the advantages of a priesthood of golf. Recall that priests have legal immunity. You can't sue a golf teacher for malpractice. Thus, as any golfer knows, you can't find two people who teach golf the same way. In fact, it defies description just how differently this black art of golf teaching is practiced, from guru to guru. I used to think it was simply something to be endured. Now I think it smacks of conspiracy.
Someone once said, there is no need for conspiracy if everyone is on the same page. Well, the golf teachers sure are. If they were REALLY interested in making better golfers, you would have heard something fantastic in the golf news: the percentage of golfers who break 90 keeps increasing year of year, 'golfer' being that individual who actually keeps a sanctioned handicap card.
But, wonders of wonders, you never hear about that do you? In fact, even though there are millions of suckers taking up this game every year, the total proportion of golfers who break 80 consistently never changes ... well under 5 percent of all golfers. The average handicap of 108, roughly, never changes, year after year. Why? An example from the priests is as follows: the 'swing thought'. What they tell you is that just before you bring the clubhead back, you say in your mind something like "take the clubhead all the way back".
There is one slight problem with this. It doesn't work. In fact, horrors, it actually creates a mental dissonance which just about garuntees the golfer will mis-hit about half the time. Why? Because words, ANY words, in the mind of a golfer are his mortal enemy.
Any golfer who actually can break 80 already knows this. But given such men usually have a deeply vested economic interest in keeping their 'friends' in the 90 range, you'll never hear them speak of the matter.
They know that the ability to image, that is 'think in pictures', while at the same time zipping shut and locking down that part of their mind which creates mental words, is one of the two primary 'open' secrets to being an effective golfer.
For example, any golfer has heard a million times on the downswing that you have to turn the hips 'out of the way' before you really whack it. The problem is that so many foolish men listen to this advice and think about it while they swing. In reality, plenty of photos of Tiger, Phil, Vijay, whoever-it doesn't matter, exist which show the front of BOTH hipbones, especially the right one, nearly facing directly down the line of ball flight well BEFORE the club head is anywhere near striking the ball.
Why is that? I don't really care. All I know is this: when I put that picture in my head, and conformed my future to that picture, I then swung back, held the club head behind me until I made my hips look like those millions of pictures, and then struck the ball.
Sweet God of Mercy. The sight of that glorious white arc cutting across the blue sky with the faintest whisper of wind around me all the while, then watching it dropping into the far-off emerald fairway, and rolling ..... astonishingly, the English language begins to reveal bona fide inadequacies to illustrate the sensation of watching that sight.
The utter increase in absolute power. The oddness of the 'lag' sensation as I make the hips move to their position, the weirdness of how golf remarkably transforms from a game into a dance...; and the BLISSFUL feeling when the brutal, sick, pent-up mass of frustration endured month after month, season after season finally, FINALLY drains away and is replaced instead by the feeling of 'oh. Is THAT all I had to do?' The washing waterfall of hope cascading down into my soul as I realize that, as God as my Witness, I can break 90, not just 100.
Which leads me to the question: why do the powers of golf persist in false teaching? Of course: that great, green, greedy god: money. By saying your cure to your golf woes is yours after you release your gold for the latest technology that conquers the green landscape, why, the powers of golf set up a perpetual money machine. The snake oil salesmen of yesteryear are cheering in wild approval.
It is a FANTASTIC racket, and I hope to make a good chunk of money within it myself, but not as a fellow racketeer.
My hope is that I break the conspiracy of silence that surrounds the 'mystery' of golf. For then, the elegant mirror it was intended to be all along will then be revealed, and the control freaks who currently set the cultural tempo, they and them, will grow into the Men they have always craved to be and falsely believe they already are. And then the bleating masses, who follow dutifully with their plastic bottles of Miller Lite from hole to hole, might just transform into creatures worth imitating instead of being worthy of mere envy.
But first: I have to break 100 off the blue tees. My average is 105 ...
Now, all that said, Castor Oil is a favorite method by which a woman who is overdue in her pregnancy can 'jump start' the whole process. Sometimes it is reported to work great, other times, it is reported to have no effect other than what the bottle says it will do: make plenty of appointments with your porcelin fixture ...
Mrs G.B., who as I have discussed in my other preg-wife threads, and I, finally, with the clock ticking down (the Midwife practice told us that we're reaching that stage when overdue is too overdue and something will have 'to be done') have chosen to try a 'traditional' method to 'help'. Castor Oil fails utterly if the cervix is not ready, but if so, it can indeed help.
Now, we have tried the standard protocols for reaching the 40 week mark, and no more. But we're well beyond the 41 week mark now. So, about three hours ago, a tablespoon down the hatch, and about 30 minutes ago, the second table spoon went down. Very, very interestingly, Castor Oil is one of those odd fatty acids everyone talks about these days. Mrs. Gb reports it doesn't taste that bad, but she didn't savor it I'll grant.
Castor Oil evidently is fully absorbed, and then puts the G.I. tract into a real tizzy, causing the releasing all kinds of 'prostglandins'. Evidently, that release is an essential trigger to the hypothalmus gland (in the brain), which then triggers the pituitary gland (in the brain) to release oxytocin (the same chemical hormone that is required for a woman or a man to fall in love interestingly enough).
The oxytocin travels to the uterus, and the contractions are supposed to start. It could be the placebo effect only, but Mrs. Gb just reported contraction number six, in the last 3 hours. I lovingly told her I wasn't holding my breath. (You see, I'm stressed right now, and I tend to get a pretty dry outlook on life when I get stressed.) She smiled at me, and returned to her puttering routine.
The tension ... well, as any golfer knows, tension is an exponential function when you are shooting close to three shots below your handicap and then your buddy bets you 100.00 you can't make that last putt on hole number 15. And then, bang: all your fuses blow, you yip the putt, your next drive sounds like a miramba for all the trees you strike, and you realize the 19th hole will not be beer this time, for it will have to be something much stronger. It can get real psychotic out there...
Anyway, I have a bit of time to muck around in FreeRepublic while Mrs. GB reports that her contractions may just 'happen' to be starting now. This of course would be the umpteenth time they have 'started'. In all seriousness, our time is a great time of joy. Our son, bless his heart, is in all likelihood going to be a great golfer someday.
But I'm content, for now, to simply look forward to singing him Happy Birthday today ... or maybe tomorrow ... or Wednesday, and hugging Mrs. GB all the while. Of course, I've considered bringing my laptop with WIFI capability to the hospital when we leave ... but, I don't think that would be a very good idea in practice.
Well, given how powerful even the placebo effect can be, we simply looked at the likely worst result: discomfort for a bit...; but I was initially in the same skeptic ball park.
But the pressures of late, well.... I am trying to be flexible.
Well, as a fyi, how much do you fast, how long, and when it did start, did you eat anything? I'm not sure starting a 18 labor on zero fuel is a good idea..
I kind of figured that must be the difference between then and now. I'm 27 weeks with our third and an "older" mom (37 years) so I had to have a special ultrasound and blood tests done. My OB probably would have refused to see me if I didn't have it done--not because he's a dictator but to protect himself. So I consented because I like him as my doctor and all the tests came back fine but it caused some worry for me and extra expense for me and the insurance company.
Best wishes to you and your wife and baby. I know you'll let us know when the big event happens.
I've used CO to induce at home successfully before. NOT a fun way to do it. But it worked for me. A T is not enough IMO.
Here is how I did it (this method was shared with me by other "natural birth" moms): I got a glass of OJ and a straw. Then I poured in a couple-few T into the glass. Mixed well. Drank it down through the straw. Went for a (short!) walk with my husband. After about 90 minutes, I took it again, but a smaller dose of CO. About 1/2 hour later, I was in the bathroom. For a loong time. I took the first dose between 4-5p.m. By 10 p.m. I had definite regular contractions, and had no need to make any more bathroom runs.
I did bathe a lot since I was sore from going so much. (Sorry for TMI, but you asked!) I had my big boy the next evening, about 24 hours from the onset of (mostly mild) contractions.
I think the CO works just by giving you the runs and your whole abdomen just contracts from the force of it. Kind of a miserable way to start labor IMO. But if you gotta, you gotta!
I figure that any time after 2 weeks before the due date, the baby is "done," so if I feel the urge, I stop eating. If I'm not having contractions after 24 hours, I eat for a day, and then skip again.
When contractions start, I'll let them go 8-10 hours, and then eat. If the contractions stop, then (obviously) we're not having the baby yet. Don't eat until contractions start again, give it some time, etc. Eventually, the contractions don't stop even after eating.
I've never had any problem with needing "fuel" for labor. After all, I've been storing fat for 9 months!
I really appreciate this report. If you visit my freep home link page, you'll see an old link about PCOS. Honestly, the woman system of reproduction is more complicated than nuclear physics; and I know about it.
Mrs. GB is profoundly sensitive to carbs, and her fertility magically 'appeared', for the first time once her carbs were crushed, with help from me as her coach, to less than 20 grams a day. She was lucky to have a cycle a year. Anyway, ever since I have gotten quite a bit of info about the insulin role overall in a lot of stuff, including PCOS, but I have yet to read any PCOS related pregnancy reports...so your data item, though it is of course one, is appreciated.
Thanks! What is A and T?
Sorry! A T is 1 T or a Tablespoon. That wasn't very clear on my last post.
Have a great birth! :-)
Fascinating - I'll have a look later. We have overwhelming fertility, fwiw :-).
Best of luck to you & the Mrs.
I look forward to see pictures of our newest FReeper baby soon! God Bless!
LOL, be careful with golf.
I took out power over a small area by attempting to play golf.
I'm having my third in December and I am holding onto 37 for the moment (I'll be 38 in the very near future). I find the fuss over an "older" mom funny. I think the hospital assumes I'll need a walker to get to the delivery room, and they'll just mix in the Geritol with my prenatal vitamins. Lucky for me, my ob/gyn understands my position on pre-natal testing. If it will give information useful for treating, I'll do it, but nothing that is intended just to help me "decide" whether to terminate. He knows that is not an option (his reply: "good for you!"). I just remind him to have me sign a waiver so his insurance carrier doesn't give him a hard time. I think I have the best ob/gyn in the world, and his office staff is fabulous as well... that makes all the difference, doesn't it? Especially since I'm having children during my golden years and all...
bttt
I didn't quite make that - had my first at 33. But all our family are "slow begetters like", as Kipling said in one of his stories - my mom didn't have me (her first) until she was 30, which was VERY old back then.
I took tons of folic acid because since I'm almost 100 percent British ancestry I'm at risk for neural tube defects. My OB (he was the best in the world until he died last year, so I guess Grace's OB has the title now) had a brand new ultrasound (ya gotta understand this was 17 years ago!) and he loved to play with his new toy, so we checked my girl it seemed like every five minutes. He was confident that he could pick up any neural tube problems from what he could see - loved pointing out to me that her kidneys were functioning, her bladder was filling nicely, assuring me that that was an almost infallible sign that her spinal cord was developing properly (of course all I could see was a blur . . . they've improved ultrasound a lot.) He charged a flat rate per delivery, so he could play with his ultrasound as much as he liked - I have a lot of funny blurry pictures in the baby book . . .
Of course baby was born perfectly healthy, if quite skinny. She's still quite skinny (thank heavens she took after her dad's family and not mine - we are all fireplugs).
In the lingo they're called geriatric primips;)
I have to sign off... she's definitely in labor. The Castor Oil totally worked.
Will give an update in a few days...and thanks to all for the kindness and well wishes.
Good news--good luck.
You can't fool us old Classics students . . . < g >
Please report back after the wild ride . . . < g > We'll be prayin' for ya.
Thanks for the ping!
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