Replies

Ways to Tell If You're Stuck in the 80's

1. Your fondest childhood memory is when Skippy got his head stuck in the banister.
2. You relax by putting on your legwarmers and dancing to the "Flashdance" soundtrack.

3. You think the two Coreys are "totally awesome."

4. You're still bitter that Wham! broke up.

5. Punky Brewster is your hero.

6. You type all of your term papers on a Commodore 64.

7. You still resent your parents for not installing a dumbwaiter in you house like Webster's.

8. The only video games you play are Frogger and Pac Man.

9. You're building your own Clockwork Smurf.

10. Your summer attire is Jellies and Jams.

11. A-ha's "Take on Me" is still your favorite video.

12. You consider yourself truly, truly, truly outrageous, much like Jem and the Holograms.

13. You wonder why more people don't wear high heels, Jordache jeans and lacy white ankle socks.

14. You call all motorcycle cops "Ponch."

15. Every time you go to the beach you look for Snorks.

16. You're still upset Madonna and Sean broke up.

17. You know who Stinky Sullivan is.

18. You work out with "Get in Shape Girl."

19. You want to be Molly Ringwald when you grow up.

20. You enjoy dancing on the ceiling and wearing your sunglasses at night.

21. You know who Loverboy is.

22. You think there should be a Kids Incorporated original cast reunion.

23. You think of Janet Jackson as "that girl who used to date Willis."

24. You can sing the theme song to Small Wonder.

25. Every time you see a fountain you want to dance around it and yell "Fame!"

26. You still have a shoebox full of Garbage Pail Kid cards.

27. You write your congressman asking him to introduce a bill to make "Born in the USA" the national anthem.

28. You still use your Snoopy Sno-cone Machine.

29. You know it's not "comma, comma, comma" it's karma.

30. You stay up nights wondering what Bastian's mother's name was in the "Never-ending Story."

31. You have nightmares about the Peculiar Purple Pieman of Porcupine Peak.

32. You still practice your Care Bear stare.

33. You know that girls just wanna have fun-un.

34. You can name all of the Wuzzles.

35. You harbor a secret dream of being slimmed by Alistair.

36. You can do the Safety Dance.

37. In your spare time you are writing the "Breakfast Club 2."

38. You like to "connect the dots, la la la la!"

39. Someone mentions Jennifer Beals and you don't say "Who?"

40. Your prized possession is a collection of "Return of the Jedi" Shrinky Dinks.

41. You know whose number is 867-5309.

42. You get depressed thinking about Anthony Michael Hall's career.

43. You're starting a write-in campaign to MTV to bring back Remote Control.

44. You drink Diet Coke because Max Headroom told you to.

45. You consider Jo vs. Blair the major philosophical conflict of the 20th century.

46. You have a duck phone and ride around your house on a little train.

47. You want to be one of the Solid Gold dancers.

48. You still watch things on Beta.

49. You want to change your name to Rio and dance on the sand.

50. Your favorite proverb is "some like it hot and some sweat when the heat is on."

51. You always waited for the Sweet Pickles Bus to visit your house.

52. Your favorite party game is Hungry, Hungry Hippos.

53. You know that "Weird Science" was a movie before a tv show.

54. You saw the New Kids on the Block when they were Tiffany's opening act.

55. You liked Tom Hanks better when he was a crossdresser.

56. You know which Hollywood Square Jim J. Bullock was in.

57. You practice getting in and out of your car through the windows.

58. You have the tendency to trun up the collar of your polo shirts.

59. You're still wondering who really was the boss.

60. You know what the "P" in Alex P. Keaton stands for.

61. You keep asking your teacher's if instead of the quiz you can take the physical challenge.

62. You organize weekend tournaments of TV tag.

63. You still drink New Coke.

64. When you watch "Terminator 2" you wonder where Vincent is.

65. You know ALF's real name.

66. You never go out for a night on the town without frosted blue eyeshadow and feathered bangs.

67. You can name all of the Thundercats.

68. You got a hankerin' for a hunk of cheese.

69. Everything in your wardrobe is either fluorescent of pastel.

70. Your musical inspiration is Sonny Mann.

71. Sometimes you just want to shout, shout, let it all out.

72. You're planning a dream vacation to Mepos.

73. You use your Speak and Spell to phone home.

74. You know the original members of Menudo.

75. Sometimes out of the blue you just got to shake your love.

76. When you're stuck in traffic you tell your car to engage Turbo Boost and are surprised when it doesn't talk back.

77. You remember when Vanessa sang kareoke to "Locomotion."

78. You know that Mr. Steele functions best in an advisory capacity.

79. People are constantly gagging you with spoons.

80. Your idea of appreciating ancient cultures is "Walk Like an Egyptian."

81. The only thing you know about the Nazis is that they threw Indy to the snakes.

82. You still use your hair crimper before going out on a hot date.

83. You hatch plots to break Murdock out of VA hospital.

84. You know which five people Serpentor's DNA came from.

85. You have the "We Are the World" on 45.

86. You're still sending death threats to Mr. Rubik.

87. You can feel St. Elmo's fire burning' in you.

88. You watch NYPD Blue thinking, "Well they're no Crockett and Tubbs, that's for sure!"

89. "Goonies" is your favorite movie of all time!

90. You get thrown out of classical music concerts after interrupting a Mozart piece yelling "Ooooo, rock me Amadeus!"

91. You still mourn the death of Rudy's goldfish, Lamont.

92. If someone says, "Who are you gonna call?" the first thing you say is "Ghostbusters."

93. When someone calls for someone more than once in public, you start saying, "Bueller, Bueller, Bueller."

I love making smart-@ssed comments to these lists.

1. Your fondest childhood memory is when Skippy got his head stuck in the banister.
- What's a "Skippy"

2. You relax by putting on your legwarmers and dancing to the "Flashdance" soundtrack.
- Actually I wear only the legwarmers and jump around. My wife thinks it's funny, but it scares the cat.

3. You think the two Coreys are "totally awesome."
- Didn't they die from heroin overdoses or something?

4. You're still bitter that Wham! broke up.
- Hee Hee, they should've been called Whack.

5. Punky Brewster is your hero.
- Yeah, I can sleep at night because she's out there protecting freedom. (sarcasm) But, she did um "Develop" quite well.

6. You type all of your term papers on a Commodore 64.
- It's actually quaint to see those old things. They're kinda like victrolas.

7. You still resent your parents for not installing a dumbwaiter in you house like Webster's.
- lousy "Different Strokes" ripoff.

8. The only video games you play are Frogger and Pac Man.
- and Space Invaders (but that was the 70's)

9. You're building your own Clockwork Smurf.
- Only to infiltrate and bring down their communist society.

10. Your summer attire is Jellies and Jams.
- No, I'm just a sloppy eater.

11. A-ha's "Take on Me" is still your favorite video.
- What did they find so funny anyway?

12. You consider yourself truly, truly, truly outrageous, much like Jem and the Holograms.
- no I'm quite rageous thank you.

13. You wonder why more people don't wear high heels, Jordache jeans and lacy white ankle socks.
- What?

14. You call all motorcycle cops "Ponch."
- Beats calling them "Pig"

15. Every time you go to the beach you look for Snorks.
- Lousy Commie Smurf ripoff.

16. You're still upset Madonna and Sean broke up.
- But, at least she'll still have the scars, and he'll have herpes.

17. You know who Stinky Sullivan is.
- No.

18. You work out with "Get in Shape Girl."
- No. But sounds kind of kinky.

19. You want to be Molly Ringwald when you grow up.
- I'd be leading an entirely different life if I was. Besides, I've worked in the last decade.

20. You enjoy dancing on the ceiling and wearing your sunglasses at night.
- Just don't drive with sunglasses at night.

21. You know who Loverboy is.
- Again no.

22. You think there should be a Kids Incorporated original cast reunion.
- Didn't they all die in vietnam? No wait, that's what I wished when that stupid show was on.

23. You think of Janet Jackson as "that girl who used to date Willis."
- That must have been what he was talkin about.

24. You can sing the theme song to Small Wonder.
- I could do a lot of things if I had some money.

25. Every time you see a fountain you want to dance around it and yell "Fame!"
- Oddly, no.

26. You still have a shoebox full of Garbage Pail Kid cards.
- Ok, I'm guilty on that one.

27. You write your congressman asking him to introduce a bill to make "Born in the USA" the national anthem.
- Actually, I write my senator asking him to put Exlax in Sheets Byrd's Ensure.

28. You still use your Snoopy Sno-cone Machine.
- No it's broken

29. You know it's not "comma, comma, comma" it's karma.
- I was never any good in grammar class.

30. You stay up nights wondering what Bastian's mother's name was in the "Never-ending Story."
- No, but why did it end? That's false advertising.

31. You have nightmares about the Peculiar Purple Pieman of Porcupine Peak.
- No. Should I be? Are they a threat to freedom?

32. You still practice your Care Bear stare.
- Lousy Commie smurf ripoff.

33. You know that girls just wanna have fun-un.
- Usually by spending some suckers money.

34. You can name all of the Wuzzles.
- What?

35. You harbor a secret dream of being slimmed by Alistair.
- Did I miss that decade completely? I have no idea what's going on.

36. You can do the Safety Dance.
- No I'm white.

37. In your spare time you are writing the "Breakfast Club 2."
- This time they all die in vietnam.

38. You like to "connect the dots, la la la la!"
- Again I have no idea what this refers to.

39. Someone mentions Jennifer Beals and you don't say "Who?"
- Usually I say "Why?"

40. Your prized possession is a collection of "Return of the Jedi" Shrinky Dinks.
- The Empire Strikes Back was so much cooler. But it didn't have Princess Lea in a metal bikini. Man did she hag out or what?

41. You know whose number is 867-5309.
- Damn you Tommy Two Tone!

42. You get depressed thinking about Anthony Michael Hall's career.
- Who?

43. You're starting a write-in campaign to MTV to bring back Remote Control.
- MTV is a commie channel.

44. You drink Diet Coke because Max Headroom told you to.
- No, I drink it because Pepsi hires commies.

45. You consider Jo vs. Blair the major philosophical conflict of the 20th century.
- In the seventh circle of Hell, that crappy show is on 24 hours a day.

46. You have a duck phone and ride around your house on a little train.
- Ok smart guy, where'd you hide the camera?

47. You want to be one of the Solid Gold dancers.
- No.

48. You still watch things on Beta.
- Yeah, while I'm not turning the crank on my model T.

49. You want to change your name to Rio and dance on the sand.
- Again it's never come up.

50. Your favorite proverb is "some like it hot and some sweat when the heat is on."
- I prefer "You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. But you'd be amazed at the number of flies a dead skunk will attract"

51. You always waited for the Sweet Pickles Bus to visit your house.
- What? Have you been drinking?

52. Your favorite party game is Hungry, Hungry Hippos.
- Yes

53. You know that "Weird Science" was a movie before a tv show.
- Who doesn't. Though the chick on the TV show was hotter.

54. You saw the New Kids on the Block when they were Tiffany's opening act.
- No sorry, I'm heterosexual.

55. You liked Tom Hanks better when he was a crossdresser.
- Who's to say he isn't? He is a democrap.

56. You know which Hollywood Square Jim J. Bullock was in.
- Oddly enough, wasn't it Paul Lynde's old square? Funny coincidence that.

57. You practice getting in and out of your car through the windows.
- In a Kia? If I slam the door too hard, I have to take it in for service.

58. You have the tendency to trun up the collar of your polo shirts.
- Yeah but that's because I don't care about my appearance. I'm married.

59. You're still wondering who really was the boss.
- Not that commie Springsteen.

60. You know what the "P" in Alex P. Keaton stands for.
- No.

61. You keep asking your teacher's if instead of the quiz you can take the physical challenge.
- Those questions were so easy, I always thought those kids were retarded for taking some stupid stunt.

62. You organize weekend tournaments of TV tag.
-What?

63. You still drink New Coke.
- No. Actually they haven't made it for years. Though it was sold as Coke 2 in the south for a while.

64. When you watch "Terminator 2" you wonder where Vincent is.
- What?

65. You know ALF's real name.
- Good lord, I need help. I do know that.

66. You never go out for a night on the town without frosted blue eyeshadow and feathered bangs.
- No. I'm afraid I'd be picked up by Eddie Murphy if I did.

67. You can name all of the Thundercats.
- No.

68. You got a hankerin' for a hunk of cheese.
- Actually no.

69. Everything in your wardrobe is either fluorescent of pastel.
- Again I'm married, so it doesn't really matter what I look like.

70. Your musical inspiration is Sonny Mann.
- Who?

71. Sometimes you just want to shout, shout, let it all out.
- I like to do it at old people. It scares them, but my taxes pay their Social Security. Let those dead-beats actually earn a check.

72. You're planning a dream vacation to Mepos.
- God I'm a geek. I caught the reference.

73. You use your Speak and Spell to phone home.
- ET was a lousy commie "Different Strokes" Ripoff

74. You know the original members of Menudo.
- What's a Menudo? Can I get one at Taco Bell?

75. Sometimes out of the blue you just got to shake your love.
- Yeah, but it scares the cat.

76. When you're stuck in traffic you tell your car to engage Turbo Boost and are surprised when it doesn't talk back.
- Yeah, but I'm insane.

77. You remember when Vanessa sang kareoke to "Locomotion."
- Who did what now?

78. You know that Mr. Steele functions best in an advisory capacity.
- Lousy Commie "Avengers" Rip off.

79. People are constantly gagging you with spoons.
- Yeah. I don't particularly like people, and they tend to pick up on that.

80. Your idea of appreciating ancient cultures is "Walk Like an Egyptian."
- Oddly enough, those chicks are still hot.

81. The only thing you know about the Nazis is that they threw Indy to the snakes.
- Yeah that, oh and that whole "exterminating the Jews" thing.

82. You still use your hair crimper before going out on a hot date.
- What is a crimper? It's probably a lousy commie "Different Strokes" rip off.

83. You hatch plots to break Murdock out of VA hospital.
- I'd pitty the fool who'd try it.

84. You know which five people Serpentor's DNA came from.
- Is that even in english?

85. You have the "We Are the World" on 45.
- Commie crap.

86. You're still sending death threats to Mr. Rubik.
- Actually I think he's dead.

87. You can feel St. Elmo's fire burning' in you.
- Is that what that was.

88. You watch NYPD Blue thinking, "Well they're no Crockett and Tubbs, that's for sure!"
- Actually never watched either of those shows because they were lousy commie "Different Strokes" Ripoffs.

89. "Goonies" is your favorite movie of all time!
- It's actually funny when you realize that the entire cast now work at an Arby's somewhere.

90. You get thrown out of classical music concerts after interrupting a Mozart piece yelling "Ooooo, rock me Amadeus!"
- No.

91. You still mourn the death of Rudy's goldfish, Lamont.
- No. I find it amusing when children cry. I am an "Evil Conservative"

92. If someone says, "Who are you gonna call?" the first thing you say is "Ghostbusters."
- That movie was a lousy commie "Different Strokes" Ripoff.

93. When someone calls for someone more than once in public, you start saying, "Bueller, Bueller, Bueller."
No