Be Cool to the Pizza Dude

NPR ^ | May 16, 2005 | Sarah Adams

[sociotard]

If I have one operating philosophy about life it is this: "Be cool to the pizza delivery dude; it's good luck." Four principles guide the pizza dude philosophy.

Principle 1: Coolness to the pizza delivery dude is a practice in humility and forgiveness. I let him cut me off in traffic, let him safely hit the exit ramp from the left lane, let him forget to use his blinker without extending any of my digits out the window or towards my horn because there should be one moment in my harried life when a car may encroach or cut off or pass and I let it go. Sometimes when I have become so certain of my ownership of my lane, daring anyone to challenge me, the pizza dude speeds by me in his rusted Chevette. His pizza light atop his car glowing like a beacon reminds me to check myself as I flow through the world. After all, the dude is delivering pizza to young and old, families and singletons, gays and straights, blacks, whites and browns, rich and poor, vegetarians and meat lovers alike. As he journeys, I give safe passage, practice restraint, show courtesy, and contain my anger.

Principle 2: Coolness to the pizza delivery dude is a practice in empathy. Let's face it: We've all taken jobs just to have a job because some money is better than none. I've held an assortment of these jobs and was grateful for the paycheck that meant I didn't have to share my Cheerios with my cats. In the big pizza wheel of life, sometimes you're the hot bubbly cheese and sometimes you're the burnt crust. It's good to remember the fickle spinning of that wheel.

Principle 3: Coolness to the pizza delivery dude is a practice in honor and it reminds me to honor honest work. Let me tell you something about these dudes: They never took over a company and, as CEO, artificially inflated the value of the stock and cashed out their own shares, bringing the company to the brink of bankruptcy, resulting in 20,000 people losing their jobs while the CEO builds a home the size of a luxury hotel. Rather, the dudes sleep the sleep of the just.

Principle 4: Coolness to the pizza delivery dude is a practice in equality. My measurement as a human being, my worth, is the pride I take in performing my job -- any job -- and the respect with which I treat others. I am the equal of the world not because of the car I drive, the size of the TV I own, the weight I can bench press, or the calculus equations I can solve. I am the equal to all I meet because of the kindness in my heart. And it all starts here -- with the pizza delivery dude.

Tip him well, friends and brethren, for that which you bestow freely and willingly will bring you all the happy luck that a grateful universe knows how to return.

[dit_xi]

Several comments I would like to make.

"It's not delivery, it's DiGiornio!"

I thought the point of being nice to the pizza dude and tipping him well was so that he won't spit on my pizza. It's a general rule that applies to waiters, waitress, busboys, or anyone in the food service industry. I'd hate to find a lopped off finger in my food.

OK, agreed...be cool to the pizza dude...but what about the Chinese dude that brings the Moo Goo Gai Pan, egg rolls and Shrimp Fly Lice?

[freebilly]

I was a pizza dude in a Datsun B210. All the maniacal driving blew the head gasket and warped the head on one of the coolest uncool cars I ever had.

I delivered pizza to the funkiest motels on Santa Rosa Ave where there was always some cranked out tattooed guy stripped to the waist who answered the door while his "girlfriend" sat up in the bed behind him with the sheets pulled up around her breasts.

The cranksters and the Chinese families, and the Mexicans, and the poor as dirt families with 2 kids in diapers and the broken down cars parked on the lawns were always the best tippers. The worst tippers were the people who lived up Fountaingrove or in Bennett Valley. Single guys partying with a bunch of other single guys tipped lousy too. I could almost guarantee that the bigger the square footage of a house or the more single drunk guys watching basketball or boxing in the livingroom the worse the tip....

[freebilly]

Amen!