Posted on 05/12/2005 11:02:51 AM PDT by colorcountry
Any woman who survived junior high school knows all about "mean girls." Often, they're the girls who establish the social strata. They systematically include — or exclude — others from groups. They threaten to exclude girls unless certain demands are met. Most women will agree that these were the girls who made junior high a miserable time in life. Now researchers believe that girls as young as 3 use manipulation and peer pressure to get what they want. Little girls use "relational aggression" to maintain their social status starting as early as preschool. Unlike boys, who may resort to physical violence to enhance or preserve their social standing — or to resolve disputes — girls are believed to be equally aggressive. But they use different means. They spread rumors, sometimes via e-mail or text messaging. They set the social pecking order in their respective schools by determining who may be part of a clique. These girls, according to researchers, are socially skilled and popular but can be manipulative and subversive. While some of this behavior is inevitable, parents need to be aware that "mean girls" mirror how their families conduct themselves at home. If girls observe their parents withholding their love and affection as punishment, children may do the same in their peer relationships. Parents and caregivers need to pay attention to "mean girl" conduct, whether their child is the aggressor or on the receiving end of insults or slights. "Mean girls" need to understand the consequences of their actions. For instance, if a child threatens not to invite another child to her birthday party, parents should ask the aggressor how she would feel if she was excluded from the guest list. Victims of "mean girl" behavior should know that parents, caregivers and teachers will act as their advocates when they are mistreated. No "girls will be girls" excuses should be accepted. Intervening early does not guarantee that "mean girls" won't resort to this type of behavior later in life. But it is critical that parents teach their daughters more acceptable social skills so they don't resort to this behavior, and coping mechanisms so they can cope with the meanies with their self-esteem intact.
I have a quiet, introverted 13 year old daughter and I really have a disdain for the kids in her "group". She comes home crying once about every two weeks. She will tell us what happen and most of the time I say just ignore them and stay away to which my wife retorts that she can't do that she has to have friends. So I have changed and started saying kiss her ( the agitator ) butt. Again I am chastised. Most of the time it is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Yesterday a boy wanted to ask my daughter "out" and a friend of hers told him "good you can shave your mustaches together". First she doesn't have one ( she is fair and blonde ) and she knows it, but what kind of crap is that. Since mom won't let her handle it the right way I have cued big brother in and he said he'll handle it.
Women are just not right. You take abuse for no good reason when a good butt-whipping will fix it. If you will confront just one of the school bullies the rest will leave you alone as well.
Sometimes I was in the "in" group...sometimes I was in the "out" group. I survived, and one way or the other so will she.
It sounds like she has "one proud (and good) dad," that will help a lot.
You little chicks are much meaner than the boys in grade school!
I could never understand, if you don't want to play with a certain kid, fine, don't play with them, but why tell everyone else in the class not to play with them?
Having raised both girls and boys, I have to say, girls are much more conniving and manipulative than boys.
But boys can be mean too, I don't think they put as much thought into it.
I come from a family with mostly men and am really frustrated with the teenage girl thing. I just don't get it and why some parents promote this behavior by feeding the peer thing with ouver-priced clothes and toys etc...
Do we ever put as much thought into anything? Probably not!
Boys tend to be episodically mean. It comes and goes.
Girls who have mean tendencies tend to be chronically vicious.
LOL...but shouldn't this be on the PMS thread?
I think I posted it there too....
Some things can be said twice without being repetitive.
;-)
DD
The answer is insecurity.
I have a good friend who grew up with three sisters. When she gave birth to her fourth boy, people kept shaking their heads, "four boys! What a hand full." her response was that she'd rather raise four boys over four girls anyday. Speaking from experience, the wrestling and roughhousing were far easier to deal with than mind games she endured.
My mom raised four boys a nd say the same thing when talking with her kin that had girls.
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