Posted on 05/04/2005 4:51:43 AM PDT by genefromjersey
If the foo sh*ts, wear it!
Being from Jersey, why was it not Shop-Rite, Acme or Key Food? This pun is showing Ohio roots naming Kroger's as the supermarket. (:-D
...but no pun in 10 did.
A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?"
The man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything."
"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient.
To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"
There was this guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine who was very pretty and he liked her a lot.
One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started. Her name was Clearly and she was absolutely gorgeous. He became quite besotted with her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too.
But this guy was a loyal man and he wouldn't get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine.
He decided that there was nothing for it but to break up with her and get it on with the new girl.
He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it. One day they went for a walk along the river bank when Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she drowned.
The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing: "I can see Clearly now Lorraine has gone"
And...the second part: Don't know his name either, but he sure is a dead ringer for his brother.
Well done!
Corny, but it made me laugh none the less.
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
"Two obese Pattys, Special Ross, Lester G picking bunyons on a Sesame Street bus!"
The third guy says to St. Peter, "So get this... here I am, hiding in a refrigerator..."
"Bill Clinton's? Oh, we're using that in the office as a fan."
What did she write for the autograph when you snagged it?
The whole "joke" (a triple pun): If I kick the orchestra conductor in the gounods, it'll make his pekka sor.
I didn't ask.
Some other twit of a lady came over and fawned over her and, not kidding, had to ask Helen her name. . .all the lady could remember was that Helen badgered Reagan and Bush and wanted her to keep at it.
I swear, in life Helen is as ugly on the outside as she is on the inside.
Cheers
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