Posted on 04/15/2005 8:30:45 AM PDT by pissant
1. Ask her to dance.
2. On windy days, brush wayward strands of hair from her eyes and mouth.
3. When she’s coming down the street, across the room, or up the stairs to meet you, walk towards her as soon as you see her.
4. Kiss her between her shoulder blades when she turns her back to you to go to sleep.
5. Put your arm around her when you introduce her to your friends and family.
6. Grasp her hand when a scantily dressed, beautiful woman walks by.
7. Call her when you’re feeling sad.
8. Kiss her eyelids.
9. Ask to see a picture of her when she was a child.
10. Wash her from head to toe in the shower.
11. If she’s crying on the phone, go over to her place. Immediately.
12. TOO NAUGHTY (ed)
13. Occasionally call her by her first and middle names.
14. Buy her your favourite rock album of all time on vinyl.
15. Order coffee for her, remembering exactly how she likes it.
16. Undress her and put her to bed when she falls asleep in the car.
17. Mention your upcoming anniversary before she does.
18. Send her something in the mail. Anything.
19. When she’s feeling insecure, stare into her eyes and tell her there is no-one in the world who could be as right for you as she is.
20. Call her just before you get on the plane.
21. Pick her clothes up off the floor.
22. Try desperately to make her laugh when she’s feeling down.
23. Take her to see your favourite sport live. Pay more attention to her than to the game.
24. Touch her arm when you leave the table to go to the bathroom. Touch her again when you come back.
25. Shave just before you see her. She’ll notice.
26. Hug her when she gets jealous. Hug her hard.
27. Worship her breasts.
28. Give her jewellery.
29. Hand her two towels when she gets out of the shower. (The second one is for her hair.)
30. Ask her specific questions about her work.
31. Keep her favourite cereal on hand.
32. In the middle of a conversation, tell her you love her.
33. Send her very expensive flowers when you screw up.
34. Take her to a cabin with a fireplace. Build her a fire.
35. TOO SAUCY (ed)
36. Read her a story when it’s her turn to drive during a long road trip.
37. Offer to fix something at her place that you realise is broken.
38. Notice when she’s wearing something new.
39. Make love to her standing up, against a wall.
40. Kiss her hand in front of your most die-hard bachelor buddies.
41. If she’s too stressed to want sex... a. Run a bath for her. b. Give her a full-body massage. c. Ask if she wants to wrestle.
"Hey honey – watch this!"
Then hawk a loogie at the ceiling. When she covers her head with the blanket fire away.
I don't see 'bring her breakfast in bed on weekends ... and start early enough to stick around for the brunch.
"27. Worship her breasts. (Just don't chant to them) "
Uh oh.. The mental image is just horrible.
It's the scene in Return of the Jedi when the Ewoks are worshipping C3PO.
*pounds forehead into monitor*
Curse this weird sense of humor I have!
Not only that, but the wife will get even more upset that you're wasting money on something that only lasts for a few days.
ROFL! At that one especially.
Or keep your mouth otherwise occupied, right? ;-)
Yep. You mean chewing tobacco, eating a burger, or flossing her teeth, I assume.
Sadly, with some guys that's an iffy call. I could never get quite that into televised sports, myself...
And if she doesn’t know you screwed up, the flowers are a dead give away – unless you make a habit of bringing flowers just because you love her.
Well, pissant, 'New Age Sensitive Guy' that you are, I wonder if you can answer this question for me:
If I don't like gifts of flowers and jewelry, does that mean maybe I am a liberal, or am I just weird?
Answer 1. Nope. Just means you'd rather get spanked. A universal desire of women.
Answer 2. Means you are every man's dream. Parting with cash for flowers & jewelry is painful!
Oh good! I share a universal desire! I was beginning to worry a bit when I realized how much I am apparently in the minority of women when it comes to the flowers and jewelry thing. (Plus the not finding Sean Connery the least bit attractive at any age.) :o)
That Sean thing edges you toward the weird category. But you're a youngen, so I can't hold it against you.
I wanted to be him as a kid. I'm sure it had nothing to do with bedding down umpteen Bond girls. ;o)
If I ever designed my dream house..it would have a urinal in the master bath...saves space, and water, and is neater...
I wrote that BEFORE I read what #12 really was.
Oy Vey!
;-)
The first time I heard that it was Roslyn and Jimmy Carter!
Now, that's an old joke!
DD
Remember, I didn't ask you that question.
However, if you would like to Freepmail me the answer....
;-)
DD
I DID read it. ;o)
I can tell by your breathlessness.
Only 'cause its you!!!
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