Why It's Great to be a Woman

JokesOnline ^ | 12/04 | staff

[pissant]

We got off the Titanic first.

We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.

Taxis stop for us.

We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.

We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her butt.

We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

We have the ability to dress ourselves.

We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

We'll never regret piercing our ears.

We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

[patton]

Close. I wore them at work, today.

I am a mathematician. ;)

[Modernman]

Do you need a reading? What kind of shoes do you have on?

Black square-toed Kenneth Cole lace-ups.

[najida]

I'm wearing Butter Ferragamo mules with Beryl kitten heels, a woven to the front cream bow and top stitching around the toe. :)

[Auntbee]

I fall in that category.

[patton]

What? What language was that?

I gave my best employee a 42% raise this year - she screamed something about guilt-free shoes, and ran out the door.

When she cam back, she had something on her feet. That was all I cared about.

[teenyelliott]

Okay, before everyone thinks I am Cleo the internet psychic (and probably as accurate), let me add a couple of things to my original statement.

In order to size up a person based on their shoes, you have to have a visual of the whole person, as well as knowledge of the specific environment in which they are worn.

Come on, people, this is science!

[pissant]

Being a woman? Or wearing socks at work?

[normy]

I really have to watch where I go with my friends nowadays because the 30+ women are so freakin desperate. It doesn't matter if your wearing a ring they will try to seduce you, its pretty pathetic.

Oh and a group men can sit together at a bar or dinner and not speak of women once.

[Auntbee]

Both, plus 25-50, unmarried and a conservative.

[Auntbee]

I hear ya. I went out with two single women friends of mine (I'm single, too) and all they could talk about was finding a man. Geez, all I wanted to do was have a drink. If this is what single women over 45 and unmarried talk about all the time I'll just stay home and rent a movie and buy a six pack.

[pissant]

Got it. Well I knew there was a reason I always liked having you on my threads!!!

[pissant]

I've never had a drink with the fellers where we didn't at least didn't size up the help (waitresses and bartenders).

[teenyelliott]

Well, you must do something interesting to get them muddy. And if you wore them to work, you must be the boss. If that is the case, I bet you are really easy to work for, and a very nice guy.

[patton]

Blue jeans. White oxford. Old sweater, with holes in the elbows. Beard (red), unkempt hair (some other color, no one can put a name to).

Come to think of it, I look like the unibomber.

[teenyelliott]

man - Why did God make women so beautiful, yet so stupid?

woman - He made us beautiful so that you would be attracted to us. He made us stupid so that we would be attracted to you.

[teenyelliott]

I love lamp.

[patton]

You are better at this than I would have guessed.

I expected, "Cheap shoes, unkempt, loser."

Looks like my disguise is worthless.

[infidel29]

For whom? It can't be because they're soooo comfortable.

[pissant]

To which post are you replying?

[teenyelliott]

Come to think of it, I look like the unibomber.

Sounds to me like you look like a liberal professor. ;)