I'm doing better today. I can tell that the prayer-ers are 'working'. Every time the images/sadness overwhelm me, I sense a Blanket of 'Peace' enveloping me, and I'm able to think about other 'stuff'. LOL...it's gonna take a couple/few days before my eyes STOP lookin' like a druggie's. (heh...no 'bags', more like steamer trunks)
For the sake of my heart, I've made the decision to REFUSE to dwell on things, and to take the space to heal. I know that it's going to be a while before I am a part of the daily feedings. (hubby and kids will have to take over) I always looked forward to Twister's whinny and run, at grain time, and it's gonna be too hard, right now, NOT to see that.
I did a bunch of 'research' on the net, aging horses by their teeth. From what I've seen/read, she was well over 30. (when she was 'down', I could look and poke around in her mouth. We couldn't do such a thorough exam when she was 'up and around')
She's in good company at The Rainbow Bridge.
30 is ancient for any horse. You have absolutely nothing to regret, other than the fact that she's passed on. But at 30 it sounds like you gave her a wonderful life for the time she was with you. You didnt "save" her to prolong her pain, you saved her so she could go with love, respect and dignity. My God, what greater gift! Mourn your loss but never blame yourself for lovin' her up as you did.
As humans that is our only job. It makes everything else possible.