I am in college currently, and when I was younger, our family actually ate together, which is rare for today.
However, when it came to table manners, we did not really have any. We just grabbed the bowl of food and brought it to us instead of asking others to pass it. I guess our attitude was why should you have to work when I want something? So, I would get up, go to the other end of the table, and get the food. My mom shouldn't have to pass it to me when it is something I want.
Anyway, we also were not sticklers about the elbows on the table or placement of forks and knives etc. You just grabbed the needed utensils. Why be anal about how they are organized on the table?
One habit I don't like though is my bad habit of having elbows on the table all the time. It is awful. I just eat and stick my elbows on the table. This is about the only piece of good table manners I actually feel I should adhere to....pulling your head down to your spoon is just lazy.
I don't have a problem with relaxed table manners in older children. The problem is, when a parent is too relaxed with teaching children good table manners (or any other manners) when they're young is that children cannot differentiate the
setting. For example, if children get up to fetch some food from the opposite end of the table at home, they are far more likely to do that when dining out with their family. Working in a restaurant, I can tell you this: children who do not remain seated while eating are not just distracting,
they are dangerous. I have had to dodge kids while carrying a tray laden with food in one hand and a steaming pot of coffee in another. That is dangerous. There are always going to be times when a child must be excused from the table while dining out (to use the restroom, for example). That is an unavoidable circumstance. A child, or an adult for that matter, should not have to leave their seat in order to get food from further down the table--it is
avoidable. The other problem with a child getting up to get more food in a restaurant is that it sends a message to other dining children--"Why not stretch your legs, compadres?" That's fine in Chuck E. Cheese, where the behavior
should be expected. Once a child is old enough to distinguish what constitutes good
public manners as opposed to
private manners, the relaxing of rules at home might be something the parents want to consider.
I haven't had a thing to eat yet today, folks. There's a bowl of cereal calling my name somewhere in this house!
One must learn to eat properly. Good table manners will carry you anywhere. You'll never be embarrassed in a public/business setting.
At the house is a different deal. I have an 8 YO who can cut his own meat and eat European style with his fork in his left hand.