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**** OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD!!!! ****
3/11/05 | All

Posted on 03/11/2005 8:16:15 AM PST by Fierce Allegiance

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That business out of the way, let's have at it!


TOPICS:
KEYWORDS: humor
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To: blondatheart

282 previous posts and that one finally got me into "cube time out" for laughter!


301 posted on 03/11/2005 1:23:16 PM PST by llevrok (Don't blame me!!!!!! I voted for Pedro)
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To: peacebaby
I didn't know the stirrup was upside down. I couldn't get any further than the hole in the front of his trousers....oh, wait a minute....

Oookay then. I'm going to go stand over...there now.

302 posted on 03/11/2005 1:24:51 PM PST by AnOldCowhand (The west is dead. You may lose a sweetheart, but you will never forget her - Charles Russell)
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To: llevrok

'could be interesing' ?????

It is interesting and exciting. What a thrill to be seated at the start finish line of Bristol Motor Speedway and see 43 cars speeding around a .533 mile track at over 100 miles an hour! Now thats a good time! :)


303 posted on 03/11/2005 1:25:03 PM PST by EHC Southern Pride (Its ALL about Dale Jr. GO # 8!!!)
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To: Fierce Allegiance
I doubt this is it... but funny anyway


304 posted on 03/11/2005 1:25:43 PM PST by r-q-tek86 (Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect)
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To: Fierce Allegiance
I like squares and rectangles sometimes...


305 posted on 03/11/2005 1:29:25 PM PST by r-q-tek86 (Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect)
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To: EHC Southern Pride
What a thrill to be seated at the start finish line of Bristol Motor Speedway

I'd just like to be a fly on the wall when y'all shave your favorite driver's car number in each other's back!

306 posted on 03/11/2005 1:30:40 PM PST by llevrok (Don't blame me!!!!!! I voted for Pedro)
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To: llevrok
Let's have a few friday cocktails and forget what we came for rather than deuling.

C'mon over.

307 posted on 03/11/2005 1:31:21 PM PST by AnOldCowhand (The west is dead. You may lose a sweetheart, but you will never forget her - Charles Russell)
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To: ArGee

The Blonde and the Casino:
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very
attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars
($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said,
"I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when
I'm completely nude."
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and
yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed...
"YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings
and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers
stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked,
"What did she roll?" The other answered,
"I don't know - I thought you were watching."


308 posted on 03/11/2005 1:33:24 PM PST by r-q-tek86 (Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect)
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To: llevrok

Okay thats just gross. And seeing as I'm female....no way for that to happen.


309 posted on 03/11/2005 1:34:17 PM PST by EHC Southern Pride (Its ALL about Dale Jr. GO # 8!!!)
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To: EHC Southern Pride
Okay thats just gross. And seeing as I'm female....no way for that to happen.

I am tempted to comment, but I won't.....

310 posted on 03/11/2005 1:37:44 PM PST by llevrok (Don't blame me!!!!!! I voted for Pedro)
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To: Fierce Allegiance; All

Thanks for the ping! I look forward to this thread and always end up forwarding some of the jokes.

Have a great weekend, everyone.


311 posted on 03/11/2005 1:37:58 PM PST by proud American in Canada
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To: r-q-tek86
I got one similar to yours:

A man walks into the law firm of Cohen, Berkowitz and Lipschitz.

Man: Hello. May I speak with Mr. Cohen, please?

Receptionist: I'm sorry sir, Mr. Cohen is out of town.

Man: Well then, may I speak with Mr. Berkowitz?

Receptionist: I'm sorry sir, he's out of town as well.

Man: Oh well, may I speak with Mr. Lipschitz then?

Receptionist: I'm sorry sir, but he is tied up.

Man: Well...alright, I'll come back tomorrow.

(next day)

Man: Good morning! May I speak with Mr. Cohen, please?

Receptionist: I'm sorry sir, Mr. Cohen is out of town.

Man: Well then, may I speak with Mr. Berkowitz?

Receptionist: I'm sorry sir, he's out of town as well.

Man: Oh well, may I speak with Mr. Lipschitz then?

Receptionist: I'm sorry sir, but he is tied up.

Man: Hmmm, well...alright, I'll come back tomorrow.

(next day)

Man: Hello, agian. May I speak with Mr. Cohen, please?

Receptionist: I'm sorry sir, Mr. Cohen is out of town.

Man: Well then, may I speak with Mr. Berkowitz?

Receptionist: I'm sorry sir, he's out of town as well.

Man: Oh well, may I speak with Mr. Lipschitz then?

Receptionist: I'm sorry sir, but he is tied up.

Man: Now wait a minute! I've come in here the last three days and you've given me the same line every time. I'm really losing my patience here! Is this some sort of joke?

Receptionist: No sir, no joke. Every time Mr. Cohen and Mr. Berkowitz go out of town, they tie up Mr. Lipschitz.

312 posted on 03/11/2005 1:38:39 PM PST by Reaganesque
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To: EHC Southern Pride
Hey, and it's Bristol, too!


313 posted on 03/11/2005 1:42:49 PM PST by Fierce Allegiance (“Every time a system is made foolproof - a new class of fool emerges.”)
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To: ArGee

Oh I love to cause a ruckus when I am out playing!!

Elevator Fun

Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.

Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut UP!"

Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

Sell Girl Scout cookies.

On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

Shave.

Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

When at your floor, strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"

Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

One word: Flatulence!

Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"

Give religious tracts to each passenger.

Meow occasionally.

Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

Frown and mutter "Gotta go...Gotta go..." then sigh and say "Oops!"

Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.

Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

Walk on with a cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.

Stare at a passenger and announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

Burp, and then say "Mmmm... tasty!"

Leave a box between the doors.

Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

Start a sing-along.

When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that your beeper?"

Play the harmonica.

Shadow box.

Say "Ding!" at each floor.

Lean against the button panel.

Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and inform the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

Bring a chair along.

Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"

Blow spit bubbles.

Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.

Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."

If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!


314 posted on 03/11/2005 1:43:21 PM PST by blondatheart (No More Tears.....)
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To: llevrok; All

Again I say ewww. Heading home. Have a great weekend everyone!

40 things you'll never hear a Redneck say:

40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrasslin's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who's Richard Petty?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?
12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
09. Checkmate.
08. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
07. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
06. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
05. I don't have a favorite college team.
04. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
03. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
01. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.


315 posted on 03/11/2005 1:43:35 PM PST by EHC Southern Pride (Its ALL about Dale Jr. GO # 8!!!)
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To: r-q-tek86

tHAT'S COOL.


316 posted on 03/11/2005 1:44:12 PM PST by Fierce Allegiance (“Every time a system is made foolproof - a new class of fool emerges.”)
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To: EHC Southern Pride

See you around campus next week, EHC!


317 posted on 03/11/2005 1:47:12 PM PST by llevrok (Don't blame me!!!!!! I voted for Pedro)
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To: Fierce Allegiance
I would need about 3 cigaretes to get all that our!

Me too.

318 posted on 03/11/2005 1:48:55 PM PST by processing please hold (Islam and Christianity do not mix ----9-11 taught us that)
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To: All; yall

Have a nice weekend y'all!


319 posted on 03/11/2005 1:49:14 PM PST by Fierce Allegiance (“Every time a system is made foolproof - a new class of fool emerges.”)
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To: Fierce Allegiance

Thanks. Probably my favorite of the ones that have been built. I have a design that I like better for a different building for the same client... but it has not been built... yet. It is not as "rectangular".


320 posted on 03/11/2005 1:52:02 PM PST by r-q-tek86 (Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect)
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