Posted on 03/11/2005 8:16:15 AM PST by Fierce Allegiance
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That business out of the way, let's have at it!
Way!
Shalom.
YEA!!!!! IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!
Things to do in the bathroom stall...
1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
5. Drop a marble and say, "oh shoot!! My glass eye!!"
6. Say "Darn, this water is cold."
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place six to eight feet. Sigh relaxingly.
8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"
11. Say, "Interesting....more sinkers than floaters.
12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop it under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?"
13. Say. "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!"
14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"
15. Say, "Darn, I Knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
16. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free"
20. When you're in a bathroom stall take a Snickers candy bar with you and when someone is next to you, squish it in your hand and reach under the stall wall and say "You got any more toilet paper over there, This side's completely out."
I second that.
:O)
That's kinda what I thought.
My boss told me this story a while back, He's an octogenarian who is still kickin around pretty well, an Irish immigrant and was knighted by the royalty of belgium. The story goes soemthing like this.
A gent owned a pub called the Pig and Whistle. He wanted a new sign painted for his pub. He hired a journeyman painter. He went out to see the result and was furious. He said "I didnt wand an ampersand, I wanted an 'and' between pig and 'and' and 'and' and whistle."
I can't say it with the flair of my old boss, but I think I got it right.
:O) she'd still be scary looking.....
too funny
"Now who could be fightin' on this wonderful Sunday?", thought Father. "I'll have to go see!"
In the field were two leprechauns, pushing, shoving and shouting at each other
"T'was!
T'was not! Back and forth they went.
Father Kelley pulled the boys apart and asked, "Alright! Alright, boys. Why on God's green earth would two of his finest leprechauns be arguin' on such a beautiful Sunday?"
Sean, the smaller of the two looked up to Father Kelley and replied, "Father?! Is there such a thing as a leprechaun nun?"
"I'm sorry to tell you both. There is no such a thing as leprechaun nun. Sorry, Sean."
At that, the other leprechaun starts it up again,"See?! I told you, Sean!!! You were romancin' a penguin!!"
T'was not!
T'was so.......
Didja hear about the blonde at Vegas? She went by the high-stakes poker tables to a coke machine. She put some money in, pressed a button, and a can of coke came out. She jumped up and down and squeeled with delight. Then she put the can on the floor and did it again.
After about the fifth can one of the poker players was getting tired of her antics and went over and said, "Excuse me, miss, but what are you doing?"
"HelloooooooOOOOOoooooo! Winning!"
Shalom.
Katharine Zeta who? Beauteeful!!
LOL. I live not too far from the worlds largest casino. When I use the change machine next to the vending machines, I usually let out a big "YES!, I won AGAIN!" as the change tumbles out. I'm not blond either.
Speaking of knighthood, it appears the Queen decided to grant one of those foreign knightings (can't remember the technical name) to a Jewish man. The Jewish man was quite honored and studied hard to do himself proud at the ceremony. However, when the Queen greeted him he quite forgot what he was supposed to say so he said, "Shalom b'Shem" which is a quite proper greeting in Hebrew.
The Queen looked at the Captain of the Guard and said, "Why is this Knight different from all other Knights?"
If you don't get that, don't be afraid to speak up. The observant Jews will get it, even if they don't think it's funny.
Shalom.
I gave up the wacky weed many, many years ago. I'm just a wineaux now.
Maybe if NASCAR merged with F1, it could be interesting(F1 courses go to the right, Nascar to the left)
Why is it Flake-e-tects always have to have radial walls and asymetrical stuff. What the heck is wrong with squares & rectangles?
I am literally crying...
My spleen hurts from laughing
Gggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnn...
Ravi Zacharius (sp?) has a section in one of his books where he is visiting the Fine Arts Museum at Cornell University. The tour guide seems very proud of the fact that the architects did many non-standard things with the building. I don't remember many details, but things like stairways that go nowhere, etc. She said that the architects threw out orthodoxy when designing the building.
Ravi raised his hand and said, "They didn't do that with the foundation, did they? Because if they did I'm leaving right now."
Shalom
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