Whatever Hillary prays for probably would scare us. Can you imagine the "grieving widow" act she'd put on if/when x42 dies? It would be worth at least 10 million votes, no doubt.
TERESA Heinz, wife of Democratic presidential candidate Sen. John Kerry, will be ridiculed more savagely than the other targets at tonight's Gridiron Club gala in Washington — and the woman playing Teresa is one of her biggest supporters in the media, ancient White House reporter and George W. Bush-hater Helen Thomas.
At the club's 120th annual dinner of song and satire, Thomas, who once described Bush as "the worst president of my lifetime," will come out as Teresa and sing to the tune of "Thank Heaven for Little Girls."
But Maurice Chevalier wouldn't recognize the new lyrics: "Thank heaven, he lost the race/I'd have to move into a smaller place/Thank heaven, no Air Force One/My plane is faster and it has more space . . . Thank heaven, he lost the race/Now I can tell the press/Just how and when and where to go/And I'm allowed my wine and escargots."
Other singers will pose as filmmaker Michael Moore, sprinter Marion Jones, baseball star Barry Bonds, Sen. Ted Kennedy, Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah, House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, Pakistani President Musharraf and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld.
Every president since Benjamin Harrison (with the exception of Grover Cleveland) has attended the annual white-tie dinner thrown by the Gridiron Club, founded in 1855 and limited to 65 D.C.-based journalists.
Two prospective 2008 presidential candidates — Gov. Bill Richardson (D-N.M.) and Sen. Chuck Hagel (R-Neb.) — are expected to speak on behalf of their parties tonight.
Gridiron president Richard Ryan will note that many residents of New Mexico see Richardson as a future president: "Of course, many people in New Mexico also see flying saucers near Roswell."
Showing bipartisanship, Ryan will take issue with Hagel's claim that he's on good terms with the White House: "He showed me his personal invitation to the White House Valentine's Day party, which he received yesterday."
In a skit making fun of the GOP, the journalists will sing the tune of "God Bless the U.S.A." with new lyrics: "I support our troops and airmen 'cause I know that war is hell/And I voted twice for W, 'cause it's a name that I can spell./I know the Bill of Rights allows me to bear arms and carry beer/And I support defense of marriage 'cause I divorced three chicks last year." (Page Six)