Episode 2 ended at the Pit Stop atop Cerro Santa Lucia, a lovely hill in downtown Santiago, Chile, from whence the racers apparently went to a hotel for the night.
In Episode 3, teams start from a hotel in Santiago to
1. The Bulnes carpark in downtown Santiago
2. A Detour at Puente Viejo, an “old bridge” off the mountainous Andean highway between Chile and Argentina
3. A Roadblock at a traditional Argentinian outdoor Bar-B-Q joint called Camping Suizo
4. The Pit Stop at Estancia San Isidro, a traditional Argentinean ranch near the city of Mendoza.
Episode 3 began with teams ripping open clues beginning at 12:34 a.m. when Romber leaves the Pit Stop hotel. They learn that they are to pick up a car at the Bulnes underground garage and drive it 150 miles to Argentina. But of course, it’s bunching time and the garage does not open until 5 a.m. so Romber goes directly back to the hotel for more sleep. Other teams make other choices, with Ron and Kelly (Relly) opting to sleep on benches outside the garage.
When Romber leaves the hotel, they see Debbie and Bianca (Debianca) in the lobby huddled with the concierge and a map, ostensibly figuring out the best route to the Pit Stop. Sneaky Rob offers Debianca’s waiting cab driver a bonus to ditch the girls and take them to the garage. This little maneuver is apparently not so much for advantage in the race, as other cabs must be waiting at a big hotel, but just to tick them off. Hold this thought. Getting Debianca flustered from the start may have been the determining factor in where they finished the race.
Ladies and Gentlemen, start your engines! All of the teams hurtle out of the garage together in roadworthy new vehicles. Rob immediately finds a cruising policeman and asks direction. The cop goes him one better, leading him to the freeway with sirens blaring and “party” lights flaring, thus giving him the lead.
As dawn breaks, we’re treated to some nice camera work from a helicopter showing the cars zigzagging up the most incredible series of hairpin turns imaginable in a surreal mountain moonscape without a tree, shrub or bush in sight. Altitude becomes a factor, especially for Meredith, and Gretch offers him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. The imagination balks at the image. Thank heavens she’s kidding!
But wait! Not every team is on the freeway to Argentina. Patrick and Susan (Team Umbilical) are still back in Santiago, literally driving in circles looking for the freeway. Viewers’ hopes are raised that perhaps they’ll never find it, but the stumble upon it after an hour and a half of circling.
And guess who else is missing from the rally race up the mountain? Debianca! The girls apparently got directionally impaired over Rob, and are driving fast and furious, mostly furious, over a flat toll road to nowhere. They do not discover their mistake until TWO HOURS later when it dawns on them that the beach they’re driving along may not be in the Andes Mountains. They head back, hoping out loud that some team has a flat tire to make up for their four-hour mistake. (Reminds me of an old Italian traffic curse hurled at a driver who cuts you off: “Four flats!”)
Meanwhile, back in the Andes, teams begin arriving at the Detour, where they find their first Yield. No one uses it but surely would have had Romber not been first to arrive. Teams choose between Paddle and Pedal. Paddling requires upper body strength to paddle an inflatable raft seven miles down a bubbling river with three professional rowers on board to make sure they don’t drown. Pedal requires leg strength, pedaling a mountain bike over a seven-mile course along train tracks, quite a lot of it uphill.
Romber suits up and begins to paddle followed almost immediately by Lynn&Alex (Frilly2). The race is on. The gay boys, fueled by hate, hate, hate for Rob pull ahead as Amber’s arms tire. (Other reviewers who know more about these things speculate that Lynn&Alex are fueled not so much by hatred as by finding macho Rob enormously attractive and frustratingly out of reach. Could be Amber they really hate. LOL)
Other teams, minus Team Umbilical and Debianca, all choose to paddle except Brian and Greg, the dude bros who have spent their lives cycling along Santa Monica Beach in search of ……well, recreation. The bros get off to a good start but Debianca’s curse kicks in and whoa! They get a flat and end up carrying their bikes to the clue box, not exactly the swiftest way to go.
Frilly2 beats Romber in a close naval battle and zips off to the Roadblock at Camping Suizo, an outdoor grill with carcasses hanging all over the place where they learn that one of them must eat four pounds of tasty gourmet Argentinean Bar-B-Q to get their next clue. Included on the greasy wooden platter are cow rib, pork sausage, blood sausage, cow intestine, cow udder, an entire kidney and a part of a cow’s saliva gland. (“Throw anudder udder on the barbie.” Ooops, wrong country.) Alex gamely volunteers and begins the long munch as Rob arrives and starts to chew, lip curled, nose turned up. Eating challenges have never been his thing….Team Bro, Uchenna&Joyce, Relly, and Meredith and Gretch have arrived and started in when predictably Alex vomees on Uchenna’s shoe.
Rob, disgusted, doubts he’ll never make it through and he stares into space, his inner calculator whirring away computing the odds of a daring move . “What happens if I don’t finish?” he asks Amber. He quits the Roadblock, accepting the required four-hour penalty that begins when the next team arrives. Romber’s penalty clock starts ticking when Ray and Deana arrive at Camping Suizo. Not knowing what the Roadblock consists of, Deana volunteers for it, and before an hour is up, realizes that she cannot eat all that meat, making it easy for Rob to talk Reana into quitting and taking a four-hour penalty too. Amazing.
Uchenna, Ron, Alex, and Greg continue chomping away as Meredith and Gretch join Rob’s dropout gang, figuring it will be faster to take the penalty than to down that impossible pile of meat.
Meanwhile, Team Umbilical arrives at the Detour and paddles down (not up) the river without further mishap, and finally makes it to the Bar-B-Q, somehow managing to stop along the way to grab a barbecue sandwich to keep their strength up. LOL. With such instincts, are they destined for greatness in this race, or what? Their arrival at Camping Suizo starts the four-hour penalty clock for Reana and Meredith&Gretch.
Uchenna is the first to chow down the Bar-B-Q and he and Joyce race jubilantly for the Pit Stop at Estancia San Isidro, a ranch near the city of Mendoza, getting assistance from some fellow driving a government vehicle. Surprise, surprise, the gubmint worker is lousy at his job and takes them to the wrong destination, allowing Frilly2 to be the first team to arrive. Much to his credit, little Alex accomplished the long chew, and in good time. But much to the boys’ dismay, there is no prize awarded for being first on this lap of the race, no Tahitian cruise, no trip to Paris or Amsterdam…..meaning their honeymoon plans are still up in the air, if in fact they manage to “get married.”
Other teams begin to arrive at the Pit Stop, with Relly and Team Bro coming in together and later, Romber claiming fifth place. Phil marvels at Rob’s ability to get others to quit the race. “Sometimes I wonder how I do it myself,” modest Rob responds, keeping his laughter contained. (“If the good Lord hadn’t wanted them shorn, he wouldn’t have made them sheep” comes to mind. W.C. Fields?) But with no problem, the other dropout teams come in before the end, and are not eliminated.
But it ain’t over til it’s over and the race for last place heats up back at the barbie. Debianca arrived just as Romber left, getting a compliment from Rob who declared “she’ll finish, she’s tough,” as Debby started eating. Team Umbilical have by now been there awhile and Patrick has been picking at his din-din for hours and having hissy fits, out-dramaqueening his mom, threatening not to finish just to spite her (yes he said that), calling her “insensitive” when she urges him on. What happened to all his threats to take Romber down? He’s really, not in the same league as Frilly2, who are exhibiting true grit in spite of their tra-la-la schtick. In fact, Susan said earlier in the car that she wished Patrick would get a boyfriend, ostensibly to help him live his life. But with Debbie munching away at his side, he buckles down and gets through, leaving Debianca to come in last. Phil tells them that they are eliminated from the race. Sayonara!
1. Alex & Lynn
2. Uchenna and Joyce
3. Brian and Gregg
4. Ron and Kelly (half a second after Brian and Greg)
5. Rob and Amber
6. Ray and Deana
7. Meredith and Gretch
8. Susan and Patrick
9. Bianca and Debbie - Eliminated.
OK, the eight remaining teams are now near beautiful downtown Mendoza, Argentina up in the Andes near the Chilean border . Where will they go tonight? Buenos Aires would be a natural but TAR5 did the east coast of South America from Bariloche to Buenos Aires, Argentina and from Montevideo to Punta del Este, Uruguay. Seems it’s time to leave South America. There’s an international airport at Mendoza from whence they can fly to Tokyo or Sydney or almost anywhere else. Maybe a little samba in Brazil on their way to a different continent?
If you want on or off 
ping list, please FreepMail me.