I give this a few minutes at most before the first "OMFG U N00B, WTF R U DOING POSTING VANITY IN TEH NEWS/ACTIVISM!!1!! I WANT MY ADMIN MOMMY!!11!!1" post.
My boss (ex) being fired, two weeks after he hired me, for embezzlement. He eventually went to jail. Evidently stealing a couple of million dollars didn't go over to well.
OMFG U N00B, WTF R U DOING POSTING VANITY IN TEH NEWS/ACTIVISM!!1!! I WANT MY ADMIN MOMMY!!11!!1
Not more than 30 seconds later, the office was swarming with US Marshals, guns drawn.....oops....I hit the panic button, not the door button.
Felt stupid, but it is a great story....
In the mid-seventies, I was a bank teller. My girlfriend, now wife of 28 years, was coming to the bank so we could go out for lunch.
It was the first time my fellow employees would have the opportunity to meet my absoultely gorgeous (and she still is!) girlfriend.
At precisely 12:00 noon, she came through the door. I dutifully closed my cash drawer, locked it, and turned to greet her.
Unfortunately, when I closed the drawer, my end of my tie was still in it. You can guess the rest.
The head teller saw the whole thing happen. I was delayed a bit in leaving for lunch because I had to pick her up off the floor.
To this day, I have never seen/heard anyone laugh as much or as well as that head teller.
Love is a wonderful thing.
Pete's Wife's Husband
I once ran across someone's nameplate that read "THUC VU". Thankfully (s)he wasn't in the office, because I couldn't help but bust out laughing...
I worked at a large dept store in high school and we got a new manager. In his new house, he had caught a black widow, and brought it in a jar to show everybody (no idea why he thought the asst managers would want so see it). Anyway, I went into the back room and opened a box of mason jars and got an empty one and went up to his office and laid it open on the floor and took the real jar with the spider and hid it. It was pretty funny a couple of minutes later to hear him on the intercom calling an asst manager to his office immediately. One of the office workers had seen me do it, so a few minutes later, I got to hear my name being called over the intercom to head upstairs. Lucky for me, he had a sense of humor.
As I walked down the pier toward my ship, returning from overnight liberty, I watched an enlisted man sweeping the foredeck of our destroyer. He worked his way up to the bullnose and placed the end of his broom in his palm and launched it overboard as far as it would go.
Sex in the parking garage in the middle of the afternoon.
Next day, he hops in again. Asks me to notarize something else. I ask for his i.d. He kind of grimaces and says he forgot it at his apartment. I tell him I can't notarize anything without it. He starts going on about how much trouble it is to get to his apartment and back to our office without a car. I sympathize, but tell him again that I can't notarize anything without an i.d.
Exasperated, he finally says, "Lady, I was just in here the other day! C'mon! How many one-legged niggahs you have hoppin' through this place?"
I notarized his stuff.
Hope I didn't offend anyone; those were his words, not mine.
Hasn't happened yet. < |:(~
Almost every Friday starting at 8 am, time seems to stand still for 8 hours. Then after the 8 hour period ends, it accelerates for 48 hours. Weird.
1) Halloween '99 I was working at a pet store in a mall. The store owner stood at the front of the store handing out candy-while having a live 11ft albino burmese python wrapped around him. And you know, most of the kids didn't mind the snake at all, the snake sat quietly as they petted him and they got their candy.
2) Meeting the WWE wrestler known as the Undertaker at a Louisville KY Bigg's store I worked at in March 97. He was doing a promo for a WWE music CD. Working up the nerve to talk to him was hell (he's 6'10", weighs about 310lbs, heavily tattooed and looks like a Harley biker, which he is out of the ring...) but once I did I found he was a really nice guy. The WWE reps were sorely pissed cause they wanted him to sign only the CDs and he ended up signing everything handed to him.
The best story I can think of from my husband's service in the Navy would be a tossup between the whale that followed their submarine during a training underway (they nicknamed him Virus) or the time he watched a handful of his shipmates snort pixie sticks and the hilarity that ensued.
I had a college co-ed client that was an athlete and also very beautiful. One day she decided to bring her unneutered tomcat to the vet to get it neutered because he had been spraying her apartment. She left her house with the cat loose in her car wearing just short white shorts and a thin white T-shirt, no bra. Apparently, Tom got excited and jumped into her lap and urinated all over her shirt from her neck to her waist. She brought the cat into the exam room holding him by the scruff of the neck very upset. OK, here is a young college co-ed looking like someone competing in a wet T shirt contest smelling like a tomcat. Yikes. The situation could not have been more of a paradox. I took the cat and made a mental note of the situation as she left the room heading to her home.
I was a ski lift operator on a double chair lift. In order to keep the lines to a minimum, we were required to send two riders up in every chair. A nice looking single young gentleman skier was standing off to the side waiting for another single rider so he could pair up. Just then an attractive female rider (slightly older) skied up to the front of the line.
He: "Are you single"
She: "No, but I AM separated"
Well, in the early 1970's I worked For Reynolds Metals Company, as a secretary in their Extrusion division (California). Our office was attached to the factory where all the huge ovens were used in the extrusion process. In the office, we had this guy who was about mid 40ish, an accountant, a know-it-all, and a snob to boot. He loved to eat and every morning one of the foreman would usually bring him something really tasty from home. So one morning, Charlie (the foreman) comes running in all fired up and Yells at this guy to come quick. And bring his knife and fork with him as they had a great breakfast snack out on the floor. Like an idiot, the accountant grabs napkins, his fork and knife and took off running to the back of the plant for "breakfast". About 1 minute later, he smashed back into the office with a snarl on his face (which was truly beet red) and the rest of the guys off the floor followed him in and they were laughing so hard, they could barely stand up. Seems a cat wondered into one of the ovens and got itself cooked when the aluminum was put in (poor little thing). And that was the accountant's "great breakfast treat". After 25 years I can still see his face and it still makes me laugh. Boy, he deserved it..... :)
And I had a very nonchalant conversation with him about how he caught the squirrel and what he was going to do with the squirrel until his friend returned and they left.
I used to work as a pool boy for a large estate. One day, while the owner was out of town on business, his wife calls me into the house.
Oh, wait, this was my letter to Penthouse. Never mind!
This is one that came to me second hand. One guy would buy lottery tickets, leave them in his desk overnight,
then check the paper for the numbers the next day. His co-workers decided to pull a prank, and bought a ticket for the next drawing using the previous night's winners and substituted those for his. He comes in, sees the matching numbers, screams, tells his co-workers to get f*****, then goes directly to his boss and quits!
He was considerably more subdued when he had to return and beg for his old job.