MOVE! I see "help wanted" signs all over Seattle. Maybe you can get in your car and go to where the jobs are. I also suggest that when you do get a job you 1. save at least a portion of your income. and 2. take some classes at the local community college and work for your degree. That way, you can get out of the minimum wage rut.
He's lying about having 3 years of college. No way he got past the 4th year of special ed unless he's lying about getting fired at MacDonalds.