A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do a seven-day experiment. They would each go into the woods, find a bear, and preach to it.
A week later, they're all together to discuss the experience. Father O'Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various
bandages, goes first. "Well," he says, in a fine Irish brogue, 'Ey wint oot into th' woods to find me a bear. Oond when Ey fund him Ey began to
read to him from the Baltimore Catechism. Well, that bear wanted naught to do with' me and begun to slap me aboot. So I quick grabbed me holy water and, THE SAINTS BE PRAISED, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is cooming oot next wik to give him fierst communion und confierrmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he
proclaimed, "WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle... WE DUNK! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to him from G~d's HOOOOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. I SAY NO!
He wanted NOTHING to do with me. So I took HOOOLD of him and we began to rassle. We rassled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we come to a crick. So I quick DUNK him and BAPTIZE his hairy soul. An'
jus like you sez, he wuz gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the week in fellowship, feasting on G~d's HOOOOLY word."
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying in a hospital bed. He's in a body cast and traction, with IV's and monitors running in and
out of him.
The rabbi looks up and says, "Oy! Preaching to the bear was easy, but he got a bit touchy about the circumcision."
*************
I'll bet! LOL!!
Well, the Preacher, he went out walkin'
'Twas on a Sunday morn.
Of course, was again' his religion,
But he took his gun along.
He shot himself some mighty fine quail
And one little measly hare.
And on his way returnin' home he met
A great big grizzly bear.
The bear sat down in the middle of the road
As mean as he could be.
The Preacher, he started shakin'
And he climbed up a cinnamon tree.
The bear stood up and he rolled his eyes
And he shook his ugly head.
The Preacher looked up to the skies
And these were the words he said.
Refrain:
Oh, Lord, You delivered Daniel from the lion's den.
Delivered Jonah from the belly of the whale and then,
The Hebrew Children from the fiery furnace
So the Good Book do declare.
Well, Lord, Lord, if you can't help me.
For goodness sake don't you help that bear.!
The bear began to climb the tree
And that made the Preacher sore.
The Preacher, he climbed up higher
'Till he couldn't climb no more.
Just about then that limb gave 'way
And they both came a tumblin' down.
And when the Preacher began to pray
You could hear him from miles around.
Repeat Refrain
Well, they fought all the way down to the river
And it was a terrible sight!
The bear was really layin' it out
but the Preacher, he was doin' all right.
He dragged that beast right into the water
It was three times, in and out.
The bear got up and he limped away
And the Preacher began to shout.
Oh, Lord, You delivered Daniel from the lion's den.
Delivered Jonah from the belly of the whale and then ...
Now, Lord, it may not seem like much
From where you sit up there.
But the hardest job I ever done was
Baptizin' that bear.
Shalom.