*** OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD ***

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61 posted on 01/28/2005 9:22:46 AM PST by YouPosting2Me

A man, his wife, and mother-in-law went on vacation to Jerusalem.

While they were there the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only
$150.

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one.

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozey to explain the bandage on the top of my head.

The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who
discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter--and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.

"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"

62 posted on 01/28/2005 9:24:06 AM PST by lilylangtree (Veni, Vidi, Vici)

To: YouPosting2Me

I'll second that! Hurrah!

63 posted on 01/28/2005 9:24:57 AM PST by stainlessbanner (Don't mess with old guys wearing overhauls.)

To: YouPosting2Me

*sigh* I don't do binary.

64 posted on 01/28/2005 9:25:15 AM PST by annyokie (If the shoe fits, put 'em both on!)

To: lilylangtree

Ted Kennedy walks into a bar and asks for a drink...

what... that's it... no joke... just the facts ma'am.

65 posted on 01/28/2005 9:26:22 AM PST by YouPosting2Me

66 posted on 01/28/2005 9:26:38 AM PST by Dallas59 (Bush said the "F" word 27 times January 20th, 2005!)

To: YouPosting2Me

A blonde walks into a bar and says "Ouch!"

67 posted on 01/28/2005 9:27:52 AM PST by annyokie (If the shoe fits, put 'em both on!)

To: cripplecreek

My whole shop crew was laughing when I sent that link to the clerk. We were having a quick meeting, and he happened to click on the link......

68 posted on 01/28/2005 9:27:52 AM PST by Arrowhead1952 (.drawkcab si enilgat yM !!PLEH)

69 posted on 01/28/2005 9:28:11 AM PST by atomicpossum (I am the Cat that walks by himself, and all places are alike to me.)

To: martin_fierro

70 posted on 01/28/2005 9:28:51 AM PST by Ellesu

To: atomicpossum

71 posted on 01/28/2005 9:29:43 AM PST by Dallas59 (Bush said the "F" word 27 times January 20th, 2005!)

Binary Translator, you phreaky thang.

72 posted on 01/28/2005 9:30:42 AM PST by martin_fierro (I just like saying, "Rancho Cucamunga")

73 posted on 01/28/2005 9:31:23 AM PST by Dallas59 (Bush said the "F" word 27 times January 20th, 2005!)

74 posted on 01/28/2005 9:33:23 AM PST by Dallas59 (Bush said the "F" word 27 times January 20th, 2005!)

To: martin_fierro

You so phreakay! Thanks!

75 posted on 01/28/2005 9:34:14 AM PST by annyokie (If the shoe fits, put 'em both on!)

76 posted on 01/28/2005 9:36:35 AM PST by Ellesu

Do Republicans, particularly those who consider themselves conservatives, care about the war on socialism anymore?

77 posted on 01/28/2005 9:37:05 AM PST by k2blader (It is neither compassionate nor conservative to support the expansion of socialism.)

78 posted on 01/28/2005 9:37:08 AM PST by Dallas59 (Bush said the "F" word 27 times January 20th, 2005!)

79 posted on 01/28/2005 9:41:31 AM PST by Dallas59 (Bush said the "F" word 27 times January 20th, 2005!)

80 posted on 01/28/2005 9:42:19 AM PST by beachn4fun (Ah, what was I going to say?)

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