Dimensional Door - Freeople Thread 21

Today | Me

[null and void]

Yes. For him.

[Woliff]

Lol......I think I need to see an optician. I knew my glasses needed replacing. Blind and Deef too.

[sweetliberty]

Uh-oh.

Well, I hope things go better today. I better go to work.

*Smooch*

[null and void]

The Guy Code

This is it. So it has been written, so it shall be....The CODE:

1. Thou shall not rent the movie "Chocolat"

2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call BVLLSH!T. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)

7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.

8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a woman, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

9. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.

11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

12. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return is required to grant it.

13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem --- you didn't see nothin'.

15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

17. Your girlfriend must bond with your buddy's girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them. You are not required to make nice with her gal pal's significant dick-heads --- low-level sports bonding is all the law requires.

18. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

19. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiny friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time prepare excuses about joining
the priesthood.

20. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and its delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.

21. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

22. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

23. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good @ss-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.

24. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting:
"Yeah, baby, push it!"
"C'mon, give me one more! Harder!"
"Another set and we can hit the showers."
"Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"

25. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

26. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.

27. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response.

28. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.

29. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay.

30. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "FVCK OFF!" You are absolved of your responsibility.

31. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just friends" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

[ValerieUSA]

I stole that one for e-mail ... your posts are a good source for annoying e-mails to send out to dozens of people who never express any appreciation -- but I like them.

[null and void]

Fair enough. That's where I get 'em...

[Woliff]

Not to worry Nully.

Just in case you ever get the two mixed up, this should make things a bit clearer:

IN PRISON... you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK... you spend the majority of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.

IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK...you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON...you get your own toilet.
AT WORK...you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.

IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK...you can't even speak to your family.

IN PRISON...the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required.
AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON...you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON...you must deal with mean wardens.
AT WORK...they are called managers

[westmex]

[sweetliberty]

That's a great picture. I've come to the conclusion that my monitor at home sucks. This one is a piece of crap too, but the pictures look better on it.

[restornu]

Our resident artist G9 is in good company!

[Darksheare]

Cool, horse with fangs!

[Woliff]

I see one of grannie´s dragons too.

[ValerieUSA]

I got a great new 40 GB hard drive in my computer now ... but no operating system yet. A friend will load WinXP for me tomorrow afternoon, so I'm back at the library.
He found a 20 GB hard drive for $68 online, but I called a Discount Electronics shop in town, and they had a 40GB HD for $69 - no shipping and handling fees added to it, and they installed it free. Not bad.

[operation clinton cleanup]

Hi Valerie! I finally found my cordless mouse under the couch cushion... now I can post again! Saw something from you on yahoo IM on my BlackBerry, but had to cut it off seeing how it was company bandwidth.

Hope all is well with you and the G-Men.

OCC

[restornu]

Can't resist a kitty photo!

[Woliff]

Congragulation Val. I hope you can rescue some of your stuff from the old one.

[Conservababe]

WE HAD TO PUT OUR CC CAT DOWN YESTERDAY MORNING. WEDNESDAY NIGHT HE THREW ANOTHER BLOOD CLOT AND IT PARALYSED BOTH HIS HIND LEGS. LORD ONLY KNOWS HOW HE MANAGED TO PULL HIMSELF UP TO THE DOOR FROM THE WOODS.

HE WAS NINE YEARS OLD AND ACTED MORE LIKE A PUPPY THAN A CAT, IN THE ATTENTION HE DEMANDED. I BAWLED AND SQUALLED ALL DAY. LIKE YOU, WHEN YOU LOST YOUR CAT, I EXPECT TO SEE HIM IN HIS FAVORITE PLACES.

IS IT STRANGE OF ME TO ALREADY BE THINKING OF GETTING ANOTHER KITTEN? I FEEL I JUST NEED ANOTHER CRITTER HERE RUNNING AROUND.

[Servant of the 9]

Cool, horse with fangs!

They all have them, they just hide them until they get close enough to sink them in your shoulder..

So9

[Darksheare]

LOL!

Ah yes, the wolf teeth that need to be clipped before you can use a bit and bridle on them.

[Servant of the 9]

WE HAD TO PUT OUR CC CAT DOWN YESTERDAY MORNING.

Sorry about your cat, I know how hard it is losing a pet, but you did the right thing.

Why does everyone objsct to granting the same blessed relief to Terri Schiavo?

SO9