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*** OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD ***

Posted on 01/14/2005 9:22:46 AM PST by TheBigB

Woo hoo! TGIF! Time for the official FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD! As always, feel free to post funny pics, jokes, nonsensical statements, or even to IGNORE THIS THREAD! Also, don't hesitate to ping your own lists! All are welcome!

To kick things off...

Yes, this really exists...

What are/were your favorite Saturday morning cartoons? :-)


TOPICS:
KEYWORDS:
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To: shield

No, No, No! I meant the 59 mil that voted for Kerry. 61 or 62 mil voted for W.


201 posted on 01/14/2005 10:57:14 AM PST by Fog Nozzle (Was -29.7 F; -34.3 C, now marked up to -14.4 F; -25.8 C)
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To: bert

darn just when my ship came in they left the load in the water


202 posted on 01/14/2005 10:57:14 AM PST by handy old one (Never confuse the facts with the issues!!)
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To: peacebaby

The very first one had 600+ posts.


203 posted on 01/14/2005 10:59:44 AM PST by TheBigB (Life is good. It'd be better if Jaime Pressly was here naked with a pizza. But it's still damn good)
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To: TheBigB

this swf is way cool...........bit of a long load but worth it:
http://www.media.ebaumsworld.com/supercoolpic.swf


204 posted on 01/14/2005 10:59:50 AM PST by Zacs Mom (Proud wife of a Marine!)
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To: TheBigB

Subj: HOW TO WRITE GOOD

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
3. Employ the vernacular.
4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
6. Remember to never split an infinitive.
7. Contractions aren't necessary.
8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
9. One should never generalize.
10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
12. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
13. Be more or less specific.
14. Understatement is always best.
15. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
17. The passive voice is to be avoided.
18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
20. Who needs rhetorical questions?
21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
22. Don't never use a double negation.
23. capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with a point
24. Do not put statements in the negative form.
25. Verbs have to agree with their subjects.
26. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
27. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
28. A writer must not shift your point of view.
29. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)
30. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!
31. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
32. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
33. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
34. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
35. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
36. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
37. Always pick on the correct idiom.
38. The adverb always follows the verb.
39. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; They're old hat; seek viable alternatives.


205 posted on 01/14/2005 11:05:38 AM PST by dfwright
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To: TheBigB
ADULT HUMOR

Concentration test for hetrosexual men

Warning ... graphic!!

Not for the kiddies.

206 posted on 01/14/2005 11:07:05 AM PST by G.Mason (A war mongering, UN hating, military industrial complex loving, Al Qaeda incinerating American.)
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To: dfwright

Suicide, Accident or Homicide?

For those of you who were unable to attend the Awards Dinner during the Annual Meeting in San Diego, you missed a tall tale on complex forensics presented by AAFS President Don Harper Mills in his opening remarks. The following is a recount of Dr. Mills' story...

"On March 23 the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a gunshot wound of the head caused by a shotgun. Investigation to that point had revealed that the decedent had jumped from the top of a ten story building with the intent to commit suicide (he left a note indicating his despondency). As he passed the 9th floor on the way down, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast through a window, killing him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the decedent was aware that a safety net had been erected at the 8th floor level to protect some window washers and that the decedent would not have been able to complete his intent to commit suicide because of this.

Ordinarily, a person who starts into motion the events with a suicide intent ultimately commits suicide even though the mechanism might be not what he intended. That he was shot on the way to certain death nine stories below probably would not change his mode of death from suicide to homicide. But the fact that his suicide intent would not have been achieved under any circumstance caused the medical examiner to feel that he had homicide on his hands.

Further investigation led to the discovery that the room on the 9th floor from whence the shotgun blast emanated was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. He was threatening her with the shotgun because of an interspousal spat and became so upset that he could not hold the shotgun straight. Therefore, when he pulled the trigger, he completely missed his wife and the pellets went through the window striking the decedent.

When one intends to kill subject A, but kills subject B in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject B. The old man was confronted with this conclusion, but both he and his wife were adamant in stating that neither knew that the shotgun was loaded. It was the longtime habit of the old man to threaten his wife with an unloaded shotgun. He had no intent to murder her; therefore, the killing of the decedent appeared then to be accident. That is, the gun had been accidentally loaded.

But *further* investigation turned up a witness that their son was seen loading the shotgun approximately six weeks prior to the fatal accident. That investigation showed that the mother (the old lady) had cut off her son's financial support and her son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that the father would shoot his mother. The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.

Further investigation revealed that the son became increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to get his mother murdered. This led him to jump off the ten story building on March 23, only to be killed by a shotgun blast through a 9th story window.

The medical examiner closed the case as a suicide."

Thanks to Gwen Eckman


207 posted on 01/14/2005 11:09:04 AM PST by dfwright
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To: TheBigB
OK, here's three jokes:

1. After growling at the orderly, the general opened his mouth to accept the thermometer. "Sorry, General, but for this test we need your temperature from the other end." A whole new barrage of verbal abuse followed, but the orderly was insistent that a rectal temperature was what the test called for. The general at last rolled over, bared his rear, and allowed the orderly to proceed. The orderly then told the general, "Stay exactly like that and don't move. I'll be back in five minutes to check up on you" and withdrew.

An hour later, the head nurse entered the room, saw the general with his bare rear in the air and gasped, "What's going on here?" "Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" the general barked. "Yes I have, General, but with a daffodil?"After growling at the orderly, the general opened his mouth to accept the thermometer. "Sorry, General, but for this test we need your temperature from the other end." A whole new barrage of verbal abuse followed, but the orderly was insistent that a rectal temperature was what the test called for. The general at last rolled over, bared his rear, and allowed the orderly to proceed. The orderly then told the general, "Stay exactly like that and don't move. I'll be back in five minutes to check up on you" and withdrew.

An hour later, the head nurse entered the room, saw the general with his bare rear in the air and gasped, "What's going on here?" "Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" the general barked. "Yes I have, General, but with a daffodil?"

2. A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Baby, pack up your things! I just won the lottery!" She replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?" The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"

3. A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.

In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... let's pretend we're married." "Why not," giggles the woman."Good," he replies. "Get your own stinkin' blanket."

208 posted on 01/14/2005 11:10:19 AM PST by Reaganesque
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To: dfwright

The office is gonna love these!


209 posted on 01/14/2005 11:14:01 AM PST by peacebaby (smoked and inhaled)
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To: peacebaby
The office is gonna love these!

*smile* Ours did too. enjoy!

210 posted on 01/14/2005 11:23:55 AM PST by dfwright
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To: TheBigB; Conspiracy Guy


211 posted on 01/14/2005 11:24:42 AM PST by MeekOneGOP (There is only one GOOD 'RAT: one that has been voted OUT of POWER !! Straight ticket GOP!)
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To: dfwgator
"What's another word for Thesaurus?"

Synonymicon

212 posted on 01/14/2005 11:25:50 AM PST by El Gran Salseron ( The replies by this poster are meant for self-amusement only. Read at your own risk. :-))
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To: TheBigB
I was confused for a moment while reading the thread from the Jungo-Freudian, Adlerite turd burglar from Atlanta...I thought that was the silliness thread.
213 posted on 01/14/2005 11:36:49 AM PST by Petronski (Alles klar, Herr Kommissar?)
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To: cyborg

214 posted on 01/14/2005 11:44:49 AM PST by Petronski (Alles klar, Herr Kommissar?)
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To: G.Mason

After five tries, I gave up.

(I'll try some more later.)


215 posted on 01/14/2005 11:45:42 AM PST by Tarpaulin (Look it up.)
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To: peacebaby
How can you tell if your birthday cake is a male or a female?

I don't know. How can you tell if your birthday cake is a male or a female?

Shalom.

216 posted on 01/14/2005 11:47:34 AM PST by ArGee (After 517, the abolition of man is complete)
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To: wolf24

Silly Bump...I know you're a big fan, so pay special attention to post #25... #47 caught me by surprise as well.


217 posted on 01/14/2005 11:51:29 AM PST by PeaceThroughSuperiorFirepower
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To: Tarpaulin
"After five tries, I gave up.

(I'll try some more later.)"

Hee ... hee

Thought for sure I'd get zotted for that. ;)

218 posted on 01/14/2005 11:52:43 AM PST by G.Mason (Have you any last words Mr. Rather? ... No? ... You may place the hood on him now, executioner.)
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To: Petronski

LOL!


219 posted on 01/14/2005 11:52:43 AM PST by cyborg (http://mentalmumblings.blogspot.com/)
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To: wolf24

Too funny not to bump - BUMP... Post #104


220 posted on 01/14/2005 11:53:34 AM PST by PeaceThroughSuperiorFirepower
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