Replies

Here you go:

You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As we say in Texas, I'll bet you couldn't pour p!ss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon. You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done. I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell? Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly. You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake? You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper. On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill. You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away. I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh. The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of what you wrote, because, well... it didn't really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative post was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.

This is a handy site to use for creating scathing letters:

http://www.pakin.org/complaint/ For example:

Friends, countrymen, people who hate Ms. NatalieinCanada, lend me your ears; I come to bury NatalieinCanada, not to praise her. But first, let me pose you a question: Is NatalieinCanada actually concerned about any of us, or does she just want to cultivate an unhealthy sense of victimhood? After reading this letter, you'll sincerely find it's the latter. As that last sentence suggests, the pressures and stresses that her habitués, who are legion, undergo lead them to cause one-sided rejoinders to be entered into historical fact. NatalieinCanada's grunts probably don't realize that, because it's not mentioned in the funny papers or in the movies. Nevertheless, she would like to see all of our individual liberties digest in the bowels of an all-powerful State. I don't think anyone questions that. But did you know that she is a myth-generating machine? We must also assert with all the sincerity of informed experience and the desperate desire to see our beloved country survive that I welcome NatalieinCanada's comments. However, NatalieinCanada needs to realize that her plaints are based on hate. Hate, conformism, and an intolerance of another viewpoint, another way of life. What so many people find difficult to grasp is that by refusing to act, by refusing to deal with her appropriately, we are giving her the power to foster obstructionism at every opportunity. I mean, I find that I am embarrassed. Embarrassed that some people just don't realize that I need your help if I'm ever to tell you things that NatalieinCanada doesn't want you to know. "But I'm only one person," you might protest. "What difference can I make?" The answer is: a lot more than you think. You see, NatalieinCanada is the type of person that turns up her nose at people like you and me. I guess that's because we haven't the faintest notion about the things that really matter, such as why it would be good for her to impale us on the pike of isolationism.
Essentially, if we can understand what has caused the current plague of disorganized, brainless trolls, I believe that we can then nourish children with good morals and self-esteem. The point at which you discover that NatalieinCanada exhibits signs of arrested development is not only a moment of disenchantment. It is a moment of resolve, a determination that I, for one, want to unify our community. NatalieinCanada, in contrast, wants to drive divisive ideological wedges through it. We must set the stage so that my next letter will begin from a new and much higher level of influence. Those who claim otherwise do so only to justify their own reprehensible ebullitions. In closing, all that I ask is that you join me to stop Ms. NatalieinCanada and tell NatalieinCanada what we all think of her -- and boy, do I have some choice words I'd like to use.

You can make them much, much longer....