Replies

Al Bundy comes home from work.

AL I'm home, everybody! [no response] Hahaha. No thank you, I don't need anything. [he sits on the couch with a sigh] Buck! Come here, boy!

Buck, at the fridge, is now the size of a normal man. He's wearing a tank top and boxer shorts. He retrieves a beer from the fridge, then sits next to Al.

AL Hey, that looks good. Got one for me?

Buck gives Al a look.

AL Still mad at me 'cause I got you neutered?

BUCK Whadaya want me to dance for joy? Bring you a pipe and slippers? Roll over so you can rub my belly and see my shame?

AL You know, I thought you were supposed to be more affectionate?

BUCK Yeah, right. Why don't you poke my eyes out? Maybe that'd do it?

A dog is heard barking somewhere outside.

BUCK Yeah, not this year, honey!

AL Oh, come on, Buck. You can't just sit around feeling sorry for yourself. Hey, whadaya say we go for a walk? I hear they painted the big hydrant at the end of the corner.

BUCK Nah. I hear a lot of the MALE dogs hang out there.

AL Alright, let's clear the air here. This was for your own good.

BUCK Oh, thank you, Master! You know, my head is a great source of pleasure to me too, how 'bout cutting that off?

AL Come on, Buck! Don't you think I feel bad enough?

BUCK No.

AL Well, what can I do to make it up to ya? I know! How 'bout a shiny new collar?

BUCK [with even more sarcasm] Oh, yeah! That's much better than what I had before! Gee, how 'bout one with studs? You know, to impress the ladies? That is before they find out I'M A EUNUCH!

AL [patting him] Come on, boy...

BUCK [getting up] keep your hands off me.

AL Getting a little testy, aren't you, boy?

Buck turns around and glares at Al, growling.

BUCK Well, Bundy, I guess you're pretty darn proud of yourself, huh?

AL Oh, come on, Buck, I tried to stop this.

BUCK You might have tried a little harder!

AL Well, I know! Why don't we do something to get your mind off it? Hey, [picking up the remote] you wanna watch the Bears game?

BUCK Oh, I don't know. I'm not much into sports anymore. How about taking me to a Peter Allen concert?

Al cringes.

AL Ahh! What have I done!? Oh, Buck, I didn't want this to happen.

BUCK I know you didn't, Bundy. And that, that's what makes it even harder to swallow. Ah, what's the difference? I'm sick of the sight of ya.

Buck starts towards the door.

AL Where are you going?

BUCK Oh, I guess I'll go out and sniff a few butts for old time's sake.