Posted on 12/20/2004 6:41:03 AM PST by kerouacbal
I am 26 years old and have been married for 2 years. I am having trouble growing up and I am driving my wife nuts. It has gotten to the point that my wife talks about divorce almost every day. I want to work this out more then I every wanted anything but I can't seem to do it or do it quick enough. I can't seem to remember consistently to do every day things like take out the garbage make sure all the doors are locked and the heat is off at night (there is a lot more but won't get into it all). I am posting this here to try to get some advise on how to help my self grow up and start to take care of my wife and son better like a husband should. My parents are dead and I don't have a close family member or friend to get advise from. Could someone please help me.
Sounds like ADD to me too.
Especially some of what this guy is dishing out.
"The spouse" or "The boss" batters you day after day with orders, complaints, threats, you must constantly strive to live up to those expectations in each and every way...the wife is "micromanaging" you in that she's keeping a tally of every bad thing you do and you are constantly made aware that you're not measuring up.
Do you see my point? You are a kicked dog, and at a certain point, your mind is unable to process all of the demands and expectations of this unreasonable person, who is telling you it's her way or the highway. No wonder you begin to make mistakes! You are breaking down as a human being!
So the question is, does your wife really want to be married? Is it worth remaining with this woman who is kicking you like a dog? (By the way, I'm female.)
Marriage counseling would help, but also personal counseling for you. You need someone who can help you see the good in yourself. Many churches have a free counseling program called "The Stephen Ministry" where lay people are trained to give counseling, men counsel men, women counsel women.
And since you are only age 26, you have to remember that you have a long life ahead of you, please God, and you are still "in development". Good luck and God bless you! Don't give up, and don't be too hard on yourself! Stop kicking yourself!
Fascinating. Thanks.
I doubt you are the entire problem, women can nitpick a man to death because that's how they get power. Sounds to me like you are already considerate enough, just by the fact you wrote this incredible cry for help. Sometimes the only way to get a woman back is to let her go. Relax a little bit, sounds like the tension is thick enough to cut.
I think you should be man enough to tell her: "I'm doing the best I can and I hope to get better through time, that's the most any man can promise. If you think it is easy to find a man who cares as much as I do, don't let the door hit you on your fat butt on the way out."
Listen pal, you said you have an above average job, making more money than most people your age.
Your wife "stays home and takes care of the kid."
There is absolutely NO reason there should be ANY chores to do when you get home from work if she's been in the house all day.
Ignore EVERYTHING she says when she nags you about the garbage and leaving socks on the floor. She doesn't have a leg to stand on. You work full time to pay the bills. She's a babysitter.
But, more than likely, your wife is going to divorce you, she's probably had a lawyer for 2 or 3 months. Get a lawyer, ASAP.
Listen to what your wife wants.
Sit down and draw up a list of things you need to do everyday. Type it up in a computer and put it in your pocket or wallet.
Do the same with her.
And put the Lord first, always and your son second.
It is a feminist plot to control boys who won't listen with medication.
..Does your wife have any desire to make this marriage work?
If so, she needs to read...."How To Be the Wife of a Happy Husband"
that should be..."You Can Be the Wife of a Happy Husband"....by Darien B.Cooper.
I read it years ago, and took it to heart!
1. Start writing lists.
2. Quit putting yourself first.
If the son sees the father putting the wife's needs and desires before those of the son, he will be far more likely to treat his own wife well when the time comes that he will be married himself. The most essential thing for children is that they be raised within intact families. The wife must be first among the merely human relationships a husband has.
Sounds to me like she's giing him the cry for help last chance call.
We've really, come to think of it, only heard ONE SIDE OF THE STORY here.
The poster may be sincere and telling us all. Then again, possibly not. Maybe there is something left out for convenience sake that would have caused most wives to have left ages ago. I can't offer any true advice as I don't have the whole picture.
I must say, though, this thread sure is a combination of seriousness, jokes, spirituality and crass securalism...all rolled into one. FR is great!
Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?
Personally, whenever I post threads revealing intimate details about my personal life and asking for advice about it, I'd prefer it if everyone just keep their opinions to themselves.
Marriage requires commitment from both of you. If she is talking divorce and won't go to counseling, she may have already quit on you. If that's the case, there is precious little you can do but get a good attorney. In fact, since she keeps bringing it up, she may just be using the threat to beat you over the head.
My recommendation, having been through a divorce myself, would be to hire an attorney, have the divorce papers drawn up, then take them to her to sign. Tell her you love her and will do anything you can to save the marriage. You hope she will go to counseling with you, but if not, here's the divorce. You'll find out really quickly if she's serious about divorce or will change her mind about counseling to save the marriage. Either way, you'll know the truth. As much as it may hurt, it's better to know for sure.
If you are willing to work at the marriage, go to counseling, etc. to save it, but she is not willing to work, then the marriage will fail. One spouse working on the marriage will never carry it alone.
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