I know I was certainly powerless over alcohol. No matter how bad the drinking got I always went back. No matter how many times I tried to stop/quit/slow down/not drink for a week/ not drink today I always went back. It wasn't until I accepted the idea that I was powerless over alcohol could I begin to let go of it. Because of alcohol's control over me I could not see the steps I needed to break that control.
It's kind of like quicksand. The more you struggle the more you sink. When you let yourself relax you can stop sinking and gradually come out of it.
It is a humbling concept. One that takes some time to accept. When I did, though, the sense of freedom was immeasurable. I felt as though reborn - with all the capabilities of a child. I had to learn to live without alcohol. I had to learn to deal with others without alcohol. I had to learn to love without alcohol. Not easy tasks but one made all the more easy with help from those that have been there and more often than not, knew what I was going to do and say before I did.
From your previous post.
THat is why this year I vowed to not drink untill after new years. I made this decision about a week ago. It seems quite a coincidence that I would see your post just now.
Only you can judge if you are an alcoholic. You may not be. If, however, you identify with 'robfromga' and others on this thread who have admitted to being alcoholics, than it's time to pay attention.
God bless you and keep you safe during the holiday season.
Ray
bump