Actually, there's more... much more...
Abe Lincoln was not only gay, he was also heterosexual, which is even worse than gay.
Abe Lincoln regularly beat baby seals to death with their own shoes.
Abe Lincoln would regularly pull sapling white pines out by the root as he feared their presence.
Abe Lincoln compared his skin color with others by (some say uncomfortably) glancing at the "backs of hands". If the color was not identical, he would declare, "Well that's nice" a tip phrase to his secret service to make that guy disappear.
Abe Lincoln hated vegtables.
Abe Lincoln would buy expensive pieces of art for the white house so he could burn them before retiring for the evening.
Abe Lincoln was secretly in love with Marx.
...since we're rewriting history
A baby seal walks into bar.
LOL, Great one!
Kim Jong-Il is actually a just a reincarnated Napoleon, only, you know... Korean.
Churchill dispensed rabid badgers in burlap sacks to Brit paratroopers. "When you find them sleeping in their foxholes, lads, drop a one of these furious rabid badgers into their pants. Then and only then may you go forth with your mission. It's all about taking the mickey, boys."
Stalin's Gulags were actually really fun, full of ice-cream and cotton candy shops, and everyone that said otherwise is playing a really funny inside joke on all of us.
Wow, rewriting history is fun :D
You left out porking the slaves, too.
Your humor is well taken, however I should note that you inadvertently stumbled onto a historical curiosity with that one. Don't mistake me - I don't believe that Lincoln was ever secretly in love with Marx and as far as I know the only time the two ever directly encountered each other was when Lincoln's ambassador to England sent Marx a thank you note on Lincoln's behalf after Marx had written Lincoln to congratulate him over his reelection.
Reverse the names in your comment, however, and you are onto something. Karl Marx had a very bizarre fondness for the person of Abe Lincoln and, despite living an ocean away, seized onto Lincoln in 1861 as one of the president's earliest European fans and wrote hundreds of pages worth of editorials, letters, and political notes about the U.S. president. They are loaded with gushy flowery language of praise and adoration - the type that Marx reserved only for his beloved proletariat.