What Kerry should have said... (from a dim Email)

"My fellow Americans, the people of this nation have spoken, and spoken with a clear voice. So I am here to offer my concession.

I concede that I overestimated the intelligence of the American people. Though the people disagree with the President on almost every issue, you saw fit to vote for him. I never saw that coming. That's really special. And I mean "special" in the sense that we use it to describe those kids who ride the short school bus and find ways to injure themselves while eating pudding with rubber spoons. That kind of special.

I concede that I misjudged the power of hate. That's pretty powerful stuff, and I didn't see it. So let me take a moment to congratulate the President's strategists: Putting the gay marriage amendments on the ballot in various swing states like Ohio... well, that was just genius.

Genius. It got people, a certain kind of people, to the polls. The unprecedented number of folks who showed up and cited "moral values" as their biggest issue, those people changed history. The folks who consider same sex marriage a more important issue than war, or terrorism, or the economy... Who'd have thought the election would belong to them? Well, Karl Rove did. Gotta give it up to him for that.

I concede that I put too much faith in America's youth With 8 out of 10 of you opposing the President, with your friends and classmates dying daily in a war you disapprove of, with your future being mortgaged to pay for rich old peoples' tax breaks, you somehow managed to sit on your asses and watch the Cartoon Network while aging homophobic hillbillies

carried the day. You voted with the exact same anemic percentage that you did in 2000. You suck. Seriously, y'do.

There are some who would say that I sound bitter, that now is the time for healing, to bring the nation together. Let me tell you a little story. Last night, I watched the returns come in with some friends. As the night progressed, people began to talk half-seriously about secession, a red state / blue state split. The reasoning was this: We in blue states produce the vast majority of the wealth in this country and pay the most taxes, and you in the red states receive the majority of the money from those taxes while complaining about 'em. We in the blue states are the only ones who've been attacked by foreign terrorists, yet you in the red states are gung ho to fight a war in our name. We in the blue states produce the entertainment that you consume so greedily each day, while you in the red states show open disdain for us and our values. Blue state civilians are the actual victims and targets of the war on terror, while red state civilians are the ones standing behind us and yelling "Oh, yeah!? Bring it on!"

More than 40% of you Bush voters still believe that Saddam Hussein had something to do with 9/11. I'm impressed by that, truly I am. Your sons and daughters who might die in this war know it's not true, the people in the urban centers where al Qaeda wants to attack know it's not true, but those of you who are at practically no risk believe this easy lie because you can. As part of my concession speech, let me say that I really envy that luxury. I concede that.

Healing? We, the people at risk from terrorists, the people who subsidize you, the people who speak in glowing and respectful terms about the heartland of America while that heartland insults and excoriates us... we wanted some healing. We spoke loud and clear. And you refused to give it to us, largely because of your high moral values.

You knew better: America doesn't need its allies, doesn't need to share the burden, doesn't need to unite the world, doesn't need to provide for its future. Hell no. Not when it's got a human shield of pointy-headed, atheistic, unconfrontational breadwinners who are willing to pay the bills and play nice in the vain hope of winning a vote that we can never have. Because we're "morally inferior," I suppose, we are supposed to respect your values while you insult ours. And the big joke here is that for 20 years, we've done just that.

As well as conceding the election today, I am also announcing my candidacy for president in 2008. And I make this pledge to you today: THIS time, next time, there will be no pandering. This time I will run with all the open and joking contempt for my opponents that our President demonstrated towards the cradle of liberty, the Ivy League intellectuals, the "media elite," and the "white-wine sippers." This time I will not pretend that the simple folk of America know just as much as the people who devote their lives to serving and studying the nation and the world. They don't.

So that's why I'm asking for your vote in 2008, America. I'm talking to you, you ignorant, slack-jawed yokels, you bible-thumping, inbred drones, you redneck, racist, chest-thumping, perennially duped grade-school grads. Vote for me, because I know better, and I truly believe that I can help your smug, sorry asses. Thank you, and may God, if he does in fact exist, bless each and every one of you."

Got this from a misguided friend of mine today - just seems to reemphasize the fact that the libs just don't get it. If this is where the dems are headed, it'll be a one party system soon.

Poor baby. He's still upset about that whole Santa thing, isn't he?

2 posted on 11/10/2004 1:29:17 PM PST by AppyPappy (If You're Not A Part Of The Solution, There's Good Money To Be Made In Prolonging The Problem.)

3 posted on 11/10/2004 1:31:37 PM PST by atomicpossum (I am the Cat that walks by himself, and all places are alike to me.)

the people who subsidize you, the people who speak in glowing and respectful terms about the heartland of America

Must have missed this part. I guess Howard Dean was being respectful when he talked about pickup trucks and confederate flags. As far as subsidizing goes take a look at any inner city.

God knows how many times I tried to explain to liberals that insulting me would not cause me to vote for John Kerry. Out of the dozens I spoke to, I think one finally got it.

Looks like stupidity is rampant among the left. Not that I needed confirmation of that.

Kerry lost because:

He didn't slaughter enough geese.

Didn't say "lesbian" enough.

Should have said "Al Qa Qa" more.

Should have continued hitting Bush on flu shots.

Backed off his "Global Test" theory.

Used the F word too little.

Should have consistently said "git" for "get"

Finally, two innocent bird slaughtering campaign photo ops were just not enough!

Yeah - the problem is that I really don't know how to respond to this email. I've been doing my best not to offend my friends who are otherwise good people but have gotten wrapped up in and irrationally confused by all the leftist rhetoric. I really want to take the high road and not get involved in their delusions and somehow validating them by even talking about them. Who knows? And this too shall pass?

-It ain't about money John, you money-grubber.

Also, stop your sniveling. Bin Laden said he would only attack Red States; you're off the hook, if you can believe your Islamic friend.

9 posted on 11/10/2004 1:41:47 PM PST by Finalapproach29er (You can drive from coast to coast and never pass through a single county won by Kerry.)

Got this from a misguided friend of mine today...

Please tell your friend to keep it coming. Tell him to please keep telling voters how stupid they are. And please, please, tell him that if he just keeps calling voters ignorant, racist, homophobe, redneck rubes for the next 4 years and repeating endlessly how morally and intellectually superior he is, he will eventually convince the unwashed masses out here in flyover country that he is someone they should blindly follow.

10 posted on 11/10/2004 2:00:02 PM PST by Ditto ( No trees were killed in sending this message, but billions of electrons were inconvenienced.)

11 posted on 11/10/2004 2:25:20 PM PST by FreedomsNeverFree (If the useful idiots only had the capacity to understand how they're being manipulated...)

Poor baby. He's still upset about that whole Santa thing, isn't he?

13 posted on 11/10/2004 2:33:53 PM PST by freedumb2003 (Democrat credo: If we win, we win: if we lose it is theft!)

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