[SuziQ]

You know, my attitudes about funerals have evolved over the years, and were cemented this summer with Mama's and then this Fall with my Aunt Gertrude's funeral down in RI. The Bereavement committees at both Parishes had done a 'dead spread', a lunch for those attending the funeral. For Mama, they had a hot lunch of chicken, rice, veggie, dessert, iced tea and coffee. It was really very nice. With both funerals, however, the sequence was the funeral home first thing to say our final goodbyes, then to the the Church for the Funeral Mass. After the Mass, we went out to the cemetery; for Mama the graveside service was about 1/2 hour, for Aunt Gertrude it was exactly 5 mins at the Mausoleum! We had just driven 45 minutes from the Church in for this very short service.

I'm thinking that instead of heading off to the cemetery, why can't families just take a break and have lunch with the people who attended the funeral. Then, after the luncheon, the family and those who wanted to attend could go out to the cemetery and have the graveside service. It seems to me there would be a lot less stress and time wasted by doing it that way. I hate to be crass, but the deceased doesn't care.

In my Mama's case, there were several people I saw on the way out of Mass that had not been able to make it to the wake the night before, but I would loved to have been able to visit with them. One of them was a former President of the University of Sou. Mississippi, who had been Mama's boss when he was Registrar of the Univ. It was so sweet for him to take the time to honor Mama in that way, yet none of us was able to thank him and his wife for coming.

Oh well, I was just thinking about it...

[Corin Stormhands]

Yeah, funeral customs are weird. The ones we've been to in recent years, the church has done a meal for the family. For Papa it was after the graveside service. For wife's uncle it was before.

Granted, they have a HUGH family. Papa was the oldest of nine. But still there were lots of friends and acquaintances that we didn't get to visit with.

I used to care about my funeral. I don't really anymore. Just want the wife and boys to do what they think they need to say goodbye. And, I've decided that I want to be cremated.

Why? Because everytime I go home and can't (or don't) stop at the cemetary at my Dad's grave, I feel pangs of guilt. Even after 26 years.

I don't want my boys to have to worry about that. It's not like my Dad is there. But I feel like I'm ignoring him if I don't stop.