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Posted on 11/03/2004 6:16:42 PM PST by HairOfTheDog
Eleventh Thread: Wedding Edition: The Hobbit Hole XI - No One Admitted Except on Wedding Business!
New verse:
|
Upon the hearth the fire is red, |
Still round the corner there may wait |
Home is behind, the world ahead, |
2 weeks? plenty of time. Your grades are fine. They will take care of themselves.
GPA requirement to maintain funding is also overrated, but it's the reality.
Good evening. I'm finally back.
I'm also becoming convinced that Van-sama is trying to kill me. Either that or I'm just a moron...let's see, which is more likely?
Some of us went to Wal-mart to shop - didn't get much, but got some ideas. I did get some pet supplies, and when we got out I went to put them in the back. What I forgot is that as soon as the temperature goes below 40 or so, the back door on the van doesn't open all the way unless you push it up and have someone hold it. So...I popped it, turned around and grabbed the biggest bag, turned BACK around, and whacked my head on the edge of the door so hard I'm STILL seeing stars.
Have a nice bump and scrape above one eyebrow. I'm feeling very self conscious.
We are watching FoTR... We're in Moria... Been a loooong time since I've been here, the place is a mess.
Rosie, you should stay close to home.... one more and we're gonna start calling you accident prone!
I had that reputation among the guys I hung out with mountain biking! Luckily I know how to fall...never broke a bone or anything, but I certainly have had my share of scrapes.
Ugh...I am SO paranoid about the snow now! It's snowing pretty hard again and I was driving people crazy going slow.
I'm just hoping the bump doesn't turn purple and green or something by tomorrow morning. That'll look really good at church...not! ;-)
Owwie! Maybe it's a sign about the dogs?
Sigh. Really quiet here. Which is good. At least I can get to church tomorrow. Maybe I'll take some time and watch some anime tonight.
We ~might~ get some snow tonight, they say.
Tomorrow is lefse-making day at the beach house, so I hope not too much!
If it's minor, it'll just a sickly yellow.
It was the *cat* litter that done me in, though. Thirty pounds...which isn't toooo bad to heft quickly, but I was paying more attention to it than I was to the door.
Lovely.
I guess I'll have to wait and see. How exciting...
It's also still swollen now. But an inch lower and I'd be dealing with a good ol' shiner (and it's my one good eye), so I'd be in much worse shape. Thank God for small blessings!
Better self conscious than unconscious I guess.
I am watchin some strange live action Chinese show. It seems to be a odd retelling of that monkey legend. I don't know what the legend is called or what the original says but it crops up in anime a lot.
Have some Irish Cream.
Monkey the monkey who is sort of a Loki-trickster-god? I always thought that was an Indian story, but I know of what you speak.
Right. I've worked hard. I get some Bleach-shinigami-action-fun. With cursed parakeet.
Um... I think the very moderate alcohol consumption was the problem there.
I did some math and felt better. In the class where I have some control over my grade, the possibility of an A is... not too bad. In the other class, I just have to bribe the professor.
Did ya see this?
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/1294586/posts
I got the branches all stacked nicely for pickup and raked the front yard up again.
That most missed some of the more complete list:
Being an Evil Henchperson
2601. Avoid getting sent to rough up the hero(es). Ransacking hotel rooms is probably safe, but going 'round to beat up the good guys is a sure ticket to the bottom of the Thames. Remember, however, that all Heroes get roughed up at least once, so if this has never happened to the Hero, go for it!
2602. When the hero or his sidekicks are at your mercy, don't stop to gloat.
2603. If you can't resist gloating, don't boast about the reward you expect to receive from your master for bringing them in or killing them off.
2604. If you gloat and boast, don't be surprised if a comrade of the person you have at your mercy jumps you from behind while you're distracted with your boasting.
2605. If you fail to complete your mission, skip town. Returning to the Evil Overlord to report on your failure will usually get you killed.
2606. Avoid killing people not actively involved in the rebellion; the Evil Overlord has enough enemies as it is. Especially don't kill relatives, significant others, or best friends of the hero. Normally after the Evil Overlord is overthrown, henchmen can get off with just a little community service time, but if you off the Hero's loved ones, he'll make lasagna out of you.
2607. Unless the Evil Overlord pays extra for indiscriminate slaughter, avoid it. Why should you give your services away for free?
2608. As tempting as it may be, never try to ravish the Evil Overlord's beautiful-but wicked daughter. She can probably mop the floor with you. Daddy will *not* try to stop her.
2609. Learn where the trap door is in the Evil Overlord's audience chamber. Avoid standing there especially when bad news is brought to the Evil Overlord.
2610. While the Evil Overlord is gloating over his anticipated success in the venture he is about to launch, it is considered impolite to ask "And if you fail?" You probably won't be flogged, maimed, or killed for your temerity, but why risk it?
2611. As soon as the evil lord has the hero in his power, seek the nearest available escape route. The fewmets are about to hit the windmill.
2612. Learn to distinguish Heroes from Sidekicks. Heroes are usually taller and more somber, while Sidekicks dress with more flair and tell more jokes. Taking on the Hero when you only have enough manpower/firepower to take on the Sidekick will earn you an all-expenses-paid trip on Stygian Cruise Lines.
2613. Never allow yourself to be provoked into doing anything stupid by insults from the Hero or Sidekicks.
2614. No matter how attractive the captured heroine is or how seductively she bats her eyes, she really does not want to sleep with you. Do not unlock the cell door.
2615. If the heroes give you a chance to surrender or flee, take it.
2616. If you surrender to the Hero, don't try to stab him when his back is turned; the Sidekick will get you first.
2617. If the seemingly helpless person you have just cornered is confident and unafraid despite being outnumbered and surrounded, you have encountered a Hero in disguise. Run while you still can.
2618. If the Hero you are sent after dresses entirely in black, he is even more dangerous than the Evil Overlord suspects; double all requisitions for men and firepower.
2619. Practice your "accidental" sword/gun dropping technique. It's the only thing that can save you when the hero is winning.
2620. Before performing guard duty, familiarize yourself with the sound of a tossed pebble, and learn to avoid being distracted by it.
2621. When performing guard duty, do not stare continually in one direction, but take a moment now and then to look around.
2622. When you are fighting intruders, do not fight them quietly, but yell "Intruder!" while you still have breath.
2623. When issued armor or uniforms that contrast with the service environment, respectfully inquire after more sensibly-colored attire.
2624. Get plenty of firearms practice.
2625. Don't attack the hero alone or in pairs. The Evil Overlord hired a million of you for a reason.
2626. Never be the first one to charge the hero.
2627. Exercise care in the abuse of oppressed peoples. Many farm implements make effective weapons in the hands of a skilled opponent. Some of those little old men can teach you a thing or two about hand-to-hand, too.
Being the Daughter of the Evil Overlord
2650. Do not fall in love with the Hero
2651. Find out all those lovely little family secrets so that the Hero can never spring them on you.
2652. If you do fall in love with the Hero, and decide to help him, do not declare your intentions to Daddy. Daddy will clap you in irons, pending your execution. The Hero will rescue you, but having to be rescued is demeaning.
2653. If the Hero takes you to his secret base, and once there tells all about his plans, smile sweetly, leave, and find another man; this Hero is obviously so stupid he will not be around for very long.
2654. If any of Daddy's Evil Henchmen try to make a move on you, at least maim them. While the encounter might be interesting, it would set a bad precedent.
2655. If you do fall in love with the Hero, and want him to love you in return, do not use a drug concocted by a wizened old lady living on the top of a mountain. If the hero is not blind, your natural charms will be sufficient to win him over. If he does not, or prefers the One True Love, then he obviously has rotten taste; find someone better.
2656. Do not wear dresses with high, fan-like collars. Keep your clothing to close-fitting, simple little numbers that allow you to turn your head to see what is behind you. If you have to wear a dress with such a collar, there is an arcane device called a "mirror" that allows you to see behind yourself.
2657. Have some engineers install a hidden exit from the room where Daddy imprisoned Mommy for the rest of her days after she displeased him.
2658. Do not mistreat the populace. Let Daddy be the one to make enemies of all the Heroes in the land.
2659. If you have siblings, do not trust them. They'll only take advantage of you. Of course if they're stupid enough to trust you, take advantage of them.
2660. If any of your siblings try to enlist your aid to overthrow Daddy, smile, promise to think it over, and then turn them in. They're either stupid (in which case the plot would certainly fail and you'll all get caught), setting you up (in which case not turning them in is a very bad idea), or they've turned Good (in which case life under the new regime would be boring).
2661. Laugh at all of the Sidekick's jokes, no matter how lame they are. That way when you pretend to fall for him he will be more easily fooled.
2662. Rather than simply being an attractive stage prop, make sure you know every detail of the running of the Evil Empire, so that if anything unpleasant happens to Daddy, you will be able to take over with minimal fuss. Then make sure that something unpleasant happens to Daddy.
2663. If you cannot decide between sleeping with the Hero and slowly roasting him alive, postpone dealing with him until you have clarified your emotions.
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