I'll let you know how I do!!!
Here's a post by "Two Dawgs" from another thread that I thought was a riot....
A Brief Guide to American Newspapers
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The Washington Post is read the people who think they run the country.
3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country-if they could find the time-and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
7. The New York Daily New is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.
10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country...or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy provided, of course, that they are not Republicans.
11. The National Enguirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
So true, and the Waco Tribune Herald is run for the sole purpose of the obituary page in 3 counties. Thank you for the information, I need to report this to some of my democrat friends who read some of these papers. I love it.
After reading your post, A Brief Guide to American Newspapers, I thought you might enjoy this too:
For lovers of good writing, here are the 10 winners of this year's
Bulwer-Lytton contest --AKA "Dark and Stormy Night Contest"-- (run by the
English Dept. of San Jose State University), wherein one writes only the
first line of a bad novel. The winners are:
10) "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind
in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it."
9) "Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens."
8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned,
unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep
azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for
competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied
description."
7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept
along the East wall: 'Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep.'"
6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism,
was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex- change surgeon to
become the woman he loved."
5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her
from eeking out a living at a local pet store."
4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins
often do."
3) "Like an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the
corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."
2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning
of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit
in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies."
AND THE WINNER IS.....
1) "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the
greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window,
revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in
frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her,
disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, 'You
lied!"
The last one on the list reminded me of a cover story I saw at the grocery store a couple of weeks ago in one of the really outlandish tabloids (The Globe, maybe? ... I really don't pay that much attention). There was a picture of a truly humongous lady, accompanied by the headline "I Was Bigfoot's Love Slave and Now I'm Carrying His Baby."
What is really sad to me is that there must be enough people who believe that kind of garbage for the tabloids to keep publishing it and making money. God help us all!