As We Get Older, How Do Our Dating Values Change?

MSN.com ^ | July 30, 2004 | Andrea Orr

[Nataku X]

Oh, I agree with you 100%, I wasn't making excuses, just giving a reason why people who dated online weren't necessarily crazy.

I have a wonderful, serious boyfriend--we met in college but it was really an Internet relationship because we got to know each other through emails and IRC. He is very shy and thus felt more comfortable communicating by IRC than in real life. When we had "real" dates we often took a laptop and "chatted" on it by sitting next to each other & typing, even in restaurants. He's made some hints that he'll propose to me soon--who knows!

[Mulder]

How are the personalities in your estimation?

Here's the biggest problems I run into:

1) Those girls that have "goddess" or "princess" or "queen", etc.... in their username. That shows arrogance (even though it most cases, they are attractive physically), and it implies what they expect the terms of the relationship to be: I earn, they spend.

2) Those that have unrealstic expectations, such as someone with great looks, makes a lot of money, has the same hobbies as me, etc.... I can understand that coming from younger chicks, but it's really disturbing to see it coming from the older ones. It tells me that even though they are 40 years old (or whatever), they haven't learned a damned thing from life. Perfection doesn't exist, and there are far more important things than money and "having the same hobbies".

3) Lack of basic courtesy. I've noticed that a majority of women that I've corresponded with don't say things like "thanks for contacting me", or "I appreciate you taking the time to write", etc.... Not that I really need to hear that stuff, but then again do chicks really "need" me to open the door for them on dates, or not cuss on the first couple of dates, etc....? To me, it's a simple matter of showing basic courtesy to another person. Lack of this trait wouldn't be too a big a deal, except it is almost always accompanyied by other, "bigger" deficiencies.

4) Lack of basic communication skills. It's really difficult to correspond with someone (email, phone, in person, etc....) when they never ask any questions. I was really surprised when I saw how many women would answer my emails, but wouldn't ask me a single question (even though they wrote a few paragraphs about themsleves)-- it's hard to keep a "conversation" going like that. I think that many women, especially the hot ones, haven't had to develop real communication skills. This problem is not so evident in "real life", where you can just stare at her chest instead of talking, but is very apparent when corresponding via email.

5) Excessive selfishness. We are all selfish to a point, but some women will not only state so outrightly in their online "profiles", but do it with an attitude.

Those are the major personality defects I've encountered from women.

I've managed to meet some really great women online, but you have to dig through all the crap to find a gold nugget.

[Mulder]

I'm an engineer who knows from experience that it's one thing to converse in writing, when you have time to check your writing and reasoning; and quite another to do it face to face, with no breathing room.

I concur. I like to talk on the phone with a girl after a couple of emails, and then meet if the phone conversation goes okay.

I've gotten burned a couple of times where the girl really didn't want to take things to the next level (meeting), but simply wanted an intellectal whore. I've learned my lesson in that regard.

[ValerieUSA]

A girl who wanted an intellectual whore??
Yeah, right!
What on earth does that mean anyway?

[Mulder]

A girl who wanted an intellectual whore?? Yeah, right! What on earth does that mean anyway?

I can't take credit for term "intellectual whore", but basically it means that when you are a chick's "intellectual whore", you are guy that talks to about her feelings, her day, what she wants, etc.... when she isn't getting her brains screwed out by her drug-addicted abusive boyfriend.

So you wind up doing fullfilling her intellectual and emotional needs, but aren't getting laid for it.

[Melas]

Brother, my story isn't a lot different. Sounds like my wife is similar to yours in oh so many ways. I had to teach her the biker bit though, so at least I brought something to the relationship.

[Melas]

I can't take credit for term "intellectual whore", but basically it means that when you are a chick's "intellectual whore", you are guy that talks to about her feelings, her day, what she wants, etc.... when she isn't getting her brains screwed out by her drug-addicted abusive boyfriend.

So you wind up doing fullfilling her intellectual and emotional needs, but aren't getting laid for it.

Ah the best friend! The fate of the proverbial nice guy.

[Hunble]

I will let you know a very important secret:

My wife had a horrible auto accident in the year 2000, and has been a cripple ever since. Sex? That aspect of our marriage is no longer possible.

For the first time in my life, I was forced to love someone without any possible return. It changed my life forever.

I matured as a husband because of the auto accident. Because of this, my own personal belief in a God has been confirmed.

Go figure

[boris]

After finding the love of my life--twice--and losing her--twice, several disastrous relationships...I gave up.

I sat down and had a talk with myself. "Boris, old fellow, whatever you got, they don't want; whatever they want, you don't got."

True enough: I am overweight and ugly. I have engineering degrees from prestigious institutions, a house, nice car, decent income, money in the bank, don't drink or smoke, don't abuse women; evidently insufficient qualifications. Tired of having my heart broken. Maybe I don't take rejection well. When the second one (I was planning to propose marriage) left me for another woman that tore it.

Now I am 53; hormones subsiding. Plus I'm on meds that make your noodle lose its starch, if you take my meaning.

So I am sort of glad the "heat in the blood" is gone...and resigned to living alone.

How's that?

--Boris

[Soaring Feather]

What I Want in a Man

What I Want in a Man, Original List

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover


What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)

1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)

1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5.. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)

1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7.. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)

1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet


____________________________________________________

[FlyLow]

As We Get Older, How Do Our Dating Values Change? For me the change included the question, "How would my wife react?" The answer is invariably that she would kill me, so I don't date :-P -------------------- PRICELESS

[FlyLow]

As for baggage.
Oy Vey! In my life, I have found that men have waaay more baggage than women. The stories I could tell.

---

Details, we want details!

[FlyLow]

Pattie Ann Brown is the one for me, she is one gorgeous babe!!!! ----------------------- Last year, or sometime, Patty Ann was doing the "second chair" with someone and she had on a shear blouse which showed two of the most wonderful nipples I have ever seen. Someone must have told her to wear more underwear because I have not seen her in that condition since...OH PATTY ANN!

[Indie]

Online dating is a failure at my age. I tried it, got the T-shirt and won't go there again. The women misrepresented themselves greatly. I prefer to raise my daughter, that is the main focus of my life.

GEE! Do we know each other?

I tried it and found the same thing. I have resigned myself to being just a single dad raising my two sons! :))

~Indie [doug]

[Life is simple..these charlatans made me ask:" Why would I want to complicate it for liars?"]

[vetvetdoug]

I have a new plan. I am waiting for a beautiful young woman that has been treated like faeces by a younger man and step in and show her what a real man is like. I will knock her over and she will fall head over heels in love with me. I will have a beautiful young woman for a lover and mate thereafter, especially when she remembers what the young irresponsible unrespectful man was like.

And sparks will fly out of my butt after I eat a jar of jalapenos.