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My wife and I maintained three checking accounts, mine, hers and ours. Each payday all of my pay and all of hers was deposited in our account and a fixed amount was transfered into my account and the same amount was transferred into hers. Our account paid the bills and the other accounts were ours to play with. At first it wasn't much but we each had independant accounts. As the years passed we increased the amount in our accounts as we could afford more. This left us free to surprise each other with Christmas gifts without having charges show up on credit cards. We were also free to buy whatever we wanted without looking for permission or agreement. I believe in a tolerable level of marital financial independance as I think it is good for a marriage. Worked for us, at least.

It sounds as if you and your wife figured out a great solution to handling finances. It also makes me realize just how hung up I am about not working. I know that I contribute to the household in any number of ways that I can't assign a dollar amount to, but no matter how hard I work at home raising the kids, I still feel as though my husband's income is just that--my husband's income, period. In no way does my better half make me feel this way. I have just become so used to earning my keep over the years that I am finding it difficult to adjust my thinking. My solution has basically been to not spend one thin dime on myself unless I find it absolutely necessary. At 34 years old I am fortunate enough to still fit into clothing I had in junior high and, since they are still serviceable, why invest in new clothing? When I am in need of new clothes--jeans, for instance, if I can't find them for $3 at a thrift store I buy children's sizes. Way cheaper than women's, definitely. The drawback is that I am stuck wearing children's styled clothing. Its probably not the healthiest way of dealing with the whole "Is it yours, mine, or ours?" issue, but looking at the larger picture, it doesn't really hurt me any!