The Guild 4-26-2004 Right-wing laugh riot

Washington Times ^ | 11-6-2003 | Laura Vanderkam

[BigWaveBetty]

One night last summer, radio host Larry Elder beckoned his listeners to the Ha Ha Cafe in North Hollywood to film a documentary lampooning liberal film maker Michael Moore.

Intrigued, producer Eric Peterkofsky showed up for the night's comedy. He listened as comic Jeff Wayne headlined the event with right-wing jokes rarely heard in comedy shows.

[BigWaveBetty]

Just another day of golf in Phalaborwa, South Africa.

[BigWaveBetty]

Saddam's WMD Have Been Found
by Kenneth R. Timmerman

[pubmom]

Rocco DiSpirito needs to focus his attention elsewhere, it appears he's not managed his own affairs so well: Second helping of Rocco

[BigWaveBetty]

Oh no, Mama might lose her house?! I'm not surprized that Rocco has management problems. I watched the first series and I noticed he was much too busy trying to hire 'friends' and treated them that way, so when it became crunch time he was unable to get them into line. Bad move.

I found this part of the story you linked 'humorous':

To start, he wants a new girlfriend. But the way to his heart is not through his stomach.

"I am looking for someone smart and smart and smart and then funny and then beautiful and then smart again," he says. "It all starts up in the head."

Take Halle Berry, for example.

"When I met Halle, I was speechless for one of the first times in my life," DiSpirito says. "The fact that I fed her didn't mean a damn thing to me at that point.

"She is just on fire. Oh my God! She has this inner light that's amazing."

Uh yeah, that Halle Berry is a real Einstein.

[pubmom]

I've had friends in the restaurant biz tell me their staff is like a family- a dysfunctional family. Rocco was chummy during the pre-opening period, then became disconnected when the place opened. He was too busy kissing customers to pay attention to the fact that things were going to heck in a handbasket. I remember thinking, "Get your you-know-what in the kitchen and supervise!"

Yes, I'm sure Rocco was attracted to Halle's intellect. (snort!)

Protesting waffle-boy with you in spirit today, mountaineer.

[lodwick]

Whoa! Nellie...man, that is one huge catfish.

Some of my best memories are summers with my Grandparents and driving a few miles north to fish at Lake Texoma.

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

ABC NEWS GOOD MORNING AMERICA'S CHARLIE GIBSON: Now joining us from West Virginia is himself senator John Kerry. He's in the town of Glen Easton, West Virginia, today. Good to have you with us.

SEN. JOHN KERRY: i'm glad to be with you. i really am.

GIBSON: 1984, senator, to the present. you have said a number of times, as brian pointed out as recently as friday with the ""los angeles times,"" have you said a number of times that you did not throw away the vietnam medals themselves. but now this interview from 1971 shows up the in which you say that was the medals themselves that were thrown away.

KERRY: no, i don't.

GIBSON: can you explain?

KERRY: absolutely. that's absolutely incorrect. charlie, i stood up in front of the nation. there were dozens of cameras there, television cameras, there were -- i don't know. 20, 30 still photographers. thousands of people and i stood up in front of the country, reached into my shirt, visibly for the nation to see, and took the ribbons off my chest, said a few words and threw them over the fence. the file footage, the reporter there from the ""boston globe,"" everybody got it correctly. and i never asserted otherwise. what i said was and back then, you know, ribbons, medals were absolutely interchangeable . senator simmington asking me questions in the committee hearing, look ad at the ribbons and said what are those medals? the u.s. navy pam let calls the medals, we referred to them it is a symbols, representing medals, ribbons, countless veterans through the ribbon -- threw the ribbons back. everybody did. veterans threw back dog tags. they threw back photographs, they th rew back their 14's. there are photographs of a pile of all of those things collected on the steps of the capitol. so the fact is that i have -- i have been accurate precisely about what took place. and i am the one who later made clear exactly what happened. i mean, this is a controversy that the republicans are pushing , the republicans have spent $60 million in the last few weeks trying to attack me. and this comes from a president and a republican party that can't even answer whether or not he showed up for duty in the national guard. i'm not going to stand for it.

GIBSON: senator, i was there 33 years ago and i saw you throw medals over the fence and we didn't find out until later -

KERRY: no, you didn't see me throw th. charlie, charlie, you are wrong. that's not what happened. i threw my ribbons across. all you have to do -

GIBSON: someone else's medals, correct in?

KERRY: after -- excuse me. excuse me, charlie. after the ceremony was over, i had a bronze star and a purple heart given to me, one purple heart by a veteran in the v.a. in new york and the bronze star by an older veteran of world war ii in massachusetts. i threw them over because they asked me to. i never --

GIBSON: let me come back to the thing just said which is the military --

KERRY: this is a phony -- charlie, this is a phony controversy.

GIBSON: the military makes no distinction between ribbons and medals but you are the one who made the distinction. in 1984 --

KERRY: no . we made no distinction back then, charlie. we made no distinction.

GIBSON: senator, i don't want -- i just want to ask the question. in 1984 when you were running for the senate, that was the first time that you called someone in from labor because they were upset that you had thrown ribbons away.

KERRY: no.

GIBSON: you called them and you made the distinction and said i didn't throw my medals away. i just threw the ribbons away. you made the distinction.

KERRY: i was asked specifically in greater detail about what took place. i answered the question truthfully. which is consistent with what happened in 1971. i mean, charlie, go back and get the file footage. there are were millions of people watching. i took my ribbons off my chest just as other veterans did. this is a phony controversy. this is being pushed yesterday by karen hughes of the white house on fox. it shows up at a several different stations at the same time. the republicans are running $10 million this week to attack my credentials on defense. this comes from a president who can't even show or prove that he showed up for duty in the national guard.

GIBSON: senator --

KERRY: i'm not going to stand for it. i'm in the going to stand for it.

GIBSON: i-understand you are feeling politics is behind this. but i ask you, is it not --

KERRY: i know politics is behind this.

GIBSON: when trying to appeal to the anti-war people in 1971, you said as in that interview, it was the medals and then when the people who supported the war were giving you political problems, you then said i didn't throw the medals away 13 years later.

KERRY: that's the most -- with all due respect, that's the most ridiculous thing i have ever heard. because i stood up in front of the country, in front of cameras, a reporter of the ""boston globe"" got it correct . he wrote about the medals but knew they were my ribbons. everybody understood what we were doing. i even said in that interview we threw away the symbols of what our country gave us for what we had gone through. and if i was -- you know, back then, trying to appeal to somebody, i stood up against richard nixon, stood up against the withar, took a position, and it wasn't popular, and it was polarizing. i didn't have to do it. if i was trying to hide something, i would have never stood there in floment of everybody and thrown them over the fence. i threw my ribbons over. i threw the medals of two veterans who asked me to throw them over, after the ceremony, completely separate, and i'm the one -- if hi something to hide, i'm the one who made it known exactly what happened. to me, it is one in the same. and i'm proud of it.

GIBSON: let me ask you, too, about two other things that you have said. subsequent to that. 1985, you said to ""the washington post,"" it is such a personal thing i did no want to throw my medals away. then 1996, you said to the ""boston globe,"" i didn't bring my own medals to throw because i didn't have time to go home and get them. which one was it?

KERRY: i expressed there was great sense of wrench being the whole thing. many of us -- we had a long argument the night before, charlie. it is a matter of record. as to how we were going to do it. and the vote was taken. i was not in favor of throwing them over the fence. i thought we ought to lay them on a table and put them in front of people in a way that, you know, wouldn't be as challenging to many americans. other veterans felt otherwise. they took a vote. the vote was made, they voted to throw. i threw my ribbons. i didn't have my medals. it is very simple . what the republicans are trying to do is make this into an issue because they have no record to run on and they can't go out and talk about jobs or health care or environment. they are going to attack 35 years ago. last week in an unprecedented attack, they sent congressmen to the floor of the senate of the house to attack me on the anniversary of my speech. george bush has yet to explain to america whether or no t to tell the truth about whether he showed up for duty. i'm not going to get attack order something i did that's a matter of record that the press saw, that i did in front of the entire nation and everyone then understood there was no distinction. we threw away the symbols of the war. i'm proud i stood up and fought stood up and fought against it. proud i took on richard nixon. and i think to this day, there's no distinction between the two.

GIBSON: all right. senator, i appreciate your being with us this morning. i'm glad to have you here. thank you. all the best. diane?

[lodwick]

...say, "What?"

Is there an interpreter in the house?

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

It's bad enough to read it, but to see it is really creepy.

[Utah Girl]

From the Corner at National Review Online:

MEDALS [John Hood]
I was just watching John Kerry's self-immolation on ABC's "Good Morning America." His equivocations about his Vietnam medals back in 1971 have finally caught up with him. ABC News had him dead to rights -- talking on a D.C. television show about the time about throwing away his medals, then denying it during later interviews, then mixing up the two in the 1980s, then in 1996 saying he would have thrown his medals away if he'd had time to go home to get them. Charlie Gibson clearly grew exasperated as the interview, or perhaps filibuster, wore on. I'm feeling guilty about the fact that I pitied Kerry by the end of it. It was painful to watch.

[lodwick]

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. [Anonymous]

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. [Ann Landers]

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. [Will Rogers]

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. [Ben Williams]

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. [Josh Billings]

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. [Andy Rooney]

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made. [M. Acklam]

Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and all ways have to mix love and hate. [Sigmund Freud]

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. [Rita Rudner]

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. [Robert Benchley]

Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard. [Dave Barry]

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like, never washed a dog. [Franklin P. Jones]

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. [Unknown]

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money. [Joe Weinstein]

Ever consider what our dogs must think of us.? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul - pork, chicken, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! [Anne Tyle]

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. [Robert A. Heinlein]

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. [Mark Twain]

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'Wow, you're right.! I never would've thought of that!' [Dave Barry]

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.[Roger Caras]

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them. [Phil Pastoret]

My goal in life is to be as good of a person as my dog already thinks I am. [Unknown]

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[BigWaveBetty]

You little sweetie, thanks so much. Is there a thread in news/activism that has a transcript? If not put it up, everyone should know what old worthless has to say. heh heh heh!

When I heard this story last night my first thought was of the soliders who have given their lives in Iraq and Afghanistan. Thank goodness we're not fighting WWII today with all the whiners wringing their hands over the troop deaths as a political tool to bash GWB.

Veterans gather to remember little-known World War II disaster that killed 749 U.S. servicemen

STOKENHAM, England (AP) -- Sixty years ago, 749 U.S. soldiers and sailors were killed when their D-Day landing practice was attacked by German torpedo boats off the south coast of England.

It was one of the least-known Allied disasters of World War II.

On Sunday, at St. Michael's and All Angels church in the coastal village of Stokenham, American and British veterans attended a memorial service for the men of Exercise Tiger, who died in the early morning darkness of April 28, 1944.

The eight-day exercise was the U.S. 4th Infantry Division's practice for the D-Day invasions, using the beach at Slapton, near Stokenham, because of its similarity to the Normandy landing sites.

The exercise involved 3,000 ships and 30,000 men. Only one British corvette provided escort for the slow-moving convoy of U.S. Navy ships to Slapton Sands.

Nine fast-moving German torpedo boats happened upon the convoy, sank two ships and badly damaged a third.

The attack killed nearly four times as many men as the division later lost in the D-Day landing, June 6, 1944.

The survivors were warned to keep it secret, and the casualties were not announced until nearly two months after the Normandy invasion. Full details were not known until 1974, when the records were declassified.

The convoy was lightly guarded and, because of a typographical error, the American ships were on the wrong radio frequency and unable to receive warnings.

Because the soldiers were top-heavy in full battle dress, many bodies were found floating feet up.

After Sunday's memorial service, the veterans and local residents attended a wreath-laying ceremony at a U.S. Sherman tank that had been lost at sea during the operation. It was recovered in 1984 to become a beachside memorial. God Bless each one and the families who gave them up. Thank you to all the brave souls who protect us.

[BigWaveBetty]

We have a friend whose wife's family has a Tai restaurant (yes, they're all Tai). We've heard tales of their family getting into arguments and end up chasing each other around the restaurant with huge knives. So recently when we went to their house for dinner and she served us leaves from the backyard that you were then supposed to fill with goodies like shrimp, coconut, etc., then wrap the leaf around the fillings and "just pop it in your mouth!", I ate it with a smile. Holy cow it was awful, thank goodness I'm a great actress. :-) Mr. B ate six or more, he loved them! ick!!

I figured Rocco would have hired someone to supervise so he could mingle with the beautiful people. That would be the smart thing to do, no? He couldn't bring one of his supervisors from his other restaurant?

[BigWaveBetty]

I'm feeling guilty about the fact that I pitied Kerry by the end of it. It was painful to watch.

Don't feel bad, no matter what the dims say we as conservatives aren't devoid of feelings, even for our enemies. But I sympathize completely, I do the same thing every time Kerry gets on stage and does his stump speech.

[BigWaveBetty]

It's NewsMax so take with a grain of salt:

Kerry a Cheapskate, Senate Waiter Says!

[mountaineer]

The story about Michael Moore's outrageous and disgusting comment about how he hoped U.S. troops would die is posted as a thread here, A MOORE REVOLTING VIEW OF WAR.

I've just returned from freeping Kerry. As soon as I gather my thoughts, clean out email and catch my breath, I'll give a full report. It went great.

[lodwick]

THIS JOKE HAS GOT TO BE NOMINATED FOR JOKE OF THE YEAR!

G. W. Bush and Bill Clinton somehow ended up at the same barbershop.

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Clinton in his chair reached for the aftershave.

Clinton was quick to stop him saying, "No thanks, my wife Hillary will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse,"

The second barber turned to Bush and said, "How about you?"

Bush replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

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[mountaineer]

Here's my freeping report.

[lodwick]

Nice work and great report. Thank you.

[mountaineer]

i expressed there was great sense of wrench being the whole thing.

I'm having a great sense of wrench right now.