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To: Fedora
I think the courtship model is a great ideal, but it derives from a geographically-close family structure which, unfortunately, is increasingly rare today, so it's not very realistic for many people.

Exactly. And... in some, not all, cases it has the effect of telling teens/young adults that their parents don't trust them. Not talking about sex, but about making important decisions. And yes, people can be morons and screw up their whole lives, but at the same time, it's about the most important decision you'll make.

And who knows when people are ready? My mom had two kids by the time she was the age I am now. That situation has worked well. Wouldn't work for me, I need just a little time on my own before I settle down again.

2,372 posted on 03/21/2004 6:57:45 PM PST by JenB
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To: JenB
Exactly. And... in some, not all, cases it has the effect of telling teens/young adults that their parents don't trust them. Not talking about sex, but about making important decisions. And yes, people can be morons and screw up their whole lives, but at the same time, it's about the most important decision you'll make.

Yeah--which is an issue whenever parents are concerned about their children's decisions, and especially so in that type of decision. I think how that's handled will reflect long-term issues in the parent-child relation, i.e. parents will tend to either be too overprotective, too lenient, or comfortable cooperating supportively in their child's decision-making process because they've developed that type of relationship with their child; and vice-versa from the children's side of the process. Unfortunately today there tend to be major rifts between parents and children in the autonomy area and children tend to make marriage decisions leaning towards the rebellion extreme; I think maybe in the days of arranged marriages it tended more towards the overprotective extreme; the happy medium has always been rare, I suspect.

And who knows when people are ready? My mom had two kids by the time she was the age I am now. That situation has worked well. Wouldn't work for me, I need just a little time on my own before I settle down again.

That's a good idea. What's the right timing for you might well be different from what was right for your mom, since you're different people in different situations.

2,392 posted on 03/21/2004 7:11:05 PM PST by Fedora
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