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This is (allegedly) an actual job application that a 75 year old senior submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas . . . and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: George Martin

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person (or one who'll cooperate).

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a CEO style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 Lbs.?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Sagittarius

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1063803/posts?page=173#173

Actor who played Captain Kangaroo dies

Posted by: Paola Farer, Web Producer
Several news organizations are reporting that Bob Keeshan has died. Keeshan delighted millions of TV viewers for 30 years as Captain Kangaroo.

Keeshan died in Vermont where he lived, according to Broadcast News Ltd. He was 76.

Keeshan was a television pioneer, who became the host of the longest-running TV children's show of all time.

He got into show business as an intern, getting tipped $5 a show to dress like a clown. He never spoke on the program, but Keeshan still captivated kids as the first Clarabell on The Howdy Doody Show.

In 1955, CBS hired Keeshan to star in a new children's show. Captain Kangaroo was a grandfatherly-type, who carried all kinds of interesting things in his pouch-like pockets.

The captain stayed on the air from 1955 to 1985, teaching and entertaining kids.

Once the captain ended his TV run he continued to speak out for children's programming.

"Television is a wonderful tool,” he said on at least one occasion. “It can teach, it can educate, it can be a great cultural influence on our young people."

Keeshan suffered from heart trouble later in life and spent his last years away from the TV camera with his own children and grandchildren. He was also the author of several children's books.

(Copyright 2004 by 9NEWS KUSA-TV. All Rights Reserved)

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Rest in peace, Captain Kangaroo (Bob Keeshan) ...