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"Cat in the Hat: A****** in Fur": UK Guardian
UK Guardian ^ | 11/29/03 | UK Guardian

Posted on 11/29/2003 4:45:30 PM PST by SerpentDove

"An abomination, impure and simple." Joe Morgenstern, the Wall Street Journal

"Like being run over by a garbage truck that backs up and dumps its load on top of you. It's a sloppy and vulgar burlesque, one of the most repulsive kiddie movies ever... aggressively unpleasant... With his genius comic radar, Myers must have sensed the slant was wrong but couldn't turn back. Even under all that hair you can detect the expression of someone flapping his arms to keep a lead balloon aloft... The movie's grim subtext is the wreck of [co-star Alec] Baldwin's career - how puffy he looks, and how he never manages to rise above his material." David Edelstein, Slate

"If the producers had dug up Ted Geisel's [Dr Seuss's] body and hung it from a tree, they couldn't have desecrated the man any more." Ty Burr, Boston Globe

"Charmless, pointless and all but witless adaptation, with even less charisma than that flesh-eating virus of holiday films, 2000's How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Take someone you hate... Perhaps the worst holiday movie ever made." John Anderson, Newsday

"'It is fun to have fun,' the Cat famously warned, 'but you have to know how.' This movie... is a remarkably thorough demonstration of how not to... A squad of frantic screenwriters throw in disparate elements out of sheer laziness, concocting a gruelling, chaotic stew of forced whimsy that utterly lacks imaginative integrity or visual spark... I am tempted to say that this Cat should be tied up in a sack and drowned, but I wouldn't want to condone cruelty to animals, even metaphorically. Cruelty to classic works of children's literature is bad enough." AO Scott, New York Times

"The Cat in the Hat comes scarily close to being the most unendurable Hollywood creation of the last dozen years... The jokes, even the shit-dick-puke-balls bits aimed at titillating teens, are mortifyingly witless... Thanks to [director Brian] Grazer's evil-genius demographic scheme, The Cat in the Hat isn't fit for preteens, and it isn't digestible to adults. Teens, it needn't be said, should have better things - drugs, humping, Matrix sequels - on which to squander their weekends." Michael Atkinson, Village Voice

"They might as well have skipped the hassle of securing licensing rights and simply called this mess Mike Myers: Asshole in Fur." Gregory Weinkauf, Dallas Observer


TOPICS: TV/Movies
KEYWORDS: moviereview
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To: SerpentDove
As James Lileks (father of a 3-year-old) wrote about it:

"There was a time when, if such a creature had come sauntering into town, the menfolk would have picked up their shovels and beaten it to death."

21 posted on 11/29/2003 5:29:35 PM PST by ihatemyalarmclock
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To: Elliott Jackalope
I agree very much. I walked out half way towards the end. It was vulgar and offended this fairly tolerant 24 year. It should of been rated PG-13 if not R. Tis true Alec Baldwin did play himself. Elf was a much better movie or at least it was clean with a good story about Christmas.
22 posted on 11/29/2003 5:40:49 PM PST by neb52
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To: neb52
Was it rated PG? To my shame I "assumed" it was G.

Fool me once, shame on me...
23 posted on 11/29/2003 5:54:24 PM PST by SerpentDove
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To: SerpentDove
Its PG.
24 posted on 11/29/2003 8:41:17 PM PST by neb52
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To: SerpentDove
If it was Rated G, then some heads need to roll at the agency that rates movies.
25 posted on 11/29/2003 8:43:08 PM PST by neb52
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To: SerpentDove
bump for later
26 posted on 11/29/2003 8:44:03 PM PST by herewego (When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh-oh" it is already too late.)
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To: neb52
"Elf" was very good. Sweet, innocent, funny--everything, it seems, this Cat monstrosity isn't.

I can't believe they're both rated PG. They sound like they're worlds apart in content and tone.
27 posted on 11/29/2003 9:17:34 PM PST by Choose Ye This Day ("The Pinedale Shopping Center has just been bombed by live turkeys!")
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To: MNLDS
Elf was awesome! If I had kids, I wouldn't hesitate to show it to them.

I knew that "The Cat in the Hat" was going to suck based on the promos and the Grinch movie.

28 posted on 11/29/2003 10:52:10 PM PST by Hawkeye's Girl
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To: Hawkeye's Girl
Yes, we took our 8-year-old daughter. First PG movie for her, so I was a little nervous. Except for the burp, the "lose the tights" scene, and the "syrup" in the coffee, it was alright. She liked it. My wife and I loved it.
29 posted on 11/29/2003 11:22:25 PM PST by Choose Ye This Day ("The Pinedale Shopping Center has just been bombed by live turkeys!")
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To: MNLDS
Yeah, I was surprised that Will Farrel was able to do a clean movie. But Elf goes to show how you can do a good and funny movie without all the perverted and profanity that most comedies rely on. The part were he keeps eating the cotton balls(that he thought were cotton candy) at the Doctor's office cracked me up. I know some people here didn't want to see it, because of Ed Asner being it. But I still don't know who he is. Evidently his part was small, probably for a small minded person. :P

I was looking forward to Cat in the Hat though. I like Mike Meyers and thought with him in it, he would bring the story to life on screen. But alas, I was to be very disappointed. The movie was bad even without the vulgar jokes.
30 posted on 11/30/2003 1:16:56 AM PST by neb52
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To: SerpentDove
"They might as well have skipped the hassle of securing licensing rights and simply called this mess Mike Myers: Asshole in Fur."

Sorry, Alec Baldwin already holds that title.

31 posted on 11/30/2003 4:11:43 AM PST by martin_fierro (_____oooo_(_°_¿_°_)_oooo_____)
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To: martin_fierro
AUUUUUUGH!
32 posted on 11/30/2003 7:41:15 AM PST by Timesink (I'm not a big fan of electronic stuff, you know? Beeps ... beeps freak me out. They're bad.)
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To: SerpentDove
So I guess "Bad Santa" is out of the question.
33 posted on 11/30/2003 7:53:37 AM PST by Tijeras_Slim (SSDD - Same S#it Different Democrat)
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To: Tijeras_Slim
If I do go, I won't be taking my nephew.
34 posted on 11/30/2003 11:08:56 AM PST by SerpentDove
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To: Semi Civil Servant
The clip on Leno was of Myers (the Cat) being used as a party pinata. The "highlight" of the clip is a kid smashing a baseball bat into the Cat's crotch. How original and witty!

Seriously, this gag wasn't particularly funny when Hollywood first filmed it decades ago. Now it's completely stale and unfunny. Why did the untalented hacks who wrote this movie think such a scene belonged in kids' movie? Why do they think it's funny after being used in virtually every "comedy" since the Carter Administration.

I watched "Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World" again this week. It's not a perfect movie, but it's way beyond most of the trash that passes for comedy these days.

My sentiments exactly. I'm tired of the "hit in the groin" scene in soooooo many movies.

35 posted on 11/30/2003 4:47:18 PM PST by lowbridge (As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly. -Mr. Carlson, WKRP in Cincinnati)
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To: Mercat
I never could stand Seuss. It amazes me that his birthday has replaced Christ's in the public school system locally. Big day, almost as big as the 100th day of school celebrations.
36 posted on 11/30/2003 6:31:55 PM PST by mlmr (Now that Thanksgiving is over, Merry Christmas!!!)
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To: Donaeus
BTTT for later
37 posted on 12/01/2003 10:32:14 AM PST by Donaeus (HYDRA-SHOK, it does the body good. . .Just ask a Neanderthal.)
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