Dimensional Door - Freeople Thread 14

[Servant of the 9]

No snow, just cold blowing rain.

So9

[sweetliberty]

It is cold here! I'm either going to have to turn the heat on or go get in the bed so I can get warm.

Is it just me, or is it a slow news day?

[restornu]

SO9

[sweetliberty]

ROTFL!

[westmex]

It has been a long tiring day...so I'm off to bed..
Sure hope mañana is better....

......Westy....

[restornu]

This is a story about how religion affects our thinking and our behavior.
It seems there was an Irishman who went into a bar in Dublin. He ordered three pints of ale, and sipped from all three of them. After he finished all three of them, he was about to leave. The bartender said, "You know a pint can go flat after I draw it and you might consider ordering them one at a time." But the Irishman explained why that would not be good. "You see, I have two brothers, one in America and one in Australia, and I live here in Dublin. When we went our different ways we agreed we would drink this way to remember the days we drank together. So I drink one for meself, and one for each brother." The bartender said that's a nice custom and let it go at that.

The Irishman became a regular, and the routine was always the same. But there came a day when he ordered only two pints. For a moment everyone in the bar fell silent. When it came time for him to leave the bartender said, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on the loss of your brother."

The Irishman looked confused for a moment, then understood. He laughed, "Oh no, everyone's fine! It's just that I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

[Mo1]

Email from dad inlaw


A County Deputy pulled a car over on I-55 about 2 miles north of the Missouri state line. When the Deputy asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Branson to do a show that night and didn't want to be late.


The deputy told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket.

The driver told the deputy that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.
The deputy told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his squad car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler stated that he could, so the deputy got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.

While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the squad Car, a drunk got out and watched the performance briefly, he then went over to the squad car, and got in the back seat. The deputy observed him doing this and went over to his squad car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, "Might as well take me to jail -- there's no way in H#$$ I can pass that test."

[Mo1]

More email from Dad inlaw

1. There was a church that had problems with outsiders parking in its parking lots, so they put up a sign: CHURCH CAR PARK - FOR MEMBERS ONLY.
Trespassers will be BAPTIZED!

2. "No God - No Peace. Know God - Know Peace."

3. "Free Trip to Heaven. Details Inside!"

4. "Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin Robbins!"

5. "Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"

6. An ad for one Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets."

7. When the restaurant next to the Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."

8. "People are like tea bags - you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are."

9. "Fight truth decay - study the Bible daily."

10. "How will you spend eternity - Smoking or Non- smoking?"

11. "Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives"

12. "Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."

13. "It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."

14. "Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church."

15. "If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."

16. "If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again."

17. "Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon."

18. "This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?" --(U R)

19. "In the dark? Follow the Son."

20. "Running low on faith? Step in for a fill-up."

21. "If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd."

[restornu]

[restornu]

The 5th Ave. Presbyterian had sermon title like that now they are no longer!

It was just as established as St.Patrick Cathedral but would houses the homeless in the beautiful stone arches as they exepcted those attend to pay the up keep!

[Mo1]

Kid's Voices

Ever notice how a 4 year-old 's voice is louder than 200 adult voices?

Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit, with crashing thunder and severe lightning.

As I came into my bedroom about 2 a.m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, Karey, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night.

The next day, I talked to the children and explained that it was O.K.to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night.

They said OK.

After my next trip several weeks later, Karey and the children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time.

Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for my plane's arrival, along g with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers.

As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came running shouting,

"Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!"

As I waved back, I said loudly, "What is the good news?"

"Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!"

The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at Alex, then turned to me, and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his Mom was.

---

An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then 4-year-old daughter.
On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.

"Be still, my heart,"Thought my friend, " my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!"

Then the child spoke into the instrument:
"Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"

---

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."

Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."

The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's ' daughter?"

She replied, "I thought I was, but Mother says I'm not."

---

A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"

Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."

The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
___________________________________________________________


A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service,

"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"

One bright little girl replied,

"Because people are sleeping."

[restornu]

Ancient Manuscript Discovered at Vatican Library
VOA News
05 Dec 2003, 20:35 UTC


A scholar in the Vatican library has discovered what appear to be previously unknown verses by the ancient Greek playwright Menander.
The Vatican newspaper,L' Osservatore Romano, reported Friday the scholar, Franccesco D'Aiuto, this week discovered a ninth-century copy of 400 verses by the Greek writer. It says 200 of them are part of Menander's play Dyskolos or "The Grouch." But in what the paper calls a 'sensational' find, 200 others appear to be part of a previously unknown work.

Menander was born in the 342 B.C. and is considered one of the most prolific writers of Greek comedies. Most of his works have been lost, but enough remain to have earned him the nickname "the father of the modern sitcom."

[Mo1]

A woman awakes during the night, and her husband isn't
in bed with her. She goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup
of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep
thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he
wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his
coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she asks. "Why are you down
here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from
his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were
dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
"Yes, I do," she replies. "Do you remember when your
father caught us in the back seat of my car making
love?" "Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering
herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues, "Do you remember when he shoved
the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my
daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"

"I remember that, too," she replies softly. He wipes
another tear from his cheek and says, "I would have
gotten out today!"

[Mo1]

Another email from dad .. with a southern twist *L*

How do you tell the difference between democrats, republicans And Southerners? Pose the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screamsobscenities, raises the knife, and charges.

You are carrying a Glock . 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

Democrats Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away?
What does my wife think? What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of
message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

Republicans Answer:

BANG!

Southerner's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click...

(Sounds of reloading.)

Wife: "Sweetheart, he looks like he's still moving, what do You kids think?"

Son: "Mom's right Dad, I saw it, too."

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.

Daughter: "Nice group, Daddy! Were those the Winchester
Silver Tips?"

[Mo1]

Menander was born in the 342 B.C. and is considered one of the most prolific writers of Greek comedies

LOL .. for some reason that just sounds weird to me

I guess I never thought of the Greeks as a bunch of jokers

[lodwick]

Good stuff from dad-in-law...thanks.

Good Friday morning everyone.

[lodwick]

posted on 12/11/2003 10:52:05 PM CST by GeronL (Is your Tagline weak, limp and ineffective? Has it hurt your relationship? Try TiAGra today!!!!)

[ValerieUSA]

*LOL* Good morning.
I get to print out lots of Santa pics today from last night. My printer is very slow at best photo quality.

[ValerieUSA]

[lodwick]

Slow, but worth it.

What a lovely picture!

Party prep is in full effect here.

See'ya soon.