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Posted on 09/10/2026 11:14:48 AM PDT by DFG
DALLAS, TX — In his keynote speech at the 2026 RNC Midterm Convention, President Donald Trump pledged that if voters defeat socialism in November, they will each get an equal redistribution of wealth from the government.
Trump detailed his plan to take money from taxpayers, divide it up into equal $5,000 shares, and redistribute it to every citizen if they would simply vote to keep socialism at bay.
"Socialism is so dangerous, it's terrifying, really. We have to stop it by whatever means necessary, even if it means redistributing everyone's wealth," explained Trump. "What we'll do is we'll take everyone's money and throw it in a big pile. We'll call it the 'Defeat Socialism Fund', which has a nice ring to it, I think. And if we win, we'll divide everyone's money up equally to celebrate the victory of capitalism and the American way. Every single adult will get $5,000 from the government, which is just how George Washington, who was almost as good a president as me by the way, would have envisioned it."
While many Americans cheered the prospect of receiving large checks from the government, others expressed doubts about the plan. "It just sounds somehow familiar, seizing everyone's money by force and redistributing it. I've got this vague feeling that people have tried it before and it didn't go well," said local man Daniel Beamon. "It seems awfully similar to a system that governments elsewhere have tried, though I'm blanking on what the system is called. I'm not sold on this one, Mr. President."
At publishing time, President Trump had also vowed to reward the defeat of socialism by lowering gasoline costs through the federal government seizing control of private oil companies.
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The Bee is obviously suffering from TDS. /sarc
The Babylon Bee is generally considered to be a conservative website. But here’s one thing about the Bee. They are an equal-opportunity mocker.
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A $5,000 check and a $6,000 bill to pay for the $5,000 check.
LOL.
I’ve been giving this govt nearly one quarter of my income. They’ve managed it to a $40 T deficit including allowing Minnesota and California to defraud billions and it’s communist for them to give us hard working stiffs a few thousand. Once ?
No. The redistribution is traceable to my funding silly and or fraudulent programs at least
Heh.
Yeah - you get a socialism, YOU get a socialism, *EVERYBODY* gets a socialism! But you get to pick your color: You want the red socialism or the blue socialism!
For purposes of fiscal sanity? I’m counting on this about as much as I counted on the tariff dividend checks and the DOGE rebate checks.
Politically? I suppose the leftists started this with government handout promises long ago. Still doesn’t make me particularly happy to see both sides just adopt the vote sales pitch.
From each according to his ability.
To each according to parity.
It sounds socialistic to me. At the very least, it will cause more inflation. If President Trump can afford to give every citizen-votering-adult $5,000, surely he can reduce the deficit with that money.
This is perfect.
I would rather that money go back to taxpayers than to a resurrected USAID, that’s for sure.
“ It sounds socialistic to me”
If you accept that it’s not socialist for the government to take 1/4 of your earnings on a yearly basis and give it to anything other than basics- defense. Infrastructure
“It sounds socialistic to me. At the very least, it will cause more inflation. If President Trump can afford to give every citizen-votering-adult $5,000, surely he can reduce the deficit with that money.”
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It will also add at least $1 Trillion immediately to our existing $40 Trillion debt.
The Bee has jumped the shark.
Nothing fights socialism like free stuff from the gummint
Even the democrats couldn’t have dreamt up a vote buying scheme like that with a straight face.
Another low IQ piece from the Babylon Bee.
What Trump is offering is not consistent with socialism.
Try to think a little more carefully.
which, BTW, the democrats will expand and exploit on steroids if they get in power in 2028.
……..not to mention using it as a huge first step towards their long term socialistic dream of Universal Guaranteed Basic Income for everyone. For democrats, it is a perfect precdent.
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