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Trump Pledges That If Voters Defeat Socialism In November, They Will Each Get An Equal Redistribution Of Wealth From The Government
Babylon Bee ^ | 09/10/2026 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 09/10/2026 11:14:48 AM PDT by DFG

DALLAS, TX — In his keynote speech at the 2026 RNC Midterm Convention, President Donald Trump pledged that if voters defeat socialism in November, they will each get an equal redistribution of wealth from the government.

Trump detailed his plan to take money from taxpayers, divide it up into equal $5,000 shares, and redistribute it to every citizen if they would simply vote to keep socialism at bay.

"Socialism is so dangerous, it's terrifying, really. We have to stop it by whatever means necessary, even if it means redistributing everyone's wealth," explained Trump. "What we'll do is we'll take everyone's money and throw it in a big pile. We'll call it the 'Defeat Socialism Fund', which has a nice ring to it, I think. And if we win, we'll divide everyone's money up equally to celebrate the victory of capitalism and the American way. Every single adult will get $5,000 from the government, which is just how George Washington, who was almost as good a president as me by the way, would have envisioned it."

While many Americans cheered the prospect of receiving large checks from the government, others expressed doubts about the plan. "It just sounds somehow familiar, seizing everyone's money by force and redistributing it. I've got this vague feeling that people have tried it before and it didn't go well," said local man Daniel Beamon. "It seems awfully similar to a system that governments elsewhere have tried, though I'm blanking on what the system is called. I'm not sold on this one, Mr. President."

At publishing time, President Trump had also vowed to reward the defeat of socialism by lowering gasoline costs through the federal government seizing control of private oil companies.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: 5000; accurate; communism; convention; marxism; midterm; nevertrumpingtrash; randpaulisatraitor; randspam; redistribution; socialism; tdstroll; truthhurts; zot

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1 posted on 09/10/2026 11:14:48 AM PDT by DFG
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To: DFG

The Bee is obviously suffering from TDS. /sarc


2 posted on 09/10/2026 11:18:15 AM PDT by Angelino97
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To: DFG

The Babylon Bee is generally considered to be a conservative website. But here’s one thing about the Bee. They are an equal-opportunity mocker.

🐝


3 posted on 09/10/2026 11:20:13 AM PDT by Leaning Right
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To: DFG

A $5,000 check and a $6,000 bill to pay for the $5,000 check.


4 posted on 09/10/2026 11:20:21 AM PDT by Engraved-on-His-hands (If someone says that there are no absolutes, ask them if they are absolutely sure.)
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To: DFG

https://www.lerctr.org/~transit/healy/hello.wav


5 posted on 09/10/2026 11:22:09 AM PDT by BenLurkin (The above is not a statement of fact. It is opinion or satire. Or both.)
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To: DFG

LOL.


6 posted on 09/10/2026 11:23:15 AM PDT by moviefan8
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To: DFG

I’ve been giving this govt nearly one quarter of my income. They’ve managed it to a $40 T deficit including allowing Minnesota and California to defraud billions and it’s communist for them to give us hard working stiffs a few thousand. Once ?

No. The redistribution is traceable to my funding silly and or fraudulent programs at least


7 posted on 09/10/2026 11:39:34 AM PDT by stanne
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To: Angelino97

Heh.

Yeah - you get a socialism, YOU get a socialism, *EVERYBODY* gets a socialism! But you get to pick your color: You want the red socialism or the blue socialism!

For purposes of fiscal sanity? I’m counting on this about as much as I counted on the tariff dividend checks and the DOGE rebate checks.

Politically? I suppose the leftists started this with government handout promises long ago. Still doesn’t make me particularly happy to see both sides just adopt the vote sales pitch.


8 posted on 09/10/2026 11:39:39 AM PDT by Capn Hayek (Capital is not responsible for Labor's lack of planning)
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To: DFG

From each according to his ability.
To each according to parity.


9 posted on 09/10/2026 11:43:03 AM PDT by posterchild
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To: DFG

It sounds socialistic to me. At the very least, it will cause more inflation. If President Trump can afford to give every citizen-votering-adult $5,000, surely he can reduce the deficit with that money.


10 posted on 09/10/2026 11:45:04 AM PDT by batazoid (Natural born citizen)
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To: DFG

This is perfect.


11 posted on 09/10/2026 11:46:12 AM PDT by Thud
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To: DFG

I would rather that money go back to taxpayers than to a resurrected USAID, that’s for sure.


12 posted on 09/10/2026 11:54:30 AM PDT by jacknhoo (Luke 12:51; Think ye, that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, no; but separation.)
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To: DFG

13 posted on 09/10/2026 11:54:33 AM PDT by NoLibZone (All those who defended Pam Bondi must be exposed.)
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To: batazoid

“ It sounds socialistic to me”

If you accept that it’s not socialist for the government to take 1/4 of your earnings on a yearly basis and give it to anything other than basics- defense. Infrastructure


14 posted on 09/10/2026 11:56:46 AM PDT by stanne
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To: batazoid

“It sounds socialistic to me. At the very least, it will cause more inflation. If President Trump can afford to give every citizen-votering-adult $5,000, surely he can reduce the deficit with that money.”
____________________________________________________________

It will also add at least $1 Trillion immediately to our existing $40 Trillion debt.


15 posted on 09/10/2026 12:05:03 PM PDT by Bob Wills is still the king
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To: NoLibZone

The Bee has jumped the shark.


16 posted on 09/10/2026 12:10:03 PM PDT by Kleon
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To: Leaning Right

Nothing fights socialism like free stuff from the gummint


17 posted on 09/10/2026 12:11:38 PM PDT by bigbob (We are all Charlie Kirk now)
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To: Capn Hayek
Yep, the Babylon Bee couldn’t have come up with a vote buying scheme like the $5,000 handout.

Even the democrats couldn’t have dreamt up a vote buying scheme like that with a straight face.

18 posted on 09/10/2026 12:18:27 PM PDT by volare737 ( Diversity is something to be overcome, not celebrated. e)
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To: DFG

Another low IQ piece from the Babylon Bee.

What Trump is offering is not consistent with socialism.

Try to think a little more carefully.


19 posted on 09/10/2026 12:34:10 PM PDT by reasonisfaith (What are the personal implications if the Resurrection of Christ is a true event in history?)
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To: reasonisfaith
With “means testing”, which Vance confirmed would be the case—-it most certainly is a socialist wealth redistribution scheme,,,,,

which, BTW, the democrats will expand and exploit on steroids if they get in power in 2028.

……..not to mention using it as a huge first step towards their long term socialistic dream of Universal Guaranteed Basic Income for everyone. For democrats, it is a perfect precdent.

20 posted on 09/10/2026 12:42:54 PM PDT by volare737 ( Diversity is something to be overcome, not celebrated. )
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