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Posted on 04/05/2026 4:05:19 PM PDT by CondoleezzaProtege
I used to be entirely in the camp that said you should kick your kids out at 18 and force them to live independently and make their own way in the world. I don’t feel that way at all anymore. I want all my kids to live with us until they get married. Even after they’re married, if they want to live on our property, or close by, my wife and I would love that.
The important thing is to teach your kids responsibility, which we’re doing. They need to contribute and help around the house, which all of our kids do from a very young age. Provided you aren’t raising ungrateful useless moochers, why kick them out? Why drive them away from your family home? I don’t see the point in it anymore. I actually like my kids and like being around them.
Maybe they’ll all end up scattered to the wind. But I’d prefer to keep the family together. Why wouldn’t I?
A lot of parents think that you reap the rewards of parenting by kicking them out of the house and reclaiming your “independence” or whatever. So the reward is just going back to your pre-parenting state? No, the reward should be a family that you love and get to enjoy until you die.
The reward should be raising children who one day also become companions, and eventually caretakers. The reward is not, or shouldn’t be, 30 years in a silent empty house and then dying under florescent lights in a nursing home.
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Our boys can stay with us as long as they want. I’ve told them that all their lives. Don’t rent. Stay here and save up for a house. No skin off my back and I appreciate the extra help around the house. Mama loves it too. When they get married, they’ll be in a position to make a conscious decision about whether their wives go to work or stay home and raise babies, like their mama did for them. This is the way.
That was natural for the girls, but boys often went out to find their place in the man’s world and build their own home.
Even today far more girls than should go from home to the first boyfriend’s apartment, and then from that boyfriend to the 2nd boyfriend’s apartment, and so on, never really living on her own, at least until a later age.
What about college? And some kids go to to private high schools. I did, got away from VERY social life at home and did exceptionally well. Too bad National Merit Scholar programs didn’t begin until a few years later, because I would hae been one.
Never would have happened if I stayed at home. Various reasons, starting with ; I was the lucky girl with the swimming pool. How popular did that make me??? Far, far too many “friends”.
My $28yo son lived on his own for quite a while. He spent the last year living with us. He saved his money and just bought his first home. Proud of him. Each of our kids can live with us to do the same. This is how you build generational wealth. Not just stocks, bonds and metals. This is how we can help our kids at practically no cost.
Son, wife, and granddaughter lived in our guest house for a couple of years. They saved money and we had a blast seeing her almost every day when she was first growing up. With the money they saved, they now have their own home. Proud of them, but we really miss seeing our granddaughter so much!
Told my kid he can stay as long has he helped around the house
He didn’t so now he gets to do all the house work at his own place
Yes he wishes he had just helped around mine lol
I agree with this. It will likely be that after college their careers will take them elsewhere but if they can I’d be glad to have them save their money and live at home.
“The reward is not, or shouldn’t be, 30 years in a silent empty house and then dying under florescent lights in a nursing home.”
I was one of those who were the “get out as soon as possible kids”, I did not like my parents rule and they did not like my independence.
Unlike my parents I learned how not to get divorced every few years, not alienate your kids, and nurture local relationships.
I’m pretty sure I’ll die in my own home, warm and comfortable, around people that emotionally care
for me(that aren’t being paid), death is something
we all face.
Hopefully with the Lords help, I face it with dignity.
Yeah, it depends. Some young adults get classed as “a sh*tty houseguest” and invited to find another place to leave ASAP, while others aren’t bad.
“Bill, do you really want to pay me $500 a month to share a bedroom with Tom and a bathroom with eight siblings?”
‘Well, actually ...,” said Bill, and he rounded a friend and got an apartment.
It’s harder to get an apartment today than it was when Bill was in his early 20s. I’d rather throw some rent money at Tom until he finishes his Masters degree than have him back at home, but if we have to take Patrick back, that would be okay.
I lived at home until I got married.
I had a full time job, was active in church, had my own car I bought with my own money, paid room and board every paycheck, and helped with the chores.
All my parents asked of me was to call when I got to where I was going when I took a trip so they’d know I got there safely.
I managed to save a decent amount of money, too, and knew I could not live as cheaply, or safely, as I did at home.
Stay at home and not drink or move out and party. I made the right choice.
I’m so glad that we did such a great job raising our kids that we were all comfortable when they struck out on their own.
When you keep them at home they have the opportunity to never mature and they can live in comfort instead of learning to persevere through the struggles of life.
In the case of one of my kids, his career choice had no opportunities nearby. The closest was sixty miles away. He was there for a while then moved across the country for a far better opportunity. And met his soon to be bride there.
We have friends whose kids don’t look like they’ll get married and are too comfy to leave. It’s truly unhealthy.
"Multigenerational living has been the historical norm for most of human history. The nuclear family model — where young adults move out independently at 18 — is actually a relatively recent and culturally specific phenomenon, largely tied to post-WWII American prosperity.
A few key points:
Throughout most of history, adult children living with parents was standard practice, driven by economic necessity, family care obligations, and social structure.
The "move out at 18" norm was largely a product of the mid-20th century economic boom, cheap housing, and cultural shifts — essentially a brief historical anomaly."
Whatever choice, I got some minimal help from mom and dad, but sooner rather than later, I had to make it on my own. I went to college and since my parents weren't wealthy, by the end of my sophomore year I could pay my own way.
My father told us that we’re out of the house as soon as we’re 18 and out of high school. Six days after I finished high school I was at Marine Corps Recruit Depot San Diego.
My brother, sister and I left at 18. Two to college and one military. We never lived at home again. My kids mostly stayed until 20 to 21. One works construction is married and has three kids. One is single living in Denver at Schwab. The third work as an electrician and is married with one child. Our daughter graduates in June and will attend college in Charleston. Two went to college, two didn’t. I’m proud of all 4. If they want to come back, fine. But my wife and I would insist on a plan and timetable. We are here to pick you up not carry you.
MAKE SURE YOU TEACH THEM VARIOUS HOME MAINTENANCE THEY CAN DO FOR THEMSELVES IN THE FUTURE.
Generally does not end well for the kids but free will.
I totally agree with all his premises.
Not to say that being with them becomes sponging off of them of let to go too long.
But this notion of wanting to get rid of your kids…why? How horrible are they?
Sure, they can learn some independence, but why suddenly at 18, or 21?
This notion obviously hasn’t really done the society great favors. It’s not the problem.
What’s it gotten us? False independence, shacking up, screwing extra easily and ending up with more illegitimate kids.
Again, this is just a quick cut at Walsh’s take. Of course there is something to doing things on their own. But does it have to be all at once?
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