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SNAP Scandal Wastes Billions [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 November 2025 | John Semmens

Posted on 11/14/2025 9:33:55 PM PST by John Semmens

The government shutdown that caused an interruption in the payment of Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) benefits also revealed some disturbing aspects of the program. The most immediate impact was the outpouring of complaints from some recipients asserting their right to steal the food that they had previously bought with the federal aid they had been receiving. Some of these protests were selfie videos of grossly obese beneficiaries. This suggests that SNAP money is not staving off starvation, but is fueling unhealthy eating. Receipts indicate that 20% of the SNAP money is spent on soda, candy, and salty snacks.

Secretary of Agriculture Brooke Rollins reports that "an examination of how the SNAP benefits were administered during the Biden Administration showed that 186,000 dead people have been receiving benefits, duplicate benefits have been sent to 500,000 individuals, 1.5 million illegal immigrants have been receiving benefits, and the part-time work requirement for able-bodied recipients were not enforced. Light has now been shined one of the most corrupt and dysfunctional programs in American history."

"Earlier this year we asked each of the 50 states for data on how many ineligible persons were receiving benefits," Rollins said. "Only 29 states honored our request. Twenty-one states controlled by Democrats refused to submit any data on the grounds that since the law forbids illegal immigrants from receiving SNAP benefits an honest reply would amount to the kind of self incrimination prohibited by the Fifth Amendment to the Constitution."

"Can you imagine when we get our hands on the blue state data, what we're going to find?" Rollins asked. "The lawless and incompetent waste of the taxpayers' money has got to be stopped. We think the best way to accomplish this is to require everyone to periodically reapply for their benefits, meet the work requirement where applicable, and make sure that everyone that's taking a taxpayer-funded benefit through SNAP or food stamps, literally can't survive without it."

Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt) challenged Rollins, saying "the Democrats' sweep of the November 4 election shows that the American people want us to stand against Trump's war against the needy. No one should be forced to work if they don't want to. The majority of voters want the total equality that only socialism can deliver. That is where Democrats are going to take them."

In other rotten database news, Michigan's voter rolls contain nine active voters born between 1850 and 1898. In this year's election some of them are recorded as having voted in person. Others as having cast mail-in ballots. In as much as the 115 year-old Naomi Whitehead is recognized as the oldest person living in the United States, this turnout of Michigan oldsters to vote is unbelievably remarkable.


TOPICS: Government; History; Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: crpa; deadrecipients; democrats; duplicatepayment; foia; satire

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1 posted on 11/14/2025 9:33:55 PM PST by John Semmens
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To: 1of10; #1CTYankee; 12Gauge687; 14erClimb; 21twelve; 1raider1; 2nd Bn, 11th Mar; 3D-JOY; 43north; ...

ping


2 posted on 11/14/2025 9:34:46 PM PST by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens
The most immediate impact was the outpouring of complaints from some recipients asserting their right to steal the food that they had previously bought with the federal aid they had been receiving.

Is this accurate?

3 posted on 11/14/2025 10:25:12 PM PST by ding_dong_daddy_from_dumas
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To: ding_dong_daddy_from_dumas

Light has now been shone on one of the most corrupt and dysfunctional programs in American history.

Secretary of Agriculture Brooke Rollins reports on how SNAP
benefits were administered during the Biden Administration:
<><> 186,000 dead people have been receiving benefits,
<><>duplicate benefits have been sent to 500,000 individuals,
<><>1.5 million illegal immigrants have been receiving benefits,
<><>and the part-time work requirement for able-bodied recipients were not enforced.


4 posted on 11/14/2025 10:53:24 PM PST by Liz ("Socialism is a wonderful idea. It's just that it's been disastrous." Thomas Sowell.)
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To: ding_dong_daddy_from_dumas

yes


5 posted on 11/14/2025 10:59:21 PM PST by John Semmens
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To: ding_dong_daddy_from_dumas

I saw one account on FB video, but afterwards, thought it might be a hoax.


6 posted on 11/14/2025 11:50:26 PM PST by Does so (GOP should fund a new party. Call it the "Muslim Party". .....Dem☭¢rat... ∅ ™ ¿ ¡ ☞ ½¼)
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To: Does so

Does anyone expect different results on a guberment program?


7 posted on 11/15/2025 4:19:34 AM PST by oldasrocks
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To: John Semmens

The money wasted on the SNAPPERS should be taken from the evil judiciary’s budget and the black robed jugheads’ paychecks. If those bass turds want to run the government, they need to pay their fair share. The maggots should not be allowed to take the money from the paychecks of hard-working Americans.


8 posted on 11/15/2025 4:33:12 AM PST by FlingWingFlyer (Duwaji Mandumi. America's first muzzie terrorist "first lady". ROTFL!!! Way to go 'merica!)
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To: John Semmens
... this turnout of Michigan oldsters to vote is unbelievably remarkable.

I guess that in Michigan being over 115 years old is so common as to as not to raise eyebrows.

9 posted on 11/15/2025 4:35:02 AM PST by sima_yi ( Reporting live from the far North)
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To: John Semmens

The meth heads look 115 years old.


10 posted on 11/15/2025 5:33:50 AM PST by dynachrome (“They don’t kill you because you’re a Nazi; they call you a Nazi so they can kill you.”)
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