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Boeing Proudly Announces It Has Fixed Malfunctioning Whistleblower
Babylon Bee ^ | 03/13/2024 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 03/13/2024 1:06:17 PM PDT by DFG

ARLINGTON, VA — In response to mounting public criticism of its quality standards, aerospace corporation Boeing proudly announced it has fixed its malfunctioning whistleblower.

The longtime industry leader in commercial aircraft manufacturing had been in hot water following a string of highly publicized malfunctions and accidents involving its planes, leaving the company desperate to find a solution to its problems.

"That should take care of everything," a Boeing spokesman said. "After extensive investigation into the recent engineering and design quality issues, we determined that many of these problems could be traced back to this whistleblower. We are proud to announce that we have, in fact, fixed the whistleblower. Permanently."

Following the decisive action taken to resolve its whistleblower issue, Boeing expressed confidence that it will be smooth sailing moving forward. "We don't foresee any more problems," the spokesman said. "Everyone here at Boeing feels much safer now."

When asked how fixing the whistleblower would solve ongoing issues with the design and assembly of the aircraft, the spokesman offered the following response: "There aren't any more problems. Got it? If you disagree, you can take it up with our newest board member, Hillary Clinton."

At publishing time, the spokesman denied rumors that the company's original plan to fix the whistleblower involved offering him a free flight in an exit row on one of its aircraft.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; barnett; boeing; suicide; whisteblower
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To: MayflowerMadam

Naga ... Naga... not gonna work here no more!


21 posted on 03/13/2024 3:43:46 PM PDT by Campion (Everything is a grace, everything is the direct effect of our Father's love - Little Flower)
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To: PGalt

The man was former quality control at Boeing and was “given the option” to retire early, which he did quite awhile ago. He sounded like a reasonable person in an article from today’s paper. He said he was glad that the two main safety issues he had exposed were investigated and seemed to be resolved.

But, he was leery of the general attitude of Boeing when it came to quality control and documentation. When he would find deficiencies he was told by the workers and upper-management to “not worry about it”.

He was in the middle of testimony and killed himself (so they say). The article said his wife passed away a year or two ago. No children. I can kind of see it - if he thought he couldn’t win or do any good, what was his purpose?


22 posted on 03/13/2024 3:53:08 PM PDT by 21twelve (Ever Vigilant. Never Fearful.)
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To: Campion

LOL!


23 posted on 03/13/2024 4:31:07 PM PDT by MayflowerMadam (Fraud vitiates everything." - SCOTUS)
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To: 21twelve

Thanks for the additional information.


24 posted on 03/13/2024 4:43:22 PM PDT by PGalt (Past Peak Civilization?)
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To: DFG

Oh man, that’s cold!


25 posted on 03/13/2024 6:13:03 PM PDT by ealgeone
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To: DFG

OMG. that’s just brutal! LOL!!!!!


26 posted on 03/13/2024 9:03:12 PM PDT by Enterprise
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