Idea to Deter Opposition to Ukraine Aid [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 Feb 2024 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

Frustrated by growing Republican opposition to sending more military aid to support the war in Ukraine, Senate Majority Leader Charles Schumer (D-NY) cited legislation under consideration in Ukraine's Parliament as "a breakthrough idea. They, like us, have problems recruiting people to staff their armed forces. They have a draft, but many are evading reporting for duty. There's a bill in their parliament authorizing the confiscation of the assets of every person who refuses to be drafted. While we don't currently have a draft here we could tweak our laws to authorize the confiscation of the assets of anyone who opposes our bill to fund Ukraine."

Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky) called Schumer's suggestion "intriguing. Between Democrats and sensible Republicans I think we'd have a solid majority in favor of continuing to fund Ukraine's war with Russia. By including a confiscation clause we might be able to get some MAGA Republicans to abandon their opposition. Typical army recruits don't have many assets to lose. Senators and Representatives who've been in Congress for many years do."

Sen. Josh Hawley (R-Mo) asserted that "continuation of the war in Ukraine does not serve the interests of this country or its people. As we've seen, Ukraine is not a free country. It has outlawed political parties that do not support the war. It is conscripting people to fight in the war. And now, it is proposing to bankrupt anyone who refuses to be coerced into battle. There is no good reason for us to continue wasting our taxpayers' money on this dubious conflict. Emulating Ukraine's tyrannical policies would be the road to Hell that we shouldn't take."

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