Posted on 11/29/2023 2:12:19 PM PST by DFG
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Reports have surfaced of a squirrel wearing a "Make America Great Again" hat scurrying away as the National Christmas Tree came crashing down.
Capitol Police have launched a city-wide hunt for the dangerous insurrectionist, who has thus far evaded every trap. "We are currently investigating the attack on the National Christmas Tree as an act of domestic terrorism," said Attorney General Merrick Garland. "This was not simply a squirrel jumping from limb to limb, all nimbly-bimbly. No, this was an assault on democracy itself."
Investigators believe the squirrel may have had accomplices, as literally thousands of squirrels have been spotted around the location where the tree fell. Police have reportedly apprehended dozens of squirrels and tossed them into solitary confinement, but thus far none have been willing to give up any information on the outlaw. Former House Representatives Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger have traveled to D.C. to personally join in the hunt for the violent revolutionary, though officers say Kinzinger has thus far spent the entire day crying.
At publishing time, former President Trump had invited the squirrel to Mar-A-Lago to discuss a potential role in his next administration.
Should have been a beaver. You’re slippin’, Babylon Bee...
Clark :
Where’s Eddie? He usually eats these goddam things.
Cousin Catherine Johnson :
Not recently, Clark. He read that squirrels were high in cholesterol.
A good family friends called them Tree Rats. Which they are.
Until recently I had 2 very large pecan trees in my front yard. They made every year. The tall skinny one died, I had a local company take it down. I still have a huge piece of the trunk (weighs about 3,000 lbs) on blocks hope to slab some stuff from it for wood working. Have done it before, but not on this scale.
Have lived in this house for 12 years, always had trouble with squirrels, we made ZERO pecans last year and a drought again this year. Have not seen a single squirrel. I have a big live oak tree in my back yard, it makes acorns.
Now we don’t seem to have squirrels.
My remaining huge pecan tree is a native pecan. Small, hard shell, but very oily. Taste great. So I’ll be picking them up soon, small crop.
There are pecan trees all over our town, we’ve had pecan weevils on wet years, I’ve not seen a single sign of their damage for 2 years. The larva can lay in the soil for 3 or more years before they die.
My stock broker, brought me a large 12” pecan pie this year.
My wife’s favorite pie is a pecan pie.
LOL!!
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