Bribes Used to Conceal Covid Origin [semi-satire]

A CIA whistleblower's testimony to the House Select Subcommittee on the Coronavirus Pandemic (HSSCP) and the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence (HPSCI) asserted that "six of the seven officers the CIA assigned to the Covid Discovery Team to ascertain the origins of the virus concluded that the virus likely came from a laboratory in Wuhan, China. These six were offered a significant monetary incentive to change their position."

HSSCP Chairman Brad Wenstrup and HPSCI Chairman Mike Turner sent a letter to CIA Director William Burns asking him to address this issue. While Burns, himself, did not respond, CIA spokesperson Tammy Kupperman Thorp did, saying that "at CIA we are committed to the highest standards of analytic rigor, integrity, and objectivity. We do not pay analysts to reach specific conclusions. While the Covid Discovery Team ultimately reported that the origins of the virus could not be determined, there is no evidence that they were bribed to reach this conclusion. What the so-called whistleblower construed as bribes were the normal performance bonuses the Agency offers for good work."

Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky) found Thorp's reply "unconvincing" and demanded to see "all documents and communications regarding the COVID Discovery Team on the origins of covid and all documents and communications regarding the awarding of any type of financial bonus to any members of this Team."

Thorp disputed the "need for the data that Sen. Paul is requesting. Disclosing the information he is seeking could have a negative effect on the confidence the American people place in the CIA. Additionally, a statement attributing the origin of the covid virus to a bio-weapons lab in China, even if couched as 'likely,' could also dramatically disturb the tenuous truce between our two nations. I can see no benefit and a lot of disadvantage from even hinting that covid didn't arise randomly from natural evolutionary sources."

In related news, a panel of three judges on the 5th US Circuit Court of Appeals in New Orleans ruled that "three doctors slandered by the FDA for treating covid patients with Ivermectin could sue for damages. Therapies employing FDA approved drugs for off-label uses is legal. The FDA exceeded its authority by ordering the doctors to 'stop it' and seeking to damage their reputation as physicians if they didn't obey."

If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...

"the Covid Discovery Team ultimately reported that the origins of the virus could not be determined,"

So, not to assign blame was their final solution.

2 posted on 09/19/2023 12:53:25 AM PDT by clearcarbon (Fraudulent elections have consequences.)

“Thorp disputed the “need for the data that Sen. Paul is requesting. Disclosing the information he is seeking could have a negative effect on the confidence the American people place in the CIA.” What did we once say: Don’t make me laugh, my lips are chapped.

Where is the satire?

4 posted on 09/19/2023 4:39:26 AM PDT by Triple (Socialism denies people the right to the fruits of their labor, and is as abhorrent as slavery)

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