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DOJ Convicts Proud Boys Of Rioting For The Wrong Side
Babylon Bee ^ | 09/06/2023 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 09/06/2023 1:53:58 PM PDT by DFG

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Department of Justice has sentenced several key leaders of the Proud Boys to prison time after convicting them of inciting deadly riots for the wrong side.

"Let me be perfectly clear. We love rioting and lawlessness, but rioting that doesn't involve BLM, Antifa, or radical Communist pedophiles throwing Molotov cocktails at small businesses will not be tolerated," said Attorney General Merrick Garland in his charmingly raspy little voice. "These sick criminals dared to riot on behalf of political causes we don't like, and for that, they must face severe justice."

Prosecutors presented overwhelming evidence that the Proud Boys did not carry a single BLM flag on January sixth, nor did they chant approved slogans like "No justice, no peace." Sadly, the group was also found to have neglected to burn down a single black-owned business. "If they could have exchanged their American flags for BLM flags, we could have let this whole thing slide," explained Judge Jeanine Pierro. "We could have done probation if they had torched just one black neighborhood! They brought this on themselves."

"This violent, extremist, far-ultra-right Nazi fascist violent far-right group is extremely dangerous," said Garland in his statement. "Maybe now people will think twice before they stand in the way of our glorious red revolutionary army — um, I mean before they engage in political violence."

At publishing time, the DOJ announced they would be indicting Trump again for calling the DOJ "corrupt" on Truth Social.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: antifa; blm; doj; proudboys

1 posted on 09/06/2023 1:53:58 PM PDT by DFG
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To: DFG
Judge Jeanine Pierro?

Not sure if I should laugh.

2 posted on 09/06/2023 2:01:17 PM PDT by Rightwing Conspiratr1
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To: DFG

Garland transitioned to Mary Garland, a vindictive 12-year old girl who’s weaponized her tantrum at not being on SCOTUS.

Mary will not rest until everyone who she blames for her non-coronation feels her pain or worse.

Anyone who ever sees Garland in person, rather than protest, should shake her hand, look into her cold, dark eyes (black eyes…like a dolls eyes), smile, and say “you STILL aren’t on the Supreme Court….HAHAHAHAHA!”


3 posted on 09/06/2023 2:02:09 PM PDT by DoodleBob (Gravity's waiting period is about 9.8 m/s²)
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To: DFG

satire/not satire

Bee frosty!


4 posted on 09/06/2023 2:08:37 PM PDT by TigersEye (Our Republic is under seige by globalist Marxists. Hold fast!)
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To: DFG

Bee is batting 1,000


5 posted on 09/06/2023 2:10:51 PM PDT by Sirius Lee (They intend to murder us. Prep if you want to live and live like you are prepping for eternal life)
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To: DFG

It’s only a matter of time before sarcasm is outlawed:

“North Korea tries to outlaw sarcasm (yeah right, good luck with that)”

https://www.shortlist.com/news/north-korea-tries-to-outlaw-sarcasm


6 posted on 09/06/2023 3:15:45 PM PDT by packagingguy
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