Posted on 07/11/2023 10:45:19 AM PDT by DFG
WATERTOWN, SD — As mainstream media reports circulated that maintaining physical fitness is a sign of far-right extremism, a spokesperson for the Federal Bureau of Investigation disclosed that the agency already has a surveillance team closely monitoring what is believed to be a local fascist training facility.
"This place just cranks out dangerous right-wing nutjobs," said one source within the FBI who requested to remain anonymous. "It may be located in a shopping mall, and the people coming in and out look like normal, law-abiding citizens…but with how physically fit they all appear to be, there is every indication that this place is a breeding ground for domestic terrorists."
One man surveilled entering the alleged training facility was later reached for comment. "What are you talking about? I'm just working out?" said a confused Scott Poppen. "I've been coming here to exercise for years. It's no big deal. Why is there a black SUV that seems like it follows me to and from the gym? Who are those guys in suits and sunglasses that watch me when I'm in the locker room? What is this about?"
As Mr. Poppen finished speaking, a tactical team of FBI agents emerged from nearby bushes outside the building, subdued him with a taser, and hauled him away with zip ties on his wrists and ankles.
"We urge Americans to be on the alert," said FBI Director Christopher Wray. "We were very disturbed to find there are thousands of these 'fitness centers' across the country. Americans can rest assured that we have reallocated all our resources to monitoring and guarding against this dire threat."
At publishing time, surveillance at the location was ongoing, with FBI sources warning that many patrons of the alleged training facility had also attended 4th of July parties where fireworks were present.
MSNBC roasted for article linking physical fitness to white supremacy
Got me again.
Hmmmmm! So, just who is watching the far left extremist training facilities? The IBF?
Meanwhile the FBI has its own terrorist training ground in Post Falls, ID.
Purple Palace, where workouts go to die.
It’s real.
“”One leftist proclaimed to be an “expert on extremism” in which she claimed “white supremacists’ latest scheme to valorize violence and hypermasculinity has gone digital” and that the far-right is exploiting physical fitness as a means to lure new recruits.””
Even home security cameras make you an extreme racist. This is what they’re peddling.
“The World Judges, We Don’t. At Planet Fitness, Be Free”
Several years ago, we heard of muslim training camps in the USA. No investigations were done. Wondering if they are still there.
And there are still people that trust the “99%” that are hard working, on the streets of America, keeping this country safe.
And there are still Republican member sof congress that don’t want to completely dismantle the entire thing.
In a sane world, that would absolutely be satire.
It’s not a sane world any more.
Jesus needs to come back and rescue us.
Makes sense. The fbi is a far left terrorist training ground.
I was about to write, “ the FIB is investigating itself.”
Well, that explains the three windowless vans with guys watching the door last time I went to get on the treadmill for a bit.
These right wing extremists make no secret of their ultimate goal… to take over the whole world. They’re so bold as to include it even in their name, PLANET Fitness, /sarc
The Babylon Bee isn’t funny any more. All they are doing here is reporting the news.
Well, if fitness is right wing, then slovenly unkempt obesity is obviously left-wing.
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