Skip to comments.Bank Accounts of Election Protesters Frozen [semi-satire]
Posted on 11/27/2022 10:13:33 AM PST by John Semmens
In the wake of a close victory for leftist Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva over President Jair Bolsonaro in the recent election, tens of thousands of Bolsonaro supporters have been marching in the streets protesting what they contend was a fraudulent outcome. In a bid to end the protests, Brazilian Supreme Court Judge Alexandre de Moraes ordered the bank accounts of the leaders of these "anti-democratic protesters" frozen.
Lula praised the Court for "helping save our democracy. Ultimately, seizing the assets from those who wrongly possess them is fundamental to our program to fully socialize Brazil. By targeting the enemies of democracy as a first step we can decapitate all unwarranted resistance to this transformation. The World Economic Forum has already determined that private property is a malignant force. Abolishing it and putting all property under the control of government will ensure that the true needs of humanity can be met without the interference of selfishness."
President Biden congratulated Lulu for his win and advised him to "strongly chastise enemies of democracy by any means necessary. Fortunately, we were also able to fend off anti-democratic forces in our recent elections. We have no public protests to speak of. I credit the fact that key leaders of the January 6, 2021 protests are still in jail awaiting trial. Knowing that this dire fate could befall any protesters of the 2022 election outcomes seems to have made America's right-wing extremists more docile."
In related news, it was revealed that FBI Director Chris Wray has purchased Pegasus spyware from Israel. "The thing that is great about this software is that it can be used to infect any phone merely by calling it," Wray said. "The phone's owner doesn't need to answer the call for us to take control of his phone. We can extract messages, calls, photos and emails, secretly activate cameras or microphones, and read the contents of encrypted messaging apps. We can even plant evidence to use in prospective criminal proceedings. Saudia Arabia, Mexico, Hungary and India, have already successfully deployed Pegasus against political dissidents, journalists, and opposition parties. We need to ensure that we are sufficiently prepared to do the same."
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No fair. You satire sounds too real.
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