Mandate for More of the Same [semi-satire]

A chipper President Biden declared victory in the midterm elections, saying “the red wave didn’t happen. So, I’m not changing anything.” He took special pride from polls showing that 75 percent of voters are unhappy with the country’s direction by reminding everyone that “we won anyway. This is a vote of confidence in our party’s ability to turn things around.”

However, Joy Behar, co-host of ABC’s “The View” was less exuberant than Biden and castigated voters “for not giving Democrats a super-majority. Democrat policies are saving the planet, protecting women’s rights to terminate unwanted pregnancies, and saving us from covid. What more do they want?”

Presidential Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre defended her boss by pointing out “the party’s strong support for abortion won the votes of two-thirds of the single women who cast ballots. This was crucial, since mothers voted Republican by a similar margin making abortion available everywhere will save single women from becoming Republican-voting mothers. His promise to end coal and oil won 75 percent of the college-educated voters. And knowing he will stay strong against covid won nearly 100 percent of the votes of people still wearing masks. These were remarkable achievements against the Republican enemies of democracy who are resisting his every effort. He and the Party aren’t changing their determination to free this country from selfish individualism by transforming it into a unified collective where everyone sacrifices for the good of humanity whether they like it or not.”

Speaking of a “vote of confidence,” the statistics for October showed 19 straight months of decline in real hourly wages. This negative trend in worker compensation amounting to a negative 2.8% over the last year combined with the 7.7 percent increase in prices due to inflation reduced household purchasing power by 10.5%. Dwindling supplies of oil and natural gas resulting from Biden’s vow to end drilling point to higher heating bills in the colder parts of the country (home heating prices in Europe are predicted to rise 90% this winter). So, it doesn’t look like things will be turning around here as long as Mr. “I’m not changing anything” remains in office.

In related news, Chair of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee Rep. Sean Patrick Maloney (NY), the guy who recommended that his constituents combat inflation by eating Chef Boyardee Ravioli, was an upset loser in the race to keep his seat. Exit polls revealed that his recommendation of the soggy canned pasta turned Italian voters solidly against him. One polled voter said “he voted for the big spending that gave us inflation. Now I should feed my family crap? He should be thrown out on his culo.”

If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...

With 45-to-55 million MIVs scheduled to vote plus the standard Soros-Bezos guaranteed 15-to-20 million fabricated ballots/votes, there’ll be no problem stealing all future elections...

Both practice runs (2020 & 2022) have operated without a hitch...

The U.S. is on schedule to beat 70 years of Soviet election records easily...
The U.S. norm will be a winning communist-candidate percentage of 97%...

Reagan warned us... Time for us, and our next several generations of descendants, to pay the price of our inaction...

Suck it up!
Be positive...
Only 997.6 more years of this dark tyranny to endure...

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