Great news! I bet a friend that Silent Cal would take Arizona in 2022. My friend offered me 20,000 to 1 odds, so I put down $100. Big payday for me! Now if only I could get my friend to return my phone calls.
Posted on 11/12/2022 3:49:35 PM PST by DFG
PHOENIX, AZ — After finally tallying the votes from Maricopa County, Arizona has announced that Calvin Coolidge has narrowly defeated John Davis for its three electoral votes.
"We are finally ready for the big announcement," said Election Chairman Bill Gates. "I know the rest of the country has been patiently waiting. We are thrilled to announce that every vote in the 1924 Presidential election has at last been tallied, with Mr. Calvin Coolidge now set to receive all three electoral votes posthumously!"
Though happy to hear about Mr. Coolidge's victory, the remainder of America has continued to ask when we might know the results of the most recent election. "We do recognize that the slight delay in certifying our vote is not entirely ideal, since Mr. Coolidge apparently died back in 1933," said Arizona Secretary of State Ms. Hobbs. "However, we stand by our practice of locking every ballot away in a cellar for thirty years and then asking a drunk raccoon to count the votes. It has worked so well in the past, we see no reason to change now."
According to sources, Ms. Hobbs periodically replaces the drunk raccoon by catching one in her backyard and then steadily introducing Jim Beam into its diet. "People act like I'm so lazy, but this system takes a tremendous amount of work," stated Ms. Hobbs. "Everyone needs to spend a few days trying to teach a raccoon to shoot whiskey before they come at me with all their criticism."
At publishing time, Arizona posted an update that Dewey actually defeated Truman in the infamous 1948 election.
That was quick!
ROF!
Keep cool with Coolidge. 😎
My big seal-point Siamese cat is named Calvin because he has blue eyes, like President Coolidge.
great news that silent Cal got in!
Great news! I bet a friend that Silent Cal would take Arizona in 2022. My friend offered me 20,000 to 1 odds, so I put down $100. Big payday for me! Now if only I could get my friend to return my phone calls.
Reminds me when Rose on “The Titanic” said “Its been 84 yrs” thats how long its going to take the commie buffoons to “Find” the votes that give Hobbs the “win”
One night at a White House dinner, a woman came up to Coolidge and said, “My friend bet me that I couldn’t get you to say more than 3 words to me!”
Coolidge replied, “You lose.”
Sometimes these gags go on too long, but surprisingly, that “drunk raccoon” bit actually works.
I don’t believe it, Coolidge was a Republican.
I chuckled...
And then I got sad.
I demand a recount!
When you’ve been silent for 89 years, people just might assume you’re dead (even if you are still voting). Way to go, Cal!
Another winner from the Bee :)
:)
I’ve chuckled the 5 times I went past this so it deserves a ‘snort’!
I checked and Arizona became a state in 1912.
So this might be true.
LOL
and fun fact, Arizona was a territory for 49 years before becoming a state.
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