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Stacey Abrams Claims Obesity Is Just Numbers Manufactured By Her Bathroom Scale
Babylon Bee ^ | 09/23/2022 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 09/23/2022 11:29:46 AM PDT by DFG

TLANTA, GA. — While speaking at a public symposium on behalf of The Association of Donut Lovers, Georgia Governor Stacey Abrams claimed obesity was just numbers manufactured by her bathroom scale.

"In the same way the patriarchy invented sonograms with fake heartbeat sounds to force women to fall in love with their unborn children against their will, bathroom scales were also created by the patriarchy to control women's bodies," said Abrams. "Obesity isn't real, but a system of oppression. It's time to dismantle it!"

The incumbent governor's remarks are already being praised as "so brave" and "super scientific" by members of the body positivity movement who have not yet succumbed to diabetes and heart disease.

"As Presidential candidate for the Democratic party, I vow to fight the lobbyists of Big Bathroom Scales and their attempts to control our beautiful bodies," said Abrams while inhaling a tower of strawberry-sprinkled bear claws.

A representative for the Bathroom Scale industry issued a statement that read, "We're so busted, dang it. President-elect Stacey Abrams caught us red-handed. We solemnly vow henceforth to do better to hide our secretive desires to control women's bodies."

At publishing time, U.S. President Stacey Abrams had declared every day National Deep-Fried Twinkie Day.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: abrams; numbers; obesity; scale
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To: carcraft

Lol Good one.


41 posted on 09/23/2022 2:50:56 PM PDT by laplata (They want each crisis to take the greatest toll possible.)
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To: dirtymac

I wouldn’t bet against you.


42 posted on 09/23/2022 2:51:41 PM PDT by laplata (They want each crisis to take the greatest toll possible.)
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To: DFG
National Deep-Fried Twinkie Day
That has a nice sound to it. It could pack on some votes for Abrams.
43 posted on 09/23/2022 2:55:55 PM PDT by citizen (Thieves of private property pass their lives in chains; thieves of public prop. in riches and luxury)
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To: DFG

Now, when it comes to her tape measure numbers, her horizontal numbers are bigger than her vertical numbers.

     

44 posted on 09/23/2022 3:09:57 PM PDT by Songcraft
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To: DFG

45 posted on 09/24/2022 3:26:29 AM PDT by McGruff (Don't underestimate Joe's ability to f*** things up - Barack Obama)
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To: DFG

Wow! This is one of BB’s best.


46 posted on 09/24/2022 3:27:32 AM PDT by MayflowerMadam (It amazes me how much "exercise" and "extra fries" sound alike.)
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