Posted on 07/10/2022 10:31:11 AM PDT by John Semmens
Citing the precedent established by his executive order mandating covid vaccinations as a condition of being allowed to hold a job, President Biden solved the problem of inadequate access to abortions by issuing a mandate requiring all states receiving any federal money to provide free abortions to whoever wants them.
The President pointed out that "this much more lenient mandate actually expands people's rights in a way that the vaccine mandate did not. With the vaccine mandate everyone who wanted to keep their job was required to take the vaccine injections. Right now, my abortion mandate allows those who don't want abortions to still keep their jobs."
Recognizing that "the enabling aspect of my abortion mandate may still face substantial anti-abortion social pressure in backward sectors of our country, I am also authorizing the FBI to mount rescue missions to covertly collect and transport shy abortion seekers to locations where safe abortions can be performed. To help guard these courageous birthing-persons from possible retaliation all will be enrolled in the 'witness protection program' that has previously saved the lives of organized crime figures who testified against gang leaders targeted by the Department of Justice."
To the dismay of some abortion proponents, the establishment of experimental abortion vending machines in all US Post Offices has been tabled for now. Secretary of Health and Human Services Xavier Becerra observed that "while the technology incorporating a blend of robot surgeons and video tutorials for those ready for a do-it-yourself abortion is impressive, we have not yet been able to secure a workable agreement with the Postal Employees Union. As many may recall, this same union prevented the extension of the covid vaccine mandate to include the employees they represent."
If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...
https://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php/topic,474730.0.html
Today’s satire is tomorrow’s law.
The population control tyrants want to use abortion as a means of reducing the population. Not to mention the lucrative byproducts of the aborted (murdered) fetus.
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ken) admitted that "the facts of the Crimo case make us look like idiots. The states that already have strict gun controls aren't really doing any better at reducing gun violence than the states that have constitutional carry rules. Luckily for us, hardly anyone knows this and the media aren't going to call us on it. The most important thing isn't the failure of gun controls to stop murders, it's that our reputation as caring moderates has been preserved."
Only because Planned Parenthood objected to the competition.
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